Who would win in the fight for coolness?

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Who would win in the fight for coolness?

Poll ended at Mon Jan 14, 2008 3:07 am

Chuck Norris
The Fonz
Total votes: 27

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Who would win in the fight for coolness?

Post by metafactor » Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:07 am

Who would win in the fight for coolness?

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Post by dcease » Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:16 am

dude, norris would look at fonz and crush him. i still say the gov't should send chuck, sly, bruce, steven, ah-nold, jean-claude, the hoff, mr.t, and hulk, led by clint, as a special force to fight middle east terrorrism. i mean, they did it back in the day, right?! and chuck fought with bruce lee. what's fonz claim to fame? bangin out the garbage bag man's daughter? operation:america. tanks rule!

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Post by dcease » Mon Jan 07, 2008 3:41 am

too scared to defend the fonz?!

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Post by knotkranky » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:17 am

Chuck Norris facts:

# When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

# There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

# Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.

# Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

# Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

# Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.

# Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

# There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.

# When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

# Chuck Norris is so fast, he can run around the world and punch himself in the back of the head.

# Chuck Norris’ hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

# Chuck Norris can lead a horse to water AND make it drink.

# Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

# Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

# Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost

# Remember the Soviet Union? They decided to quit after watching a DeltaForce marathon on Satellite TV.

# Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

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Post by e.maynard » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:21 am

The fonz can use a vintage jukebox as a pre-midi controller.
Chuck Norris is a goof.


Tone Deft
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Post by Tone Deft » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:23 am

Chuck Norris doesn't fight, he only wins.
In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

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Post by knotkranky » Mon Jan 07, 2008 4:26 am

the Fonz? Shit, Ditka can't even beat Chuck

* Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

* Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie down.

* Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

* The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

* Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the box jellyfish of northern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3 minutes of being bitten, a human being experiences the following symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and the feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.

* Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

* If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'til." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

* Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

* When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes, ever.

* The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

* Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.

* CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.

* Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

* There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

* Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

* What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.

* Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

* Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.

* Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

* Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

* A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

* Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

* Someone once videotaped Chuck Norris getting pissed off. It was called Walker: Texas Chain Saw Masacre.

* If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

* Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

* Fool me once, shame on you. Fool Chuck Norris once and he will roundhouse you in the face.

* The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodgeball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

* Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

* Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

* Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

* Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

* Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

* Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

* Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

* Faster than a speeding bullet ... more powerful than a locomotive ... able to leap tall buildings in a single bound... yes, these are some of Chuck Norris's warm-up exercises.

* Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

* In the Bible, Jesus turned water into wine. But then Chuck Norris turned that wine into beer.

* Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The Hell was That?"

* Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

* Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

* Chuck Norris doesn't shower, he only takes blood baths.

* The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

* In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

* According to the Encyclopedia Brittanica, the Native American "Trail of Tears" has been redefined as anywhere that Chuck Norris walks.

* Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

* Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

* When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

* There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.

* Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

* Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

* Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

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Post by v00d00ppl » Mon Jan 07, 2008 6:58 am

Dewey Cox owns both just by holding his guitar pick.
SSL X Desk / Apollo Twin Solo / Sherman Restyler / Ensoniq EPS Classic / Analog Keys / Handsome Audio Zulu

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Post by forge » Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:33 am

e.maynard wrote: Chuck Norris is a goof.

yeah since I saw him and his evangelical nob-end HUckabee affilliation bollox I decided he doesnt deserve all the jokes, even ironically

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Post by chrysalis33rpm » Mon Jan 07, 2008 9:31 am

You clowns. The post title is not "Who would win in a brawl?". As you have astutely noted, Chuck wins. the question is, Who is COOLEST? Well obviously this forum is populated by prepubescent boys...but when you guys hit puberty, it will become apparent to you that the FONZ is the MAN who upheld SUAVE for his generation. I defy you to find a woman who is not tempted by his unique combination of charisma, leather, and aftershave. The fight for coolness is waged on the social plane...Fonzy all the way.

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Post by dcease » Mon Jan 07, 2008 10:51 pm

yes, but fighting IS cool. in the beginning, fonz and norris were probably fighting over some hairy cave chick, and in which case, what good would fonz' suave do against norris? and subsequently chuck would be gettin the poon. and that is your definition of cool, defending chuck. i can think of a lot more "cool"fighters, than "cool"grease monkeys...

the only one who does not think the lunchtime fight is cool, is the guy getting his ass kicked.

besides, i never claimed to be any other thing than prepubescent... what does that word mean? how would you enunciate?

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Post by knotkranky » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:44 pm

Tone Deft
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Post by Tone Deft » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:51 pm

^random find

does Chuck Norris blend?
In my life
Why do I smile
At people who I'd much rather kick in the eye?

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Joined: Tue Mar 14, 2006 7:08 pm
Location: la

Post by knotkranky » Mon Jan 07, 2008 11:59 pm


dj superflat
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Post by dj superflat » Tue Jan 08, 2008 2:31 am

the fonz, mos def, if the question is coolness. (there's nothing about chuck that's cool (don't get me wrong, he's got all the power in the world, but no one's claimed he's subtle or smooth about it).)

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