How often do you talk to your parents?

TomViolenz · Post by **TomViolenz** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 6:50 pm

JuanSOLO wrote:

Much better than the original!

derzai · Post by **derzai** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:01 pm

i first met my bio-dad when i was 40 years old. the man that brought me up died 3 years ago.

beats me · Post by **beats me** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:13 pm

derzai wrote:i first met my bio-dad when i was 40 years old.

How did that go? I’ve never met my dad and I’m 42. I’m less interested in meeting him and more interested in finding out if I have any half siblings cause other than that I am an only child.

derzai · Post by **derzai** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 7:49 pm

beats me wrote:
derzai wrote:i first met my bio-dad when i was 40 years old.

How did that go? I’ve never met my dad and I’m 42. I’m less interested in meeting him and more interested in finding out if I have any half siblings cause other than that I am an only child.

hai, that is quite a story. finding out about my bio family was quite an effort and with some "luck" and "coincidence" i succeeded. cant put it here in a few lines, is a story.

the man that brought me up was a farmer born 1935 couple of miles from the dutch german border. my bio-dad moved to england in 1967 where he lived for about 30 years. my biodad is/was a good friend of charles bukowski, ira cohen, peter thomas blake (the guy that did the st pepper album design, to name a few) so we are talking different worlds here.

in 1985, i was at the age of 20 i went to rotterdam to the city where i was born, to get my birth certificate in the city hall over there.

the man asked me: how old is your mother, i did a guess and said: i think she is 40. it was the day before she got 40, so the man got my birth-certificate. i remember very well, 4th of januari 1985.

my mother was born 5th of januari 1945.

you must understand, i was born with a different name that i carried during my life, and still carry. and at the time i didnt know the name with which i was born.

so that was coincidence or luck, or if you are religious in some way or the other, it was all organized from "above". what i think.

once i had her name things start rolling and i found my grandmother. i got a halfsister here in amsterdam, a halfbrother in thailand, a halfbrother and a halfsister in england, and then there is my adoptive sister with which i was brought up.

but my grandmother didnt know my biodads name.

and the man that was married to my biomum didnt want to give his name, and my biomum didnt want to see me.

and then for some reason my biodad started to look for me, and (also with luck and coincidence) he found me.

eventually i rejected them all.

but the story is still there.

as soon as my mum that brought me up has died i will write it all down, in some roman a clef form.

oh yeh, my biomum is a kid from my grandmother and a jewish refugee, the man she was married to (a dutch) was in germany while working for the nazis.

dont get me wrong, he wasnt working for the nazis, he was put on transport there to work as a slave for todt or speer.

as many other dutch man at the time.

picture of me.

aisling · Post by **aisling** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:09 pm

My grandparents are more involved in my life than my parents. I call them every week. The 60's were rough on my parents, they had poor emotional intelligence, and did not have the tools to be parents. Unfortunately were are estranged (though my dad lives about 1/3 mile away, I see him a few times a year, and he is always welcome to visit his grandchildren, but does not take the opportunity to do so, and my mother has never met her grandchildren, not does she care to), but it is healthier that way....
It is regretful, but now that I have kids, I see it was the best decision to make, so my kids don't inherit the scars that I have worked to diminish....

john gordon · Post by **john gordon** » Tue Sep 30, 2014 11:28 pm

Yeah. I guess I should just make more an effort as they won't be around forever. I lost my stepfather last year and now I wish I could have said goodbye one last time.How he died was really messed up as well. He had gone to Costa Rica to have some dental work done and had a heart attack in his hotel room. My mother had to fly to CR to identify the body and everything.. What a crazy time we all went through..

avart · Post by **avart** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 12:12 am

I got a letter after my biological dad had died of cancer. But I had just met him 5 times total in my life so it both was and still wasn't such a dramatic event. Feels just a bit weird and somewhat unfinished even though there wasn't much to "finish".

I mail my mother once a month and meet her, my stepdad and my siblings maybe 3-5 times a year. We live in different parts of the country and live quite different lives so I guess it just is like it is.

I meet my gf's family a lot more and it is quite unbearable sometimes - the generations of people in a family can be really far from each other in values and stuff and some discussions are best avoided...

oblique strategies · Post by **oblique strategies** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:15 am

Ain't life grand?

Pitch Black · Post by **Pitch Black** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:30 am

oblique strategies wrote:Ain't life grand?

At least anyone posting here is still breathing.

So there's that.

eyeknow · Post by **eyeknow** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:26 am

john gordon wrote:I don't know.. I get annoyed that my dad feels like we have to talk every week and now I find myself ignoring his calls and ignoring his messages. I tried telling him I hate talking in the phone but it didn't work. It would seem he would figure it out when he'll call 5 times and I won't pick up. Really annoying man..

An issue for the internet

eyeknow · Post by **eyeknow** » Wed Oct 01, 2014 5:32 am

As far as parents are concerned, I see/hear from them WAY too much. Almost daily? If I had the coin to get rid of this house and move up north I still wouldn't now (though I would have years ago) They are very old and starting to lose it. Who else is going to take care of all that stuff? It's kinda scary. Actually, it's really scary. Money isn't too big of an issue, but I'm not the most patient person on the planet.....but I want to be able to take care of them.

Fuck, they are SO head strong though

They REFUSE to think about their certain fate. They worry about shit they can't control and don't live for the now. My mother only worries about those fucking idiots at fox news

Oh well.......I don't think it's so bad that your dad wants to talk to you all the time. Neither one of you are living forever

H20nly · Post by **H20nly** » Thu Oct 16, 2014 10:33 pm

i talk to my mom every few weeks. and sometimes i buy her a plane ticket to come stay with my son and i for 3 or 4 weeks. she's in Texas and we're in California.

my biological father i met in 2003 when i was 28. turns out he had Alzheimer's and died last year from it. i saw him a few times. he would tell stories that the rest of the family had long since grown tired of hearing. i thought they were cool. the last time i saw him 2010, i pretty much knew his brain was mush. he would lose himself in conversations and i had to coax him along reminding him of what it was he was saying. it makes me glad i have a son... if i share my father's fate, i hope the boy will be there for me.

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