[OT] Help to stay away from alcohol needed

forge · Post by **forge** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 1:04 pm

conny wrote:
forge wrote: Because if this is true and it is a symptom then stopping drinking in a staunch disciplinary way may only lead on to different coping mechanisms which may be problematic in themselves.
True if you're not an alcoholic by DNA so to speak, I guess.
And it may still be a good thing to switch from a more desctuctive to a less so mechanism. And by that one's situation may become more clear.
But right, the underlaying patterns of reactions, automatic thoughts and feelings are the most important to work with.

A therapist said lately that for me, I shall not go by feelings, I shall go by thought. Like "I feel for a beer" - "Do I? Why? Can I do something else instead? What do I want?"

// C

see this is where my confusion comes

reading your above post was slightly worrying for me at first because you have described many days of mine too! But I noticed the first thing you mentioned that set you off thinking about it was job, followed by money

It was exactly the same for me. We would have no money coming in, so I would spend my last $3.50 on beer because the lack of money and job made me feel so stressed I needed it.

Since then my partner has been getting alot of work and good money so I have been able to legitimately be the house spouse to look after our 4 yo child

since then the day time drinking has almost stopped, occasionally I have off days but mostly it's just evenings and I seem to have got it down to a couple of bottles (740ml) of home brew. So I also feel better because by brewing my own beer it is costing me literally 10 times less

so I guess maybe what that says is that if there is a reason behind it - i.e. feeling stressed about job/money and all the self worth issues that go with that - then it is a symptom and not a cause, so you are not an alcoholic for the alcohol's sake, but for what it does for you - i.e. help you escape the shit

I remember watching michael caine interviewed by michael parkinson once and they were talking about other alcoholic actors, parkey asked him if he'd ever had a problem and his answer was "I dont ever want to be told I cant drink a really good wine"

so there's a reason to learn to manage drinking rather than declaring I am a hopeless alcoholic, all is lost and I have to completely avoid it forever.

That would be a real shame because I love it.

colin_h · Post by **colin_h** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 4:58 pm

conny-
props to you for having
the courage to publicly
seek help and opinions...
a good way to clear up anxiety
(this has worked very well for
me many times) is physical
exhaustion...it can really strip
away mental 'noise' and give
a healthier perspective.
a very long leisurely walk in
peaceful surroundings, some
tea, and good conversation with
a trusted friend has worked
wonders for me

good luck to you sir!

conny · Post by **conny** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 5:27 pm

forge - I really hope we may have that good glass of wine together when the time comes..!
As for now, I just have to avoid it for a while and see where I want to go and what I will find.

And colin, yes, that has been on my agenda these last days. I does not yet make wonders for me but it helps anyway.

Michael Caine! Well in some movies I really suspected his red cheeks to be the face of an alcoholic... Well, damn good is he anyway.

// C

Tarekith · Post by **Tarekith** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 5:42 pm

Hey Conny, try exercising! I think you'll find it helps in many ways, seriously. Flushes out your system, and fills that 'need' for the rush with something much healthier. I had some good friends go throuh really bad times due to drinking, and once I got them hooked on running, they stopped for good and have eally turned their lives around.

It's hard at first for sure, but everything worthwhile is. Good luck!

hambone1 · Post by **hambone1** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 5:42 pm

Most people need a way to escape the stress and strain of everyday life. Mine is a pound through the forest on my mountain bike with iPod blaring. If I'm angry at something or someone, I actually take it out on my bike. And when I get home, I have a new perspective on things, sometimes some new creative thoughts... and a hot shower!

conny · Post by **conny** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 7:20 pm

Don't want to bump to often but...

Physical activity, yes. And for me, not being a work out type at all, walking to the swimming hall and do what are supposed to be done there and walk home is in itself a proof that I may take command, I may force myself and create new habits. That is a small part of turning failures, bad feedback around, step by step. One day that may make it possible to actually reward some good work with a glass of wine, but for long time now the solo drinking has been a downgoing thing, that first has to stop.
Stress, nervousness, things going bad - they should not be "rewarded" with more down liquid.

Writing down things is good. And making simple plans for the near future. Or for the very next day.

So, tomorrow (day four) I will bake!

// C

hambone1 · Post by **hambone1** » Sat Feb 18, 2006 7:42 pm

Conny.. bump as often as you want!

You can and are taking command. I think the key is to resolve your stress, nervousness, etc with a constructive activity, like going to the swimming pool. And reward yourself for a job well done with a special treat. It doesn't have to be alcohol.

One day at a time. You'll get there.

zfigz · Post by **zfigz** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 12:15 am

I think the key is to resolve your stress, nervousness, etc with a constructive activity, like going to the swimming pool. And reward yourself for a job well done with a special treat.

Well said hambone1. I just got back from a run up a lil' mountain and listened to a list of my tracks while doing yoga. Wow, amazing experienced...

hacktheplanet · Post by **hacktheplanet** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 6:10 am

Conny, it's Saturday night. You'd better be sober...

David · Post by **David** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 7:46 am

Hi Conny,

Occasionaly during the week I might feel like a glass of red after dinner. I dont like to drink mid week or even at the weekends really as one glass can lead to another etc... I find that if I have a glass of cold water or two instead it takes away the desire to have the glass of red. It really does take away the desire for drinking alcohol because your thirst is quenched. Also the process of drinking water is quite pleasant. Iced water with a squeeze of lemon, a great substitute for booze!

David

conny · Post by **conny** » Sun Feb 19, 2006 9:43 am

the_planet wrote:Conny, it's Saturday night. You'd better be sober...

... hrmph - ah? - sch-so-srrober..? - oyeah, shitschober me all over man, scuse, hav'to - eeh...

Well yes, sober I was, watched "Bruce the almighty" for awhile.

And David: Funny with your recipe, I wondered the other day what I would order at the oub and the first that came to mind was - cold water with lime! (I don't like cola)
It's sunday and I was rising earlier than "normal". A long dry day coming...

// C

FaX-01 · Post by **FaX-01** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:34 am

Hope you're hanging in there Conny.
I'm sure many of us are thinking of you.
You should go out and treat yourself.
Buy a DVD or CD or perhaps a new item of clothing or spend a day doing something you used to really enjoy but having done it what seems like ages.
Nuttin' wrong with giving yourself a pat on the back once in a while .
Let us know how you're coming along.
Cheers
FaX

smutek · Post by **smutek** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 2:38 am

conny wrote:I wondered the other day what I would order at the oub and the first that came to mind was - cold water with lime! (I don't like cola)
It's sunday and I was rising earlier than "normal". A long dry day coming...

// C

Conny, if you are trying to stop drinking you really need to stay out of the pub my man.

It's about changing habbits, hit some coffee shops, cafe's, places where they do not serve alcohol!!!!!

conny · Post by **conny** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:07 am

smutek wrote: Conny, if you are trying to stop drinking you really need to stay out of the pub my man.

I've seen all the coffee shops in this town the last five days

I have written down their opening times etc.
Now, a friend mailed me and wanted us to have a beer.
I accepted to meet him in a pub on thursday (a week then without alcohol).
I want to test what happens. Either:
- I drink water with lime
- Or take some beers and that's it
A "do I have control or not"-test.
Have not decided the strategy yet.

So far, staying away from drinking has lowered my general anxiety level. I still may sleep for ten hours, still waiting for an energy kick, often very tired, but that's nothing new.
Saving money and don't have to fight the bad consciousness all the time.

Things that made me nervous a week ago ("must have a drink before/after/during - how..?"), don't have that disturbing impact today.
But the struggle is far from over. I do tease myself taking the "normal" path along the usual local pubs, looking in the windows...
And yes, there is repeated feeling of "oh my God, it would be so nice to be somewhat drunk, the lifting feeling after the second beer."
It's a demon inside, and he may talk very sweet and convincing at times.

But so far, so good.
And I would not have come this far without your great support.

You Abletonian Knights and Dames

// C

Emissary · Post by **Emissary** » Tue Feb 21, 2006 11:31 am

Take up a different habit, like smoking or wanking. Buy loads of synths so
you have no money to buy alcohol.