My FAKE Complaint About Robert Henke

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:51 pm

For all you morons out there who don't get it...THIS IS NOT A REAL COMPLAINT...it was autogenerated by http://www.pakin.org/complaint/ and it's supposed to be FUN FUN.

This letter has three main sections. In the first, I argue that Mr. Robert Henke is clearly exasperated by the limitations that have thus far denied him the ability to tip the scales in his favor. In the second, I make it clear that I undeniably hope that his punishment fits his crime. And in the third and final section, I conclude that his legatees will leave us high and dry as they turn us into easy prey for unsympathetic publishers of hate literature. Perhaps before going on, I should describe Mr. Henke to you. Mr. Henke is unconscionable, intellectually challenged, and mentally deficient. Furthermore, he yearns to shove the Ableton nation towards Chekism.

Although this may come as a surprise to some readers, Mr. Henke's hypocrisy is transparent. Even the least discerning among us can see right through it. If Mr. Henke doesn't realize that it's generally considered bad style to foment revolting forms of political tyranny, then he should read one of the many self-help books on the subject. I recommend he buy one with big print and lots of pictures. Maybe then Mr. Henke will grasp the concept that if he wants to complain, he should have an argument. He shouldn't just throw out the word "counterrevolutionist", for example, and expect us to be scared. Although he occasionally exhibits a passable simulacrum of rationality, Mr. Henke contends that he can override nature. Excuse me, but where exactly did this little factoid come from?

I don't believe I violate any confidences when I assert that Mr. Henke's assertions are designed to respond to this letter with hyperbolic and uncorroborated accusations and assaults on free speech. And they're working; they're having the desired effect. There is no excuse for the innumerable errors of fact, the slovenly and philistine artistic judgments, the historical ineptitude, the internal contradictions, and the various half-truths, untruths, and gussied-up truths that litter every one of Mr. Henke's essays from the first word to the last. My eventual goal for this letter is to take steps against the whole contumacious brotherhood of hostile, nasty dips. I'm counting on you for your support.

glitchrock-buddha · Post by **glitchrock-buddha** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 8:57 pm

Looks like he had some harsh things to say about you as well, according to this PM I just received:

Robert Henke wrote:The last thing I wanted to do this Saturday night was spend several hours writing, editing, and typing this letter. However, I needed to do it because it's undoubtedly the best way to strip the unjust power from those who seek power over others and over nature. When writing this letter, I had originally intended to segregate the pure errors of fact in Mr. Nebulae's comments from the assertions of questionable judgment where there could be room for dispute. I eventually decided against that approach because we mustn't let Nebulae withhold information and disseminate half truths and whole lies. That would be like letting the Mafia serve as a new national police force in Italy. Given a choice of having him make it impossible to disturb his demented gravy train or having my bicuspids extracted sans Novocaine, I would embrace the pliers, purchase some Polident Partials, and call it a day. On the issue of ageism, Nebulae is wrong again. Sure, I sometimes use the hypocorism, "anti-democratic tricksters", when referring to him and his cat's-paws. But Nebulae must sense his own irremediable inferiority. That's why he is so desperate to practice human sacrifice on a grand scale in some sort of squalid death cult; it's the only way for him to distinguish himself from the herd. It would be a lot nicer, however, if Nebulae also realized that he has spent untold hours trying to pander to our worst fears. During that time, did it ever once occur to him that what he seems to be forgetting is that it is undeniable by anyone but what I call feckless, improvident busybodies that mindless pauperism is merely a symptom of the disease called "Nebulae-ism"? Apparently, even know-it-all Nebulae doesn't know the answer to that one. It wouldn't matter if he did, given that he says that he wants to make life better for everyone. Lacking a coherent ideology, however, he always ends up challenging all I stand for.

When I say that several of Nebulae's disciples, who asked to remain nameless, informed me of Nebulae's secret plans to lead people towards iniquity and sin, this does not, I repeat, does not mean that the media should "create" news rather than report it. This is a common fallacy held by unprincipled undesirables. What we're involved in with Nebulae is not a game. It's the most serious possible business, and every serious person -- every person with any shred of a sense of responsibility -- must concern himself with it. In an article I read recently, he is quoted as saying that he wants to dismantle the guard rails that protect society from the uneducated elements in its midst. This was meant be taken as a joke, but the joke is on us. You see, most people are still loath to admit that Nebulae can be so self-deceiving it would take your breath away. But there is a further-reaching implication: If there's one thing that he's good at, it's spreading the germs of hatred, of discord and jealously, of dissolution and decomposition.

If you ask Nebulae if it's true that the last time he reached into his bag of dirty tricks, he pulled out a scheme to promote mediocrity over merit, you'll just get a lot of foot-shuffling and downcast eyes in response. I don't normally want to expose anyone to rigorous sarcasm, satire and disdain but he unequivocally deserves it. What he fails to mention in his jeremiads is actually quite telling. For example, did you know that he wants to relabel millions of people as "clueless"? Or that the execrable and repressive nature of his diatribes should indicate to us that something needs to be done? Everywhere he's gone, he has tried to burn his opponents at the stake. It can happen here, too.

Nebulae and I disagree about our civic duties. I contend that we must do our utmost to appeal not to the contented and satisfied, but embrace those tormented by suffering, those without peace, the unhappy and the discontented. Nebulae, on the other hand, believes that it's okay if his jibes initially cause our quality of life to degrade because "sometime", "someone" will do "something" "somehow" to counteract that trend. Perhaps it sounds like stating the obvious to say that he plans to truck away our freedoms for safekeeping. He has instructed his factotums not to discuss this or even admit to his plan's existence. Obviously, Nebulae knows he has something to hide. Ironically, if natural selection indeed works by removing the weakest and most genetically unfit members of a species then he is clearly going to be the first to go.

I surely feel that Nebulae has insulted everyone with even the slightest moral commitment. He obviously has none or he wouldn't burn books. Thoughtful people are being forced to admit, after years of evading the truth, that I have been right. I was right when I said that it would be hard to find anyone who doesn't agree that there can be no argument that you have my word that Nebulae has become so morally and ideologically degraded, so acclimated to revisionism and frotteurism, that he wants to trade facts for fantasy, truth for myths, academics for collective socialization, and individual thinking for group manipulation. I was right when I said that Nebulae is penny wise and pound foolish. And I was right when I said that Nebulae seems to assume that he is entitled to foster suspicion -- if not hatred -- of "outsiders". This is an assumption of the worst kind because his lickspittles resist seeing that it's quite sad that he chooses to squander his talent on this sort of crazy feudalism. They resist seeing such things because to see them, to examine them, to think about them and draw conclusions from them is to prevent Nebulae's prolix metanarratives from spreading like a malignant tumor. At this point, our task is to force Mr. Nebulae into early retirement. Your support can help greatly with this task, this crucial task, at which we must not fail.

I hope you guys work it out!

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:00 pm

^ oh snap! I can't beleive he said those things about me! what a cuntbag!

stringtapper · Post by **stringtapper** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:07 pm

Where are the footnotes?!?!

rikhyray · Post by **rikhyray** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:26 pm

That is the best thing you ever posted , I am generating those and they only get better, actually I might use some in real life.

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:29 pm

^ wish I could take credit - grabbed it from ALDJ

weeddigger · Post by **weeddigger** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:32 pm

I've sent one to my boss at work and copied his direct superiors!!!!

Hilarious!!

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:33 pm

weeddigger wrote:I've sent one to my boss at work and copied his direct superiors!!!!

Hilarious!!

well done...see you at the unemployment line tomorrow...I'll bring coffee, you bring donuts

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:37 pm

nebulae wrote:
weeddigger wrote:I've sent one to my boss at work and copied his direct superiors!!!!

Hilarious!!
well done...see you at the unemployment line tomorrow...I'll bring coffee, you bring donuts

I may be risking my life by telling you this, but Mr. Neb U Lae is the root of all evil. I want to share this with you because as our society continues to unravel, more and more people will be grasping for straws, grasping for something to hold onto, grasping for something that promises to give them the sense of security and certainty that they so desperately need. These are the classes of people Mr. Lae preys upon. I've said this before, and I'll say it again, but I recently overheard a couple of antihumanist hatemongers say that laws are meant to be broken. Here, again, we encounter the blurred thinking that is characteristic of this Mr. Lae-induced era of slogans and propaganda. He recently stated that divine ichor flows through his veins. He said that with a straight face, without even cracking a smile or suppressing a giggle. He said it as if he meant it. That's scary because he wants us to believe that nepotism is a wonderful thing. How stupid does he think we are? I mean, he recently claimed that people prefer "cultural integrity" and "multicultural sensitivity" to health, food, safety, and the opportunity to choose their own course through life. I would have found this comment shocking had I not heard similar garbage from him a hundred times before.

What's more, there is no place in this country where we are safe from Mr. Lae's underlings, no place where we are not targeted for hatred and attack. I wish I could say this nicely but I don't have much tolerance for what I call hidebound mob bosses: Mr. Lae spouts a lot of numbers whenever he wants to make a point. He then subjectively interprets those numbers to support his dissertations while ignoring the fact that he refuses to come to terms with reality. Mr. Lae prefers instead to live in a fantasy world of rationalization and hallucination. Many people lie. However, Mr. Lae lies with such ease it's troubling. Snooty, lamebrained Philistines, more than any other segment of the population, like to treat traditional values as if they were deplorable crimes. (Note the heroic restraint stopping me from saying that much of the noise made on Mr. Lae's behalf is generated by stingy fussbudgets who seem to have nothing better to do with their time.)

Sensationalism is sustained by rigid ideological categories, yet some of Mr. Lae's arguments are so convoluted that they require a dictionary, a decoder ring, and a team of scholars to decipher. This sort of vertiginous paradox is well known to most execrable rakes. One might suspect that even those few who benefit from Mr. Lae's demands fail to recognize their current manifestation as an abhorrent form of deconstructionism. While that's true, it does somewhat miss the point. You see, on that basis, I should, at this point, acquire the input of a representative cross-section of the community in a non-threatening, inclusive environment. Whatever weight we accord to that fact, we may be confident that because of Mr. Lae's obsession with onanism, he ought to realize that the most valuable of all talents is that of never using two words when one will do. Unfortunately, Mr. Lae tends to utter so much verbiage about sadism that I can conclude only that he ignores the most basic ground rule of debate. In case you're not familiar with it, that rule is: attack the idea, not the person. Now that you've read this letter, let me challenge you, the reader, not just to help me give our young people the values that will inspire them to enable patriots to use their freedoms to save their freedoms, but also to educate others about what I've written.

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:40 pm

yes, neb, it's autogenerated, but you gotta admit the bit about onanism was right on target.

nebulae · Post by **nebulae** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:40 pm

Mr. Lae...perfect

Aequitas123 · Post by **Aequitas123** » Wed Jul 23, 2008 9:44 pm

I don't get it... what track are you trying to Sidechain compress?

metafactor · Post by **metafactor** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:48 pm

Generated one about myself for kicks.

Metafactor thinks that space aliens are out to lay eggs in our innards or ooze their alien hell-slime all over us. Unfortunately for him, he's wrong. It is worth noting at the outset that he's more than nutty. Metafactor's mega-nutty. In fact, to understand just how nutty he is, you first need to realize that Metafactor attributes the most distorted, bizarre, and ludicrous "meanings" to ordinary personality characteristics. For example, if you're shy, he calls you "fearful and withdrawn". If, instead, you're the outgoing and active type, Metafactor says you're "acting out due to trauma". Why does he say such things? To answer that question, we need first to consider Metafactor's thought process, which generally takes the following form: (1) Man's eternal search for Truth is a challenge to be avoided at all costs, so (2) phallocentrism is the key to world peace. Therefore, (3) everyone who scrambles aboard the Metafactor bandwagon is guaranteed a smooth ride and thus, (4) he holds a universal license that allows him to produce culturally degenerate films and tapes. As you can see, Metafactor's reasoning makes no sense, which leads me to believe that when you tell Metafactor's buddies that when Metafactor says that human life is expendable, he's just plain wrong -- not "partially wrong" but "thoroughly and utterly wrong" -- they begin to get fidgety and their eyes begin to wander. They really don't care. They have no interest in hearing that he should stop calling me a bookish yahoo. Although I've been called worse things by better people, when Metafactor tells us that an open party with unlimited access to alcohol can't possibly outgrow the host's ability to manage the crowd, he somehow fails to mention that I, for one, must indeed reach out even to my most ostrich-like readers and show them how he used twisted and self-contradictory logic to arrive at his conclusion that black is white and night is day. He fails to mention that he is completely unmovable by truth or reason. And he fails to mention that his half-measures have served as a powerful weapon with which overweening perverts (especially the mingy type) can focus too much on one side of the equation and not enough on the broader perspective of things. This is not what I think; this is what I know. I additionally know that I, for one, am shocked and angered by Metafactor's petty improprieties. Such shameful conduct should never be repeated. Finally, this has been a good deal of reading, and sincerely difficult reading at that. Still, I hope you walk away from it with the new knowledge that Metafactor has shown he's not afraid to be superficial.

fatrabbit · Post by **fatrabbit** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 4:59 pm

If you activate the EXT button in the top-right of Live it will stop the spacebar being active as a play/pause.

Aequitas123 · Post by **Aequitas123** » Thu Jul 24, 2008 5:02 pm

This is stupid.

What does it even have to do with Sidechain Compression and Mangled Beats?