Ableton Forum

both wonderful stories...LOL!

sparklepuff wrote:100% true story. ...but to come out to near SILENCE at the shock of seeing us, didn't exactly instill confidence in me that what we had done was cool. Then as I'm playing into my mic at the front of the stage, the girls think it would be AWESOME to reach up and try and REMOVE THE SHEEP FROM MY CROTCH. I didn't think that was necessary. I made a swift exit from the stage.

winner! This cannot be topped!

Thank you. True, I have not seen any other stories that hold a candle to mine, I'm a bit surprised at the mad props given to the others. Very embarrassing stories, but none involve nudity with sex toys adhered to ones body.

And I was neither STONED nor DRUNK. Completely sober, making no excuses!! No cloud shrouded my decision making process!

I used to play in an electro-speed-punk band back in the day, and we had this show at a club called Goo, which had this amazing lighting Rig... anyone who ever went to Goo will know what i'm talking about... basically, the bands played in front of this wall of glass windows that looks down to a much bigger room... and the lighting rig is all sitting there right in front of your eyes... lasers, and all that stuff.

anyway... so we all used to jump around, and go a bit nuts to this ridiculously fast music we were playing. We must have been a little bit more excited that night though, because in the 2nd song, i hit myself in the face with my bass guitar's headstock, nearly knocking a tooth out, and giving myself a rather large gash accross my lip.... I was a bit dazed, wiped the blood from my face and kept playing.

the people in the front row were all looking at me with utter shock and disgust throughout the show, because apparently my wound kept opening and shutting whilst i was singing... afterwards, i went to the medics there, and nearly got kicked out by a boucer who thought id gotten in a fight.

so yes... a few hours and a few stitches later... i end up with a nice little scar of my face.

Ohh yes... during the same show, our guitarist knocked over his amp, which nearly went through the big glass wall...

needless to say... it went down as one of our best shows ever.

:)M

sparklepuff wrote:And I was neither STONED nor DRUNK. Completely sober, making no excuses!! No cloud shrouded my decision making process!

Yeah, but you were under the heavy influence of ska, no telling what might happen.

So I went out Sunday to the glorious Sunset/Stompy party, 12 hours of killer DJs from 2 PM - 2 AM. I had a blast and also blasted through a lot of drinks. This is kind of vague to me right now but I know when I drink I tend to remember the bad occurrences and forget half the good occurrences. It's a gift. So I'm out on the floor being as social as one can be in those circumstances and I'm dancing it up with an attractive female. She seemed friendly enough and I wasn't pushing the moves on her too hard. Just dancing to House, not bringing sexy back. At some point I asked her a question and I don't know if it was if I could buy her a drink, have her phone number, or have her hand in marriage, but whatever she answered with inspired me to respond with "well would you if I was better looking?" to which she quickly countered with "yeah". Ouch.

I'm not saying ouch because she thought I was a troll or something. I know when I drink and dance I sometimes visit pockets of women who feel they are out of my league. I'm saying ouch because where the Hell did my insecurity or bitterness come from to ask her a question like that? What a whiny bitch I was. I guess after a year and a half of avoiding relationships like the plague I am still not ready to take my show on the road.

I must now write a song about this rejection that somebody else will score to.

I was doing a gig at a rather popular (and venerable) club (which shall remain nameless) and I was looking for a little pen-light I had dropped in the DJ booth when one of the staff (Bouncer? Tech?) knocks on the DJ booth door (which was always locked).

I open it up and get this surprised look. "You can't be in here," he says. "Come on, honey, out. OUT!"

It occurs to me only after a long pause that he thinks I'm a DJ groupie. I spend five minutes trying to convince him that I actually belong there (he insists on talking in Dutch, which doesn't help as my Dutch is really shitty). This goes on so long the track runs out.

So I sit there taping my foot and asking him, "So, do you want me to put on another track or do you want to explain to the crowd why the music stopped?" The pause is getting longer and longer and more and more unbearable.

Finally, his English suddenly gets much better and he vanishes for the rest of the night.

Holy mother, that is a fantastic one, Allison!

Lemme guess.... Melkweg?

I've mixed thousands of live rock shows and saw the pee stain on the lead singer a bunch. Fuckin hilarious!. It goes the whole set. The ballad really sends it home.

Actually, that reminded me of another one, also in Europe:

I had to pee really bad in the middle of a set so I put on an 10 minute remix of something or other (in case you don't know, the line for the girl's loo is MUCH longer than the guys ALWAYS) to give me time for a quick dash. So I leave the booth, trek over across the floor and find the line is just huge. There is NO ONE in line for the guys. I'm kinda desperate so I just walked in. One guy is leaving and he just smiles at me coyly on my way in.

I come out and there are three security guards, arms crossed, who are NOT amused at all and are taking it really seriously. Apparently some girl in line complained. I spend a ton of time explaining to them that I have to get back to the booth and apologizing. I'm getting a lot of shaking heads. The "I'm the DJ" routine is NOT working. I finally get away by telling them in my best dumb and drunk tourist routine that I couldn't read the sign. A long discussion about the utility of the international symbols for the genders ensues before I manage to defuse their ire.

I rush back to the booth in a panic (the track is coming to an end and I feel like a complete slacker for letting the same song go for nearly a deci-minute) and there are two young women (both plastered) waiting outside the empty DJ booth and alternately pounding on the door. I just walk between them with an "excuse me," and stick the key in the door. The one girl grabs my arm before I can open it. "Hey, if you are going in there..." she then proceeds to lean on me, kick off her heels one after another, strip her panties off from under her now hiked up miniskirt, step out of them, and hold them out for me with one hand, "...can you give these to the DJ?"

knotkranky wrote:I've mixed thousands of live rock shows and saw the pee stain on the lead singer a bunch. Fuckin hilarious!. It goes the whole set. The ballad really sends it home.

The story of Joey Ramone's piss stank pants... Legend.

Allison's story, lmfao!!!

Yeah, JR was a classic. I gotta few good ones.

Red, get one of those astronaut diapers.

knotkranky wrote:Yeah, JR was a classic. I gotta few good ones.

Red, get one of those astronaut diapers.

Depends?