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Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:52 am
Can someone tell me what's cool about this?
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:54 am
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 3:59 am
chuck norris got his ass handed to him by bruce lee.....twice.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:01 am
The fact he is banging the shit out of the blonde??
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 4:37 am
what a dick.
I vote for camel toe Elvis.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:14 am
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:28 am
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:28 am
chrysalis33rpm wrote:You clowns. The post title is not "Who would win in a brawl?". As you have astutely noted, Chuck wins. the question is, Who is COOLEST? Well obviously this forum is populated by prepubescent boys...but when you guys hit puberty, it will become apparent to you that the FONZ is the MAN who upheld SUAVE for his generation. I defy you to find a woman who is not tempted by his unique combination of charisma, leather, and aftershave. The fight for coolness is waged on the social plane...Fonzy all the way.
Finally the voice of reason.
And I agree that Chuck's become a douche and is in danger of losing the privilege of being the baddest badass on the 'net.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 7:39 am
Whatever dudes, Ya just don't get it. He's done so much.
March 10th, 1940 - 12:05 AM - Chuck Norris is born on Christmas day (March 10th, 1940) in a Ryan, Oklahoma manger to a virgin mother. The old Christmas, December 25, is never celebrated again.
March 10th, 1940 - 12:06 AM - Norris' legendary beard/mustashe combo already surpases that of his father.
March 11th, 1940- The Three Wise Men visit the manger - Norris' first words: "I don't need your charity you pinko-commie bastards."
1941- His first round house kick fells rival baby at day care. That baby grows up to be impotent.
1944 - as a toddler Chuck first exhibits his supernatural powers by lifting a fallen tractor off his virgin father
1947- Does his first rep on the Total Gym JR ™ .
1948 - at age 8 chuck is the youngest Jesus to ever earn his level one black belt (the previous youngest, at age 12, was Funk K. Jesus)
1953 - earns level 15 black belt by kicking his instructor's head off
1955 - eats a whole pizza pie in one sitting
1957 - at age 17, Chuck enters rebelious teenage period of his life. Indulges in drunken all-night karate show-downs and pulls a still beating heart from one opponent's chest
1958 - in a drunken rage, he digs up the first Jesus' grave and kicks the shit out of his ancient bones
1959 - Performs his first of many miracles - turns own urine into beer; drinking buddies (George Bush Jr.) delighted
1963 - turns Japanese (then quickly back)
1969 - lands on the moon ahead of Neil Armstrong to assure his safety
1970 - frees every American prisoner of war from Vietnam under the codename "Braddock"
1975 - busts all the ghosts at Studio 54 and stays on to dance with the ladies
1980- Pontious Jimmy Carter tries to crucify Norris. Norris doesn't use any of that "why have thou forsaken me?" bullcrap; instead he quickly roundhouses Carter out of a second term.
1981- Chuck rejoices, with the world, at the birth of a child. A child named Snuggles...
1985 - After seeing a vision from God (Val Kilmer as "Iceman" in Top Gun) Chuck Norris enters his infamous flat top period .
Christmas, 1940: a child is born
1985: the Kilmer era
1989 - Berlin wall comes down. Soviet soldier's first sight of West Berlin: Chuck Norris with a hard look on his face. God-less communists quickly crumble due to fear.
1991- kicks the shit out of drugs
1993 - makes cinematic history with the masterpiece "Forest Warrior"
1994 - unleashes a fury of round houses so rapidly that he travels back in time
1995 - marries some ho
1999 - punches through a brick wall and dodges a full clip of bullets
Sept 11, 2001 - has one long, continous orgasm... all day
2003 - resolves U.S- Iraq war by beating up all the cock-gobbling protestors on the home front
1989: Red Thumper
Future (as predicted by scripture) -
2007 - brings about world peace (finally) - also, permanently gets rid of drugs
2011 - Single handedly puts down the robot uprising. Terminator scenario averted.
2013 - (August)- Cruscified, rises, blah blah blah...
2013 - (Sept) - Ascends into heaven - seated at the right hand side of God (the old Jesus is demoted).
What can you say?
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 8:26 am
so Christianity is just really old school Texas Law? explains Charlton Heston as Moses and NRA president.
Posted: Tue Jan 08, 2008 9:04 am
Correct. And the word "Testament" is actually Aramaic for the word "text" which is of course derivative of the word "Texas" where baby Chuck Norris Jesus was born.