[ot] jokes, preferably juvenile...

[bodhi71]

"Man, I can't understand it." Leroy said to Sam." we've worked together now for years, and every day you come in here
happy-go-lucky, never a care in the world, why is that?"
"Oh that's easy, every night when I get home, I says to my wife,
Golden hair, golden hair, with eyes so blue,
I want to make sweet love to you."
"It works every time.I have had sex everyday since the day we've been married" boasted Sam.
"Sheeeeeet, that really works?"pondered Leroy.
"Yep," replied Sam, very pleased with himself.

So a week goes by, two weeks and Leroy hasn't been back to work.By the third week Leroy finally returns to work, obviously beaten and bruised, still sporting a shiner and a cast.
"My God what happened?"
"Well I did just like you said,"Leroy said.
"I don't understand, it always works for me. What exactly did you say?"
"Wells I gets home and says to her...
"Nappy head, nappy head, with eyes like a frog,
Get on all fours, and I'll fuck ya like a dog"...

[Machinesworking]

Wow. I found a rude person online. LOL

I'm not the person throwing sexual politics and morality into a thread on humor, that would be you.
In that sense you, in fact are the one who started the bad vibes. Congratulations on winning the weekly prize for passive aggressive behavior. Your prize is a sense of moral superiority, a lifelong behavioral pattern of trying to weasel out of your own blatant egocentric aggressive jabs at other people, and an inherent lack of ability to see that your own actions are the cause of conflict in your life.

I'm really sorry that this prize does you no good at all, as you've already mastered these fine arts, as witnessed in your replies in this thread. A better prize would be a clear understanding that taking a single joke out of dozens of sick and twisted jokes, and singling it out for your own moral observations, then proceeding to engage in bullshit pseudo intellectual evasion of your own aggressive antagonistic behavior in said thread, is a clear indication of PC behavior at it's worst. This prize will not be accepted I would gather.

[bodhi71]

Wow. I found a rude person online. LOL

I'm not the person throwing sexual politics and morality into a thread on humor, that would be you.
In that sense you, in fact are the one who started the bad vibes. Congratulations on winning the weekly prize for passive aggressive behavior. Your prize is a sense of moral superiority, a lifelong behavioral pattern of trying to weasel out of your own blatant egocentric aggressive jabs at other people, and an inherent lack of ability to see that your own actions are the cause of conflict in your life.

I'm really sorry that this prize does you no good at all, as you've already mastered these fine arts, as witnessed in your replies in this thread. A better prize would be a clear understanding that taking a single joke out of dozens of sick and twisted jokes, and singling it out for your own moral observations, then proceeding to engage in bullshit pseudo intellectual evasion of your own aggressive antagonistic behavior in said thread, is a clear indication of PC behavior at it's worst. This prize will not be accepted I would gather.

Wow... that's really good.
I think at times I might be guilty of some of these things.
If he doesn't accept the award, I'll take it.
Usually it's when I forget my true self and become mired in the ills of society, Feeling heavy, sweaty, confused,maybe a little hungry.
Is this part of the human condition? Or am I just an asshole?

[Angstrom]

A man goes to the doctor and shows him his dick, it's full of holes. The man says, "Doctor, it's terrible - when I pee it's like a watering can, it goes everywhere." The doctor takes a good look at it and says, "hmmm, Sir I think you need to see Mr Croft."
"Why?", says the man, "is he some kind of specialist dick doctor?".
"No he's a flute player - he'll show you how to hold it."

[mikemc]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping. In the middle of the night, Holmes nudges Watson awake. "Watson," he says, "Look up at the night sky, and tell me what you deduce."

Watson ponders momentarily, and replies, "Well, there are a myriad of stars, not only the ones that we can see with the naked eye, but substantially more that are more distant and faint. Given the vastness of the universe, and the extraordinarily vast number of stars, it is worth considering that some of these may even have planets. Indeed, further; that some of those planets may harbour life, and some of that life might even be sentient, with an intelligence equal to, or even superior to, our own!"

"No, Watson," Holmes retorts, "Although a provocative theory, I rather think it means someone has stolen our tent."

[Pitch Black]

^^^

What's the most sensitive part of a man's body when he's masturbating?




His ears.

[funky shit]

^^^

What's the most sensitive part of a man's body when he's masturbating?




His ears.

[Machinesworking]

Is this part of the human condition? Or am I just an asshole?

Personally I think at this point in our development, being an asshole is part of the human condition.

[Tone Deft]

did you hear the one about the guy who thought he could win an argument online?

[Mint Invader]

did you hear the one about the guy who thought he could win an argument online?

Winning an argument on the internet is like winning the special Olympics. You got first and your still retarded.

[slatepipe]

man goes into a bar and says 'have you got any helicopter flavour crisps?'

barman replies 'no we've only got plain'

[jez3122]

Whats green and can't fly

A Field.


Whats brown and can't fly

A ploughed Field.


why did the monkey fall out of the tree

because he was dead.


whats brown and sticky

A Stick.


whats orange and sounds like a Parrot

A Carrot.



you ask for juvenile......

[DaffyDub]

Been laughing like a madman at all these joke today at work - thx for saving a long dull day

I've got one:

2 classic nude greek statues, a male and a female are standing looking at eachother in a park, as they have done for more than a century. One fine morning a 3 feet tall English gentleman in a bowlerhat with a walking cane hanging on his forearm walks up to the statues and says: Tomorrow at noon I'll be back, and give you life for 1 hour, so that you can do all the things you've been dreaming about all those years.....

Next day he really does com back - does his magic and the statues are suddenly full of life! They jump off their pedestals, grab eachother by the hand and run off into the surrounding bushes..... soon, the noises of pleasure are heard: Mmhhhh yes.... more..... mhhhh more....more....

After 45 minutes they return to the pedestals.... the english gentleman looks at them and says: What???? are you out of your minds? you still have 15 minutes left and after that I'll turn you into stone and you'll never see me again, so run off and enjoy your last minutes of freedom!

Ok says the male statue to the female - but this time YOU hold down the pigeon and I'll shit on it !

[outsidesys]

Q: Why do women fake orgasims?
A: Because they think we care.

Q: What's the scientific term for a gay male dinosaur?
A: Megasaurass

Q: What's the scientific term for a gay female dinosaur?
A: Lickalotapus

[hoffman2k]