Just thought I'd bump this one with a short joke.
How do you circumcise a troll?
Kick his sister under the chin!
While we wait, here's a short joke. Contributions, please
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007
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007
an interns first day at the hospital , hes being shown around by the head physician...as they walk thru the hall...the intern see's an open door with a guy masterbating intensly in plain view, shocked by this ,he asks the head doctor..."why is this man doing this in plain view" ....the doc replies..."oh him?, well he's got this medical condition that if he doesnt masturbate constantly , the sperm builds up in him to such as an extent that he can literaly blow up"..."oh is see" says the intern,... as they continue the walk into the ER...the intern notices a guy laying on a strecher getting a blow job from a nurse...puzzled by this he asks the doc..."hey , Doc whats up with this?"......"oh him?, same problem better medical plan"......
bumshh
bumshh
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subbasshead
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2002 8:30 am
- Location: wellington, new zealand
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence:
he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in
and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in
and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
subbasshead wrote:A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence:
he’s allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in
and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says.
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him back in and ask for his two words.
He clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away. Seven more years pass.
They bring him in for his two words. "I quit," he says.
"That’s not surprising," the elders say.
"You’ve done nothing but complain since you got here."
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Pitch Black
- Posts: 6712
- Joined: Sat Dec 21, 2002 2:18 am
- Location: New Zealand
- Contact:
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subbasshead
- Posts: 450
- Joined: Tue Oct 08, 2002 8:30 am
- Location: wellington, new zealand
i cant remember if its an oblique strategy or not but its def one of my mix strategys:
if u r ever stuck w a creative dilemma & no obvious solution, try & have a fckng good laugh! (or a spliff or whatever...)
because a whole universe of potential solutions occur in the duration of that laughter....
accordingly some great one liners from a deadpan master (steven wright)
(insert a 'boom boom cherrrrrr' or groan where appropriate)
I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...
Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. (take note- windows users)
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me; I'm afraid of widths.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.... When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
if u r ever stuck w a creative dilemma & no obvious solution, try & have a fckng good laugh! (or a spliff or whatever...)
because a whole universe of potential solutions occur in the duration of that laughter....
accordingly some great one liners from a deadpan master (steven wright)
(insert a 'boom boom cherrrrrr' or groan where appropriate)
I bought a box of animal crackers and it said on it "Do not eat if seal is broken." So I opened up the box, and sure enough...
I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out...
Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes. (take note- windows users)
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me; I'm afraid of widths.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for awhile I was a suspect.
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel over what I considered to be an odd number.
When I have a kid, I want to buy one of those strollers for twins. Then put the kid in and run around, looking frantic.... When he gets older, I'd tell him he used to have a brother, but he didn't obey.
I once put instant coffee in a microwave and went back in time.
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
When I turned two I was really anxious, because I'd doubled my age in a year. I thought, "If this keeps up, by the time I'm six I'll be ninety."
I wrote a song, but I can't read music so I don't know what it is. Every once in a while I'll be listening to the radio and I say, "I think I might have written that."
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Alex Reynolds
- Posts: 989
- Joined: Sat Jul 13, 2002 5:48 am
- Location: Philadelphia, PA, USA
- Contact:
Engineer jokes from my old man:
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
1. Two antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. Two hydrogen atoms walk into a bar. One says, "I've lost my electron." The other says, "Are you sure?" The first replies, "Yes, I'm positive."
3. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
4. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
5. A sandwich walks into a bar. The bartender says, "Sorry we don't serve food in here."
6. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
7. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
8. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
9. "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'" "That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome." "Is it common?" Doc says "It's Not Unusual."
10. Two cows standing next to each other in a field, Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," said Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaimed Daisy.
11. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
12. A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet and says, "My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? Because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy."
13. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
14. I went to the butcher's the other day and I bet him 50 bucks that he couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf. He said, "No, the steaks are too high."
15. I went to a seafood disco last week ... and pulled a mussel.
16. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
17. Two termites walk into a bar. One asks, "Is the bar tender here?"
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Guest
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Guest
ok, this joke isn't that funny and it is a bit sick, but it the first time I heard it I almost pissed my self laughing...
the joke;
- What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
- The little boy in the boot of my car.
why I found it funny;
a cute blond girl was after a mate of mine, she seems really nice, but I know for a fact that he's a seriously fuckin' odd guy with an even odder sense of humor. anyway, me and my friend met this girl while we were out and she and him started talking. she was beeing verrry flirty and said that she really like's jokes. my friend offered to tell a joke (see above...). He looked really seroius as he told it and then when he finished the joke he just stared at her like a madman. she didn't laugh. she left. we thought it was funny, even if she didn't. it could go down in history as the world worst chatup line too.
the joke;
- What's black and blue and doesn't like sex?
- The little boy in the boot of my car.
why I found it funny;
a cute blond girl was after a mate of mine, she seems really nice, but I know for a fact that he's a seriously fuckin' odd guy with an even odder sense of humor. anyway, me and my friend met this girl while we were out and she and him started talking. she was beeing verrry flirty and said that she really like's jokes. my friend offered to tell a joke (see above...). He looked really seroius as he told it and then when he finished the joke he just stared at her like a madman. she didn't laugh. she left. we thought it was funny, even if she didn't. it could go down in history as the world worst chatup line too.