OT: Internet dating sites.

[ChiDJ]

Alright..The Kid from Brooklyn obviously things it's a sham.

I joined Adult Friend Finder on the recommendation of a friend who claims to have gotten a lot of action. Well, I've been on it since Memorial Day and I think it's bullshit. I'm getting BS replies from "girls" that want me to sign on to another site and give my CC number yada yada. I mean, i just wanna hook up. You know, a friend with benefits.

I don't want to hear, "Just go to a bar and pick someone up"...I'm doing that too.

Does anyone have any real life experience with this shit. I mean, the 40 something fatties are replying, but I'm not that desperate, (yet).

Can anyone recommend a site. I would also appreciate hearing about bad experiences with online dating as it may sufficiently discourage me from pursuing this currently fruitless endeavor.

Help a Brotha out! Feel me?

Tod

[H20nly]

This might not be what you wanna hear but I refuse to "internet date". Too sketchy. I dated a girl I met on myspace about 3 years ago... PHYSCO. Yeah she was fukin hot and I got some trim (okay lots of trim) but that shit came at a heavy cost... did I mention PHYSCO.

Besides if you meet a chick online you have to wonder how many other people she is working in the background. You could end up with a nasty itch OR burning sensation. If things work out and you get in a fight will she log in and get back to workin it?.. Online should only work for gear not sluts.

[Tone Deft]

neb - I think someone needs a hug, crotch in.

This might not be what you wanna hear but I refuse to "internet date". Too sketchy. I dated a girl I met on myspace about 3 years ago... PHYSCO. Yeah she was fukin hot and I got some trim (okay lots of trim) but that shit came at a heavy cost... did I mention PHYSCO.

Besides if you meet a chick online you have to wonder how many other people she is working in the background. You could end up with a nasty itch OR burning sensation. If things work out and you get in a fight will she log in and get back to workin it?.. Online should only work for gear not sluts.

PHYSCO?? sounds kinky, what's it mean?

[ChiDJ]

Thank you for your candor. Maybe this is what I need to hear.

[ChiDJ]

Come on Tone. Of all people, I'm sure have at least one good juicy story....

[Tone Deft]

nah, met my wife 10 years ago. before that I wasn't single much, I just fell into meeting chicks, physco ones. I'm pretty misanthropic, wrong person to ask.

best advice I've heard is to be upfront with "we're hooking up tonight" then go on with the drink buying and schmoozing. if she's not down with the idea, move on.

[H20nly]

Here this should help on your quest...


DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

40-ish - 49
Adventurous - Slept with everyone
Athletic - No tits
Average looking - Ugly
Beautiful - Pathological liar
Contagious Smile - Does a lot of pills
Emotionally secure - On medication
Feminist - Fat
Free spirit - Junkie
Friendship first - Former very *friendly* person
Fun - Annoying
New Age - Body hair in the wrong places
Open-minded - Desperate
Outgoing - Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate - Sloppy drunk
Professional - Bitch
Voluptuous - Very Fat
Large frame - Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate - Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH

1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = you're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = you better not
8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH

1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

[casioaz1]

dude, ever since i bought a Casio AZ-1, girls are throwing themselves on me.
Keytar = babe magnet.
goodluck finding one on EBAY. ( an AZ-1 that is, unless EBAY has babes for sale).

[H20nly]

PHYSCO?? sounds kinky, what's it mean?

It means hide your pills and hold onto your ass. Yeah she's a screamer in bed but you can't fuck ALL day at least not after the first couple of days... Sleeps with a woobie, can't have sex unless freshly shaved (this may sound good to some but think about it and it gets ridiculous - I mean who are we shaving for?), wants to marry you (or says that) one day - won't come out of her room the next 3 days, living in the past - childhood, only likes horror movies and chick flicks, always has nightmares(wonder why???), doesn't eat vegtables or most things that don't come in a chip bag or aren't processed - seriously, picks skin off around finger nails and tips, spends more time on sick leave than actually at work, did I mention nightmares? she will... over and over and over. Most emails (that I still get) start with "Oh my gosh I had this nightmare about you and there was _______________________________ are you okay?"

I'm not even done... I just have to get back to work...

[ChiDJ]

Bro, I've got an Ax-1. Fire engine red. Do you suggest I take it out with me?

[Tone Deft]

PHYSCO?? sounds kinky, what's it mean?

It means hide your pills and hold onto your ass. Yeah she's a screamer in bed but you can't fuck ALL day at least not after the first couple of days... Sleeps with a woobie, can't have sex unless freshly shaved (this may sound good to some but think about it and it gets ridiculous - I mean who are we shaving for?), wants to marry you (or says that) one day - won't come out of her room the next 3 days, living in the past - childhood, only likes horror movies and chick flicks, always has nightmares(wonder why???), doesn't eat vegtables or most things that don't come in a chip bag or aren't processed - seriously, picks skin off around finger nails and tips, spends more time on sick leave than actually at work, did I mention nightmares? she will... over and over and over. Most emails (that I still get) start with "Oh my gosh I had this nightmare about you and there was _______________________________ are you okay?"

I'm not even done... I just have to get back to work...

I love it when they get mad at you for something you did in their dreams. "I didn't actually DO that, ya know? keep this shit up and I'll wish I'd done that, but it wasn't ME."

when we were dating my wife would ask when I was going to marry her (we dated for 7 years or so.) I told her I'd marry her when she could go a week without breaking up with me. it's Kool and the Gang now, relationship only gets better every year.


I should get back to work too but it's boring as fuck, I'm decoding AES frames by hand per some half baked idea by my boss. I've watched the same 5 minutes of Wife Swap 80 million times, I'm going insane.

[weeddigger]

Ok ok...

So... Seven years ago or so, I was online, in a chat room. Talked to a chick who ended up living in Thailand... I'm in Miami, Florida. After I chatted a few times running into her on the same chatroom, we emailed eachother here and there. We talked about how it would be cool to meet one day. We speculated on how a relationship would be... At one point we even had a couple of phone conversations, short, but sweet.

She lived on the other side of the planet.

So I met this chick at my job who I kind of liked, and she liked me back. We started going out.

I told Thailand about this chick, and Thailand didn't take it too well. She called me after I told her in an email, crying, like a damn loon. I tried to tell her that we were just speculating, and she shouldn't have considered us to be in a relationship. C'mon the girl lived on the other side of the fucking planet. It's 7pm here, it's 7am there.

Anywho, Thailand not just cried, but she got a bit psycho. She told me, cause I can't forget this, "I don't want you to be happy with anyone but me..."

Damn...

I remember breaking up with, or being broken up with, my first, and I can honestly say I always wished her the best, even if it was not with me.

So... I looked badly at Thai.

I told her we needed to stop talking.

So we did.

One day... About 3 years later, I get a package from Thai, but the return address, is in Maryland...

Maryland? Like in the US?

Yup...

I was single then and I responded. Thai said she became a foreign exchange nanny of sorts and that her host family was going to be vacationing in West Palm in Christmas. I was intrigued.. Was I going to get to meet this chick that I actually speculated a relationship with?

Yes.

So she comes with host family, and we meet.

I can tell you that when I first met her, I must have been either high off my ass, really horny, or she just had magic over me.

The first time I hugged her, I hugged her for like ten minutes. I felt like I was complete and missing her the longest time.

So we hung out, she stayed with me one weekend while host fam was in town, and then... One day, we go to court. Sign some papers and poof...

We're just about married.

Almost...

I never turned in the paperwork that was needed to make things official. Hanging with her a few more times, I started noticing that I either must have been high as fuck, really horny, or she had some spell on me that would eventually wear off.

She could speak English, but at an elementary level and that just didn't fly with me. I told a joke, and she needed an explanation, a translation, and a some laughing gas.

Dude, I thrive on making my chick happy (whomever that might be), and this chick was just happy to be around. I asked her to jump, she asked me how high and how often... I could do whatever I wanted to this chick, and she would take it, ask for more, and then some. Thing is, if I ever wanted to do something besides hang with her, she would be sad. Not mad, just sad. Sad like she'll have the sad puppy face for hours.

I hate looking at sad chicks. I hate when they cry.

Anyhow, time went on, she would come back to visit here and there, and would always stay with me. We'd act like a couple, but I was miserable. Eventually, she even changed her VISA and came here to live, as a student. She got her own place, cause then I wasn't allowing her to stay with me, but she'd still come by. We'd do out thing, act like a couple, but I was miserable.

So... After a few years after she was really in my life, face to face, I got rid of her. I packed up all her shit and took, it to her place. I told her we can't be more than friends, and as friends, we're going to be the kind of friends that dont' really even hang out too much.

She cried.

Now she stalks.

She calls and hangs up. She sends text messages of crazy ramblings, her not being able to deal with life.

...

I'm not saying all chicks are going to be like this, but... Hey... It can happen.

On a side note, I've met...

4 or 5 other chicks online.

I think all of them wanted me, I got with two, and the others, were just too fucking crazy, or just not what I was looking for.

I say go for it. Keep trying.

But whatever, those friendfinder sites, I think they are BS too.

I tend to think that the chicks you meet, that are hot, are all really hookers with a new way to walk the streets, or rather the web.

But anyhow, I'm on myspace right now looking for single chicks to hit on. Sure I try to meet chicks in the real world, but you get what you can get sometimes. You do what you can to meet them. There isn't a rule that says you can't meet Ms. Right or Ms. Right Now online.

One of my good buddies married a chick he met online thru AOL chat.

But whatever...

LOL...

Gotta go, Thai is calling me now...

[ChiDJ]

Damn MotherFucker!

Great story! So...you ARE hooking up online. Just on MyFace or where else?

[H20nly]

when we were dating my wife would ask when I was going to marry her (we dated for 7 years or so.) I told her I'd marry her when she could go a week without breaking up with me. it's Kool and the Gang now, relationship only gets better every year.

good shit!


@ChiDJ - be careful... there is a moral to weeddigger's and my stories... You won't know until its too late... You'll be up to your nuts in cum one minute and out of your mind the next...

Wait thats all relationships... disregard. WTF do I know? I'm single.
carry on...

[weeddigger]

LOL... I met a chick on Craig's list not too long ago. Although she seemed like a nice chick, I think she's a porn star. I swear I've seen her face in some flick not long ago... Not only that but she had two kids!!!

Fuck I don't want to deal with someone else's kids right now. I have a couple of niece's I'm crazy about and those are the only damn kids I want to be around for now.

Anywho, all you gotta do is advertise yourself a bit I guess. The times I've attempted to meet someone, I'll mostly browse the pages on Myspace, wind the selections down by ok age, and other stats, then I'll look at the chicks page and try to make a message kind of personal, so they don't think I'm some kind of spam bot.

Maybe I've sent messages to a hundred chicks in 7 years, and like less than 10 have responded. I've met most of those, and whatever, you just have to be ready for some electronic rejections...