Anybody have good musician jokes?

[mojofunk]

After reading a whole list of kinda un-funny 9-11 jokes in another thread I realized that I never remember jokes unless they are musician jokes. And even those don't stick with me. I'll bet you guys have got a million of 'em!

Here's a crappy one to get the ball rolling:
While on safari a group of hunters were startled by wild drumming coming from the jungle. When they expressed their concern to their native guides they were told, "no - the drumming is good. It is bad when the drumming stops" One night, the drumming did abruptly stop and the hunters asked, fearfully, "Why is it bad when the drumming stops?" The guides replied "Because that's when the bass solo begins!"

Insert groan here!

[gjm]

How do you know a Tuba player is at the door?




Pizza's Here!!

[stringtapper]

What do you call two violists playing in unison?

Counterpoint.

[nuxnamon]

you dj so bad that the company DJ-Tech hired this guy before you.. check the scratching in real time demo and his harmonic mixing..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TCu7kxpDIL8

on a side note.. If I talked like that, will I get more play from the ladies??

[mojofunk]

What's the definition of a minor 2nd?
Two trombones playing unison.

[sdmiddleton]

How do you know a Tuba player is at the door?




Pizza's Here!!

Is that cos they're all fat? or have limited career opportunities?

[pulsoc]

What do you call a drummer without a girlfriend?


Homeless.


How may guitarists does it take screw in a lightbulb?


100. 1 to screw it in and 99 to talk about how much better they would have done it.




How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?


Fuck it, play in the dark.

[gjm]

How do you know a Tuba player is at the door?




Pizza's Here!!

Is that cos they're all fat? or have limited career opportunities?

I had career opportunities in mind.... don't tell me you are a full time Tuba player

[gjm]

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?

A flat minor.

[mojofunk]

Woo Hoo!

Groan . . .

Woo Hoo!

My band (3 musicians and a drummer) are going to wonder how I suddenly got so funny! And then they'll kick my ass.

[JoshR]

What was the last thing the drummer said before he was kicked out of the band?

"Hey guys, I have an idea for a song..."

[mikemc]

A producer walks into a pet store wanting a parrot that makes particularly interesting noises. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $2,000 and the other is $6,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $2,000 one do?"

"He does beats in any style you want, breakbeats, techno... we call him Boomer."

"Pretty cool... and the other?" said the producer.

"She can emulate any synthesizer, does basslines, arps... we call her Melody.
But, hey, we've got another one in the back for $12K."

"Awesome! What does that one do?"

"He kinda holds up his wings and wiggles them while the others do what they do. We call him DeeJay."

[nuxnamon]

a guy goes to guitar center and asks for a 1/4 TRS to midi cable.. the salesman says let me check the computer to see if we have some stock.. moments later the salesman goes "looks like we don't have any in stock".. oh wait.. that's not a joke, that's a true story..

[gabrielsaint]

What is the difference between an A flat and a G sharp?

[stringtapper]

What is the difference between an A flat and a G sharp?

Which tuning system and which key?