how do you deal with girlfriend and music

Johnisfaster · Post by **Johnisfaster** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 10:50 pm

at the moment no there aren't any ableton janitor links, I go by the name faster faster on myspace but I took all my tunes off because I felt they weren't good enough. like I said I struggle alot from insecurities in music because of my lack of time doing it. it's just like the guitar, I only play it once in a great while so even though I know how to play all the old tunes I just don't relate to the instrument as well. it takes a good while of playing and focus to really get the spirit back into. inspiration, mood, soul, it's all very hard to hang onto especially if you don't even spend time on your craft.
so eventually I write a song in a day or 2 cause thats all I have time to spend on it and then i post it online and a month later I realise it's not that good and I take it down.

smutek · Post by **smutek** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:18 pm

Johnisfaster wrote:...I took all my tunes off because I felt they weren't good enough. like I said I struggle alot from insecurities in music.....

Same reason I never post tunes. Same reason I rarely finish tunes.

I feel the same way about my design work, even though I know I have a talent for it I always feel like it sucks.

DeadlyKungFu · Post by **DeadlyKungFu** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:32 pm

didn't read the rest of the thread but...

Around the wife I use headphones, when she's not around I use loud speakers. Works out well, she still thinks I can hear her with the headphones on.

markaugust · Post by **markaugust** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 11:56 pm

fridayevening,saturdayevening and sundaymorning is hers
the rest is mine/music/sports/friends
but all in consideration offcourse and open to some shifting sometimes.
but, hey, I am also the kind of guy that has a lot more value to his girl when he has his time alone.
otherwise i would turn out being a depressive cynical prick
so it is all for the best

in other words; only if you are true to yourself is when you can be true to one other
meaning; let her accept it, structure it; and if not accepted and worked out, then she is not the one for you.
does not matter how faithfull or how a wildcat she is. (your hart needs more then that)
eventually you'll be that guy that wonders late in life how things could have been if you stood up for what your hart believed in back in the day
but then it is too late...

John Sweet · Post by **John Sweet** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:00 am

You HAVE to be honest, seriously honest. If you are a musician, you will always choose music, at least until the part of you that got you started in the first place sinks under months and years of denial.

If you switch off the music in yr head most of the time, you're switching yrself off by degrees, slowly becoming a passenger in yr own life. Everyone around you will eventually be able to see it.

My ex had some friends with whipped former artist/rocker boyfriends. Sad, quiet dudes who would just wait around to see what they were supposed to do. Get them alone, put a few drinks in 'em, the crazy artist comes right back out, but with this "aw, shucks" edge, like this is what they talk about but don't actually DO anymore. Don't let yrself get sad, tired & paunchy. Yr girl would probably leave you eventually if you were to give up on the things that make you yrself.

This has become a big issue for you but you're keeping it from her, which is already a sign of a huge problem. You don't get lost time back. If you don't want to break up with her, fine, but tell her that a lot of us here (probably me included, based on experience) think you should. That should worry her a little & help to illustrate the seriousness of the situation.

We're not talking about you playing with toys here. Most of the art & endeavors that make the world worth living in started off being called child's play by someone. We are talking about art and fulfillment, and the 2 of you being the coolest, happiest people you possibly can.

Angstrom · Post by **Angstrom** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:02 am

my girl is as big a geek as me, she has as many computers / gizmos and whackeroos as I have. This last fortnight she brought back to the house a DMX setup with some floorstanding cans, a midi to DMX rack thingy, an analogue video mixing desk(!) ,also a video projector - to watch the world cup on! Go on girl!

she is mostly to be found programming vj stuff or dancing burlesque.
she mainly gets mad when I peer over her shoulder and say stuff like, "you could connect an envelope generator to that ..."
So, dividing my time is quite easy, she lures me in with technology then springs the trap!
My musical output is lower that it was in my swinging single days, but the pay off is worth it I think.

RE: the above post (John Sweet).. oh my god I feel the fear. I met a guy on holiday once who was so much like that it scared me - I kept having to dodge him in case it was catching. I live in fear of that death by inches

markaugust · Post by **markaugust** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:05 am

you lucky bastard

Angstrom wrote:my girl is as big a geek as me, she has as many computers / gizmos and whackeroos as I have. This last fortnight she brought back to the house a DMX setup with some floorstanding cans, a midi to DMX rack thingy, an analogue video mixing desk(!) ,also a video projector - to watch the world cup on! Go on girl!

she is mostly to be found programming vj stuff or dancing burlesque.
she mainly gets mad when I peer over her shoulder and say stuff like, "you could connect an envelope generator to that ..."
So, dividing my time is quite easy, she lures me in with technology then springs the trap!
My musical output is lower that it was in my swinging single days, but the pay off is worth it I think.

markaugust · Post by **markaugust** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:08 am

if you now follow with: "besides that she does modelwork for some sort of sandal-brand, what was it called?..eh...Reef?",
I will never talk to you again

markaugust wrote:you lucky bastard

Angstrom wrote:my girl is as big a geek as me, she has as many computers / gizmos and whackeroos as I have. This last fortnight she brought back to the house a DMX setup with some floorstanding cans, a midi to DMX rack thingy, an analogue video mixing desk(!) ,also a video projector - to watch the world cup on! Go on girl!

she is mostly to be found programming vj stuff or dancing burlesque.
she mainly gets mad when I peer over her shoulder and say stuff like, "you could connect an envelope generator to that ..."
So, dividing my time is quite easy, she lures me in with technology then springs the trap!
My musical output is lower that it was in my swinging single days, but the pay off is worth it I think.

forge · Post by **forge** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:14 am

Angstrom wrote:my girl is as big a geek as me, she has as many computers / gizmos and whackeroos as I have. This last fortnight she brought back to the house a DMX setup with some floorstanding cans, a midi to DMX rack thingy, an analogue video mixing desk(!) ,also a video projector - to watch the world cup on! Go on girl!

she is mostly to be found programming vj stuff or dancing burlesque.
she mainly gets mad when I peer over her shoulder and say stuff like, "you could connect an envelope generator to that ..."
So, dividing my time is quite easy, she lures me in with technology then springs the trap!
My musical output is lower that it was in my swinging single days, but the pay off is worth it I think.

RE: the above post (John Sweet).. oh my god I feel the fear. I met a guy on holiday once who was so much like that it scared me - I kept having to dodge him in case it was catching. I live in fear of that death by inches

does she have a sister? *sigh*

forge · Post by **forge** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:22 am

this is the age old question - and a topic very close to my heart......

I seem to have a habit of pairing with women who are incapable of finding things to do without me

At the moment she is working more and I am looking after our little boy, so despite that seeming like the ideal situation, the reality is I dont get that much time any more and then I get the compounded problem of her telling me I get loads of time.

I really think I will start keeping a diary and showing her exactly which hours I get and highlighting the fact that the most of it is after she goes to bed + as long as I can stay up and be functional without writing off the next few days - so 11pm-2am is about the main of it, and that is only about 2-3 nights a week because the other times I have to get up in the morning with my little boy

some weeks it's better, but other weeks if he's sick or pre-school holidays I get hardly any at all

the thing that gets me is that we're lucky with hours - most of our money comes from her gigging 2-4 nights a week, which actually leaves us loads of time as a family, so you would think come evening time she'd be totally fine with me just getting on with it, she often is, but I still get complaints

but the real problem is when she's up - even in the next room I find it hard to concentrate because I know she might come in any minute

I just work better when I know I'm alone

djshiva · Post by **djshiva** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 1:29 am

thelike5 wrote:
Johnisfaster wrote:I've been with my girlfriend for 2 years now and ever since we've been together I do less and less and less music as time goes on. if I come home after work and try to do any music she says "fine don't spend time with me all you want to do is play with your computer!" and she gets mad. the funny thing is that if I say "I can't do music anymore with her around" she gets defensive and says "don't blaim it on me if you can't do music." it's rediculous. but I need to start spending more time on music. I'm starting to forget how which is bad. losing my soul ya know?
of course I'm totally not going to leave her, so the question is : how do you deal with girlfriends and music time?
how do you juggle the two without getting her mad?
Do you two live together?

Cause, me and my girlfriend don't live together and it's diffecult to try to do these things (music) and I'm wondering if this gets any easier when you live together?

Im constantly on the go to the point of exhaustion between work, side job, music, feeding a cat at home and grabbing my clothes for the next day and running over her house. I also don't drive, so, this stuff takes a bit of time...

eeeg...i think NOT living together is what keeps me and my girl sane. when i want my time, i just go home. my house is mine. just me and my cat. i make beats, he claws the couch...a perfect combo if ever there was one.

exper · Post by **exper** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:01 am

Wow, I really feel fortunate...

I make music with my wife. Sure, there are times that I work alone, (mostly programming Reaktor, editing, etc), but we work well together as far as composing, writing things. It works out great, because I get caught up in beats, cutups, and glitches, while she concentrates more of melodies, atmospheres, etc.

To the orig. poster, have you ever tried getting her involved or interested in your music?

rbmonosylabik · Post by **rbmonosylabik** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:42 am

mikemc wrote:Mainly, remember, if you are ever perma-coupled and have children, it's a lock you will share the task of changing diapers.

My ex and I decided that if we ever had kids, we'd cover the floor in newspaper and let them roam free.

stinky · Post by **stinky** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 3:49 am

My ex and I decided that if we ever had kids, we'd cover the floor in newspaper and let them roam free.

yeah, right... that would last long enough for you to die from the smell, or get grossed out by them running around in it..

blakejarrell · Post by **blakejarrell** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 4:49 am

wow i thought i was the only one going through this

i basically just started encouraging my girlfriend to pursue her own interests. i asked her what she was trully passionate about and told her to persue it and i would back her 100%. worked really well and shes really happy so far. i also bought her a laptop, that usually gives me at least an hour or two of extra time while she checks her 7000 email accounts, forums, myspace, etc!!!

it was really hard when i lived when my girlfriend and i shared a place with my production partner. i would basically have to wake up in the middle of the night to go write tunes and when i would come back to bed, it was like world war III.

how do you deal with girlfriend and music

Re: how do you deal with girlfriend and music