Ableton Forum

Cryptic UK wrote:

beats me wrote:Well there was the time a friend and I showed up to a pirate themed costume house party that wasn't anywhere near Halloween. Everybody there was in the dining room when we went to put our bottles of alcohol in the kitchen. Nobody really said anything at first when we walked in the door but we soon realized we were at the wrong house that was just a regular dinner party. We lost the street address but saw there was a lot of cars parked in front of the house and the front door was open so we assumed that was it. Much laughter was had by all.

Outrageous!

Just too crazy for me.

Sorry my story of walking into a stranger's house dressed like pirates wasn't crazy enough for you. Should I dig through the archives to find one that involves sleeping with a fat chick, passing out in my own piss or vomit, getting into a fight, or ending the night in handcuffs? Help me to help you.

please do beats.. please do

funky shit wrote:please do beats.. please do

+1

A couple of years ago, me and my mate went to the local rock club. It had been a while since either of us had been out on a rock night and we were in nostalgic mood!

Some band had been playing before we got there, called 'Penfold Lovelife' or some shit like that (I can never remember) but we got there for the after gig club night. So we're giving it large all night bouncing around like 14 year olds (especially when 'New Noise' by Refused came on) in the pit and sinking Jack and Coke till it's sweating out of our pores!

Near closing time my mate bumbles over to me and tells me he's been chatting to the tour manager of 'Penknife Lovelight' and he's got some acid for sale (3 tabs for a tenner), now I'm absolutely battered by this point but without even batting an eyelid I'm fumbling in my pocket pulling out pennies, buttons, pieces of eight, anything to get £10 together. I think we managed to find just over 8 quid and I sent my mate to see if he'd take it?

So, my mate comes back and it's success, I stick the tabs in my wallet, we dance away to the last few tunes and head home. Now I'm at that stage of drunk where you feel it's your obligation to go up to random strangers in the street and impart your knowledge onto them. This results in my nearly being knocked out on about 3 occasions and turns a 15 minute stumble home into a seemingly endless (but more likely a couple of hours) endeavour.

About halfway through the trek home, I had the sudden realisation that I was no longer wearing my glasses and must have lost them flying across the pit!

We get home, put some tunes on and my mate says 'so we gonna do a cheeky one then?' at this point I'd completely forgotten about the tabs and got a drunken sense of giddy joy at knowing the fun was only just beginning !

So, we bosh the tabs and decide to go through my punk, metal and all other rock records tripping our tits off reminiscing like fuck about the times we discovered bands like Choking Victim, Fugazi, Nofx and countless others, this goes on for about 8-10 hours (through which we go through a tripped out hangover).

Then, for anyone who's taken trips will know, we went through the 'I think it's wearing off delusion stage, at which point we decide to go our separate ways. BIG MISTAKE!

No more than 10 minutes after my mate left, I got the next wave and I'm tripping balls 10 times harder than before, this goes on for about 5 or 6 long hours till I hear a knock at the door.

So, I manage to pluck up the courage to answer the door and It's another one of my mates, and by Jeebus I don't think I'd ever been happier to see anyone in my entire life, so I lay down what's transpired. He then informs me that it's bonfire night and that the firework display is on in an hour at the park.

We rock over to get my mate who we just find on his own in the house giggling his tits off, get a few bottle of cider and trip out to the fireworks!

And the moral of the story is?

TRIPS + FIREWORKS = ACE

nicee. nights on acid are some craic!

Many years ago I had a girlfriend who took me to Crobar Chicago (back when it was cool, before they redid it) for my birthday. We'd been there a lot, but this night she also hooked me up with 3 hits of cid and all the drinks I wanted. Was a great night, danced my ass off and loved ever minute. 4:00 AM the club closes and we start the long drive home (she stayed sober since she was driving).

By then, I've had like 12 mix drinks and some beers, and have to piss something fierce. I tell her to pull over in this alley in the city, ad jump out to pee. Just as I start, headlights come on at the end of the alley and this car RACES right at us. I pinch it off and jump back in the car, and they screech to a halt blocking us in. At this point, I'm still off my ass on cid and all I can think is that it's some gang shit. Just then I see like 3 police badges pressed against the windows, and actually breath a sigh of relief.

It doesn't last.

This was in my goth/industrial days, so there I am in all black, combat boots, leather jacket covered in spikes. Shit, think I had black nail polish even. The cop takes one look at my face and says "you looked fucked up man". I mumble something.

Just then a cop who was checking the trunk says "What's this?" and shows us a cooler full of syringes and medicine vials. Turns out, my girlfriend had borrowed her mom's car for the night, and her mom was a registered phychiatrist. We had no idea the stuff was in the trunk at all.

THEN, another cop finds my girlfriend's fake ID and her real one in her purse (still don't know why she carried both, duh). She was under 21 but used her sisters ID all the time so we could go to clubs. I'm freaking out at this point, never been in trouble with cops before and it's not looking good. Just then all of their radios start going crazy and you hear calls for help from another officer who's involved in a shoot out. The cops run for their car, tell us to get the fuck home, and high tail out of there. We look at each other in disbelief and head home.

And I still had to piss like a mutha too.

ChiDJ wrote:

funky shit wrote:please do beats.. please do

+1

I'm not going to compete with ChiDJ or any Europeans on here. You fuckers wake up in the morning with a blood alcohol level of 0.3%. On a Monday. And you hadn't had a drink since Saturday.

So here's another yawner.

One night I was at a bar with a friend. After a nominal amount of drinks I usually think I'm hot shit and spend the rest of the night either cock blocking or trying to make myself the focus of attention. My friend on the other hand doesn't become the social butterfly. He's not even really a wingmam. He's more like the wingman of the wingman, the guy that usually ends up entertaining the the guy the hot chicks came with while they're in the other room banging anybody but those 2 dudes.

But this particular night he somehow drummed up the confidence to talk to the chick sitting next to him. This time I didn't go into my usual routine and left it alone. I felt some weird sense of pride like my boy was all growns up. But along with not being a social drunk, he also becomes the sleepy drunk if he's drinking hard liquor. He usually just leaves and I'm usually the last man standing because alcohol makes me wide awake. This night was no different. He said he was leaving and I said I would just go to his place in a bit after I paid the tab. He leaves and I start talking to the chick he was talking to while I'm waiting for the tab. She was a wide awake drunk too so I asked if she wants to go to his place. Maybe he got a second wind and I'm more than happy to escort his game.

So we leave and she drives, no point in risking 2 DUIs and everything is relatively close. When we get to his place there's 3 cop cars on the street so we decided that would not be a good place to park. We park about a block away and by the time we walk there the cops are gone. We go to his place and nobody answers the door. I notice his window is open so I hop in it, notice he's in bed, say "hey dude" to which I got no response, and then let her in the front door. We're hanging out for about 10 minutes before his roommate kicks us out for being too loud. We end up going to her place where I eventually made a move and boom goes the dynamite.

I went to my friend's the next morning where I found out that the reason cop cars were in front of his building was because he forgot his house keys and when attempting to go through his window he broke it and somebody called the police. They had him on the ground in handcuffs like he was trying to rob the place and his roommate had to ID him. So when I went in his window it wasn't open. It was completely missing. I didn't notice. So he woke up with a big ass bump on his head, a window he had to replace, and as a bonus I banged the chick he was working all night. He still speaks of this night like I pulled off some masterful manouver.

PRO TIP: If you end up doing all the heavy lifting with a chick all night but she ends up going home and fucking your friend who she spoke to for all of 10 minutes, first review and make sure it wasn't because you didn't pace yourself and passed the fuck out before you accuse your friend of being some kind of mind control wizard.

I have far too many of these:

Moved into a house with three women and on guy.
When I move in, the guy is in Chicago, him and his girlfriend/roommate are in the process of breaking up.
My band plays a show, my roommates show up, I end up sleeping with the girlfriend, a few times.
She has some 'deep' conversation with her almost ex and he shows up a week later, and another couple show up at the house to
celebrate, I'm to not talk about it etc. Much whisky and Rum is consumed, mainly by my secretly pouting ass! I end up on my back with my head in the girls girlfriends lap, looking up at her and telling her she's beautiful etc. Her boyfriend isn't so happy, but she keeps feeding me whisky so I'll pass out. (Aussie logic)

I wake up at about 3AM with a naked female next to me, I start fucking her before I realize it's not the girl I was with, or her girlfriend, but one of my other
roommates, one I'm not that interested in... I immediately stop and pass back out, and realize the morning is going to suck.

I'm paranoid. For good reason being on the interwebz and all. So I have to minimize the stories. Anyway, last Wednesday, my fuck monkey from Tampa came to visit. We did some blow and drank a case and she told me she wants to do the hooker thing again. So I get this 20 year old hottie from Craig's list and we proceed to spend an hour with her snacking on her cooch while the hoe is sucking my cock.

Shortly there after, the whore says, " I remember you! you're the guy who said I wasn't hot enough to be in PlayBoy". That's when i was like, "oh yeah! I remember you too! From like two years ago right?"

Whore; "Right!"

Me, "Well you're very hot, but your ass is too narrow for a proper centerfold. I'm just sayin'"

Whore," Well I think that's Bullshit and you're an asshole!"

Me," I already paid you right?"

whore," Yeah"

Me, "I already came in your mouth right?"

Whore, "Yeah"

Me, "I guess the argument is over. Get the FUCK outta my house!"

Whore,"ok. bye!"


end of story.

T-

Jesus Wept.

what kind of low life eats a hookers cooch for an hour ?

dum wrote:Jesus Wept.

what kind of low life eats a hookers cooch for an hour ?

when she's 20, shaved and tastes like spring rain? you must be gay.

end of january just passed, we went to see Funkagenda in a well known club over here.
friend got caught with naughty pills and security handed him over to the cops.
he had work in the morning and he was freakin the fuck out about his family finding out as the cops would not let him go for fear that he would not come back to be prosecuted. (we live in another town you see) so he was going to be held till the following monday, and that was a no go.

had to bail him out.. £300. i stayed till the end of funkagenda tho, we met the cops on the way home for the handover.. was epic

also. got the money back.

ChiDJ wrote:

dum wrote:Jesus Wept.

what kind of low life eats a hookers cooch for an hour ?

when she's 20, shaved and tastes like spring rain? you must be gay.

So what if she's 20 ? she's been a whore for at least two years according to you. eating her cooch you might as well eat out a urinal.

dum wrote:

ChiDJ wrote:

dum wrote:Jesus Wept.

what kind of low life eats a hookers cooch for an hour ?

when she's 20, shaved and tastes like spring rain? you must be gay.

So what if she's 20 ? she's been a whore for at least two years according to you. eating her cooch you might as well eat out a urinal.

Loves it!

That's why I qualify for, "dirty fucker" status!

Some people jump out of airplanes. I eat dirty whore pussy!

Still alive and smiling my friend.

ChiDJ wrote: Some people jump out of airplanes. I eat dirty whore pussy!

/thread