Post
by Tone Deft » Sun Jun 14, 2009 1:10 am
when you wake up in the morning, it's probably OK to wear the same pants as last night provided you didn't fall down. try not to throw up when you bend over to pick them up. if you're lucky they're over the end of the bed. start scouting for a clean shirt now so you can hang it in the shower to freshen it up. the worse you feel the better you should dress, people will overlook any signs of wear from last night. when showering just hit the hot spots, the armpits, crotch and feet. run COLD water on the face to minimize the bags under your eyes and just try to keep moving, don't dawdle. you're already late for work but it's not a beauty contest you just need to hide the evidence. fuck shaving. remember you might still be drunk, so be careful when driving to work, leave the windows down, radio off (not like you need the noise.) once you get to work, leave your coat, backpack, whatever in the car so when you're walking around people think you just got out of a meeting, not rolling in an hour late. if you can, bring a piece of paper with you and walk hurredly, people won't stop you to talk. get to the computer, turn it on, immediately open a work-type application, if you don't work at a computer, make your work are look 'used' for the morning, now go find water, coffee, gatorade, Red Bull, whatever. it's only a few hours until lunch, if that, plan on an 11:30 lunch. chances are someone won't look for you for 15 minutes, 11:45 is an OK time for lunch, it's just a little early. now go get your backpack, coat and whatever. you have one hour, maybe more, USE THAT TIME. eat a good meal, sleep it off in the car. buy gum, to cover the alcohol breath and the smell leaching from your pores. just like leaving early for lunch, see how late you can go back as if you left late. if questioned, tell them you had a dentists appointment, took a friend to the airport/hospital/whatever, you did some 'life stuff' at lunch rather than during work hours, you're a hero, not a slacker! now it's later in the afternoon. keep moving, 'work' for 20-30 minutes at a time, spaced apart by walks in the fresh air. hydrate/eat/sleep in the car as necessary. try not to watch the clock. one trick is to get a screensaver for the computer that changes every 15 minutes. take snapshots of desktops with different applications open. when your computer sleeps, the screen saver goes up, when people see your computer they think they missed you since the desktop changed and it's not sleeping. on your way home decide if it's hair of the dog and night in the doghouse. repeat as necessary.
In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?
-Moz
