11 Years clean

[alex.the.forge]

you know what, you're being very diplomatic there smutek, but I actually nearly put at the end of my post "...cue saint dumb0unce in 5…4..3…2…." to come in and shit all over it, he's so fucking predictable.

I'm still waiting for the cowardly little fuck to stop hiding behind his anonymity and front up. But he never will because he is the very definition of cowardice.

[dum]

you know what, you're being very diplomatic there smutek, but I actually nearly put at the end of my post "...cue saint dumb0unce in 5…4..3…2…." to come in and shit all over it, he's so fucking predictable.

I'm still waiting for the cowardly little fuck to stop hiding behind his anonymity and front up. But he never will because he is the very definition of cowardice.

And this is why you've got more than a semblance of my respect smutek. Because, despite everything I've said, you're not an emotional cripple.

[smutek]

Actually - you said "maybe it isn't" and that you weren't sure. Am I to take it that's not really what you meant ? Are your words as hollow as the lip-service you so plainly seek ?

Fair enough. I'll revise that statement, say this, and try to explain - I do believe that by forgetting my past I am at risk of repeating it.

My sobriety means a lot to me - literally, getting clean saved my life. It's the single most important decision I've ever made and I know that without having made that decision nothing that I have in my life today would have been possible.

I would not have my wife, my son, or my relationship with my friends and family. There would be no home, no car, no career, and no school. I would not even be sitting here typing this message to you. Most likely I'd be either dead or in jail.

So of course this defines me. Why would I want to forget any of this?

My past is the reminder that helps me to stay clean, I'm absolutely sure of that. There's certainly a lot of days that go by that I don't even think of my addiction, but my clean date is a day I always reflect on it and I have no qualms announcing it.

So, where you see me as basking in a shadow I actually like to keep this shit close so that I never get to the point where I think "just one" (insert substace here) is going to be OK.

I also feel almost compelled to share my past, not all of the gruesome particulars mind you, but I feel compelled to share it because in this way I am often presented with opportunities to help others. This concept doesn't so much apply to this thread, however, because this is really just a way of me congratulating my self. (as you've pointed out)

Sure, I've received some "lip-service", but to me it's not at all hollow. I appreciate the kind words I received in response and I don't see anything at all wrong with that.

Thanks for clarifying on the dry addict part, and yes I do know exactly what it means.

Also, I wont loose sleep by not receiving high fives from you (or anyone else). It's fine, really. I get what your saying but you are right, you don't have much to go on.

You do however, in my view, have a penchant for making people think about exactly what it is that they are writing and trying to communicate. Believe it or not this is something I appreciate just as much as a high five - maybe more - and this is also why I think you are a cool mo fo. Seriously.

I say this because while in many ways my past motivates me there are still ways that it does hold me back. This part has less to do with drugs however, and more to do with some of the root causes of addiciton - things I am still working on.

I do appreciate the banter with you and being challenged by you as it gives me something to take away and reflect on.

SO if you were hoping to send me to bed with no pudding you've failed.



All the best.



ps - It's 5:25 am here, I need to hit the sack.

[alex.the.forge]

you know what, you're being very diplomatic there smutek, but I actually nearly put at the end of my post "...cue saint dumb0unce in 5…4..3…2…." to come in and shit all over it, he's so fucking predictable.

I'm still waiting for the cowardly little fuck to stop hiding behind his anonymity and front up. But he never will because he is the very definition of cowardice.

And this is why you've got more than a semblance of my respect smutek. Because, despite everything I've said, you're not an emotional cripple.

yeah I nearly mentioned the whole "emotional cripple" thing…. I can't really see what else you'd call someone who has made literally thousands of posts on a music forum with no other purpose than to shit on an insult as many people as you can, completely from the safety of your little position of anonymity.

Does it really make you feel better about yourself? I mean Really?

[DangerousDave]

'dry-addict' for want of a better term. if you know what I'm getting at ignore the semantics. and yes, I'm referring to you - at least how you come across by making these posts. I have nothing else to work with.

ultimately, good for you - you're clean. but you're destined to bask in that shadow for the rest of your life and willfully gorge yourself on lip-service the whole time for doing so. I'd prefer to see you totally past it, and that's why you'll get no high-fives from me.


adieu, mon ami.

wow. its probably hard for smutek to post about this stuff when there are clearly people on here who have a very rudimentary knowledge of addictions, be it physical, emotional, or otherwise. Pretty much every shrink on the planet is in agreement with the "addiction battle is never over bit" and that it is something one deals with for their whole life, but apparently not everyone on here is on the same page. Even putting the idea of "addiction" aside, if the event was a life changing moment, for ANY reason he would probably remember it for the REST of his LIFE no?

Congrats dude, I am A. not emo. B. giving you e-hugs, not high fives and C. impressed. I hope you find happiness knowing what you have accomplished, it is truly extraordinary.

Sorry guys, i had to bite on this one, it was too easy.

[LoopStationZebra]

I guess the thread title should have been:

dum, I'm 11 years clean. Help me get over it. Please.

[pulsoc]

Congrats Smutek, no mean feat.

Especially in Baltimore

[pepezabala]

Congratulations Smutek.

By the way, the other day I saw a great concert by a very crazy artist (Daniel Higgs) and it made me think a lot about why people do perform, and why do people like to go to performances. The point is that a good performer is able to have people participate in his illumination. There are many factors coming together, the setting, the willingness of the audience to follow, the technical capabilities of the performance etc.

Well, I believe that you letting us participate in your illumination by writing on this forum is caused by the same magical forces that made you a musical performer.

Rock on, the world needs you to speak out.

[djsynchro]

It just worked.

I can still quote

Hey congratulations!

[beats me]

Congrats!

Not to steal your thunder here, but about 11 months ago I made the decision to abstain from a rewarding life and for the most part I've been successful. I'll admit there has been some near moments of accomplishment but luckily those moments were soon derailed by either life circumstances or myself directly. My higher power is truly watching over me in this endeavor. Hopefully in 11 years I can still claim I've made zero improvements in my life.

[djsynchro]

See you on Windows 9!

[wildcon]

Hey Smutek,

Congrats

I've seen the damage addictions can cause first hand, and admire you for getting and staying clean.

Cheers

[Machinesworking]

Congrats on 11, I personally won't post clean time online as I in real life get zero boost from some drunk or high motherfucker congratulating me, can't get beyond the hypocrisy of it... Also not convinced that online forums are a good way to communicate with practicing addicts, but that's my own perspective, I'm definitely a believer in the whatever works for you line of thinking in terms of addiction etc.

[fishmonkey]

Pretty much every shrink on the planet is in agreement with the "addiction battle is never over bit"...

that is a gross over-generalisation.

it really depends mostly on whether you buy into the "addiction as disease" model, or "mental illness as disease" model for that matter, or even more ridiculously the "human as hopeless sinner" model...

[H20nly]

dude congrats. i'm sure the asshole giving you a hard time about it probably isn't a 100% sober individual so he's talking out of his ass anyway. ignore the naysayers. you should be proud to have come from homeless to posting online with a computer on a forum related to an expensive software program. we shouldn't measure ourselves by the things we own, but like it or not, they do represent a certain amount of progress.

stay strong - for you.