the most bizarre thing happened last night

[Johnisfaster]

ok so on saturday night at 9:30 my wife gets a text message "did you forget the birthday party?" oh shit, we gotta run. I get a phone call today from my dad saying "what happened last night?" "I don't know dad we just went to a friends party in Sacramento." "well what happened on the porch?" "um... I don't know I'm not there we are still at our friends house"

so as far as I can gather someone came by our house sometime after we left on saturday night and vomited and shit ALL over the porch, decided to come into the house and sleep in our bed and get shit all over our bed, then stole a pair of clothes and left their pants/shoes/shirt in the front yard covered in shit.

amazingly enough nothing in the house is missing, there was a laptop in the front room untouched, probably 5k (or more) in music gear in the back room untouched, a drawer full of cash that we've been saving to buy a house that was untouched. all that is amazing and I'm so relieved, but this is fucking weird. Thank god we decided to go out that night cause I don't know how I would react to waking up to a naked man vomiting and shitting on my porch. I mean it seems like the universe or god was looking out for us or something cause it was a random chance that we got reminded about that party last minute and left. Like the universe was trying to say "something bad is gonna happen, you should probably leave the house."

so weird.

[Sibanger]

It was probably your Dad after hearing that you're going to sue him and take over the family business.



I wouldn't thank your god for letting some guy to piss and shit all over your house.
If he/she had any control over the situation and cared about it at all, don't you think it wouldn't have happened?

Pretty crappy thing to happen though.

[Johnisfaster]

you're assuming that god doesn't want bad things to happen now and then.

if it would make you feel better you could just call it synchronicity or something.

or just call it luck that I wasn't here to get murdered or beat up or maybe just covered in shit too.

[Tone Deft]

goddamn aliens.

[mkelly]

a drawer full of cash that we've been saving to buy a house that was untouched.

And you live where?

[Sibanger]

you're assuming that god doesn't want bad things to happen now and then.

if it would make you feel better you could just call it synchronicity or something.

or just call it luck that I wasn't here to get murdered or beat up or maybe just covered in shit too.

Sorry for giving it to your belief/faith. It wasn't really called for.

I do like the word synchronicity to describe what happened. It does sit well for me.

Glad you didn't get beaten up, stabbed or shot.

Bet you it wasn't fun cleaning up the mess.

[UKRuss]

A nasty bidness. Grim.

[starving student]

I gotta ask John where the hell do you live in california that you don't need to lock up just a little bit tighter than that. you run a business right, have alot of kit and cash in the drawers and you didn't say anything about alarms or security or , sounds a bit laxed don't you think

[Johnisfaster]

I gotta ask John where the hell do you live in california that you don't need to lock up just a little bit tighter than that. you run a business right, have alot of kit and cash in the drawers and you didn't say anything about alarms or security or , sounds a bit laxed don't you think

totally right dude, we live in a tiny town where nothing ever happens (apparently not). my parents haven't locked their cars in years which I think is crazy cause I've lived in the city before but I've gotten in the habit of not locking the house by their influence. but we are gonna certainly change that starting now.

naive for sure, I'll admit that.

[sven303]

Dear John....

I just want to apologise, id had a lot to drink....I called by your house to say hello and well after ringing the door bell for 20 minutes I had an accident on your porch, tried wiping my arse with your garden gnome but they just arent really designed for that sort of thing.
So i found the key under the mat and let myself in to get cleaned up, unfortunately i could only find some skanky old calvin kleins didnt think you would miss them. While looking for something to wear i did find your lad mag collection and well sorry about the ceiling if you havent noticed that yet.

In all seriousness though, it probably is someone you know....

You can probably narrow the list of suspects down yourself...
Men or womens pants?
What size are they?
Are the pants new'ish or skanky old vagrant style?
Are any of your friends looking a little sheepish?, lets face it they would probably be really embaressed
ETC...

And your right is quite bizarre, glad nothing more serious happened....

Oh and change the locks, just in case the phantom doorstep pooper decides to come back

[Geebag]

Well you know the saying "Shit Happens"

Literally in your case. Its kind of impressive to have shit on the porch, bed and the garden. Must have had a bran muffin. Lots of DNA to catch them but.Give CSI a call.


No but seriously I had a break in before and it sucks big time. It makes you really mad. Don't let them get to you.

[logic_user99]

Firsly, EW! That's really quite disgusting. Secondly, BAD TIMES! I'm sorry that, er, shit happened, but am really glad you weren't home. That could have gone much further south...

[Johnisfaster]

In all seriousness though, it probably is someone you know....

I was out of town all day long, my parents found the mess on the porch and took care of that long before I got home. lets just say though that no one I know dresses like that. I can say that with confidence that no one I know would wear those clothes.

my guess is that someone random in the town got really fucked up and blacked out and ended up waking up in some random persons house (mine) it's a little weird for me obviously cause I have to clean up a mess but at least the dude didn't take anything which is totally awesome and to be honest he's probably having a really terrible day today so I'm not that upset about it. obviously it could have been much worse, how might a person in that situation react to coming in contact with the owners of the home? who knows, that could be scary. it's all cool though, a little bit of mess I can live with.

[nepotist]

You are lucky you weren't home. I once woke up to a naked man, except for socks, covered in his own blood trying to get into my house with a hatchet. It sucked. My parents didn't come by to clean up the mess either.

[pulsoc]

You are lucky you weren't home. I once woke up to a naked man, except for socks, covered in his own blood trying to get into my house with a hatchet.

Jeezus!!! What the hell?!