How to complain about Live

[Angstrom]

Hi guys, here's my top tips on how to complain about Live.

First off, you need to start your complaint with a nice super-heated intro, so try to really grab the attention of the reader. Try these examples "FUCK THIS SHIT, i fuckiing hard it with this Ank progam, is pissH0les!!" or alternatively "fucking shiot anelton not even version 9 when I got 10 programs all 64!"

Notice the sense of barely supressed incoherent rage, the tone you are aiming for is the one just past "you killed my children" or "you raped my village". Remember : you've really got to show how much injustice is involved on a global scale. Ghengis Khan may have murdered millions, but your techno snare is more important than that, right?
TOP TIP: research shows that Programmers prefer information delivered as incoherent vitriolic tirades, so if you want a problem fixed, let her rip!

Second up: there's no point in using words you know the meanings of when describing your problems, so instead use some Pro Words to deliver your message. For example : Summing Engine, noise shaped dither, transient blurring, rounding, truncation, bit depth, sample rate, phase inversion, etc.
Sure you don't know what they actually mean, but they really convince other people who also don't know what those words mean. So next time your mix sounds farty, or you fuck up a recording then try raging using these words and phrases. Go pro bro!

Thirdly: As a pro of over three years making techno from sample CDs you know what's up, right? So why not tell everyone your conclusions stated as absolute facts. Do some tests like they do on CSI, analyse and give detailed pointers on improving Live's C++ code by listening to the rendered output, or give some guidance on what is probably going wring by looking at some pictures. All of these have been tried and tested on this very forum.

Lastly: remember that when you figure out your problem, whether its a broken cable, or just some issue with those cracks you got off eBay, remember to stay very, very quiet about it. Nobody likes a quitter.

[LoopStationZebra]

[MacGuffin]

[beats me]

It’s also essential to post every dissenting view about Live you read in a magazine or on the internet, or heard as a mumbled passing comment on a youtube video. And each deserves its own thread. Also think broadly and see a producer’s preference for another DAW as utter disdain towards Live.

[Angstrom]

fanboy!
everybody knows that everything is wrong.
that's why my music is so terrible and trite sounding.
it's the summing.

DJ Phart in Da Bag said "Live is less mad fresh than my Atari ST", this proves why I am not famous.

[regretfullySaid]

I think passive-aggressive meltdowns are the most enjoyable but they have to naturally mature over a minimum of 4 pages, the 5th being the one where the reader makes everyone else in the room duck and cover in the bathroom like a tornado is coming just from the sheer amount of internal shock they're experiencing.
They're so rare, though

Anyway, Kreayshawns producer uses EnergyXt2 so what the fuck am I doing here? FYI, that might've been the first DAW ( ) to include Soundcloud support. Isn't Live the last one? Is that why the forums all fucked? Why doesn't my cello sound better through Hi-Z??? Why can't Live find the files I moved??? I recorded at 96mb and it doesn't sound better when I dither my latency! Katy uses Massive to stack 3 basses on top of each other but when I do it it sounds like ass.
I just made some phat dilla beats with BWS and it hasn't even come out yet. That shit is so old. Even my watch supports mkv. Why doesn't it sound louder when I turn it up?
This thread sounds better compressed.
My mom say's I'm handsome.
K plz thx bai

[Angstrom]

I think passive-aggressive meltdowns are the most enjoyable but they have to naturally mature over a minimum of 4 pages, the 5th being the one where the reader makes everyone else in the room duck and cover in the bathroom like a tornado is coming just from the sheer amount of internal shock they're experiencing.
They're so rare, though

completely correct.

I award you one mom-point

[regretfullySaid]

How many points am I at and what kind of mom are we about talking here?

[H20nly]

to get back on topic... ... do NOT forget to use lots of bold font and all caps. ALL CAPS IS ESSENTIAL FOR RANTING.


oh and remember... no matter what anybody says about memory... your projects are special and therefore need more RAM than the average missle tracking system.

[regretfullySaid]

Too bad bold doesn't automatically use Comic Sans:/

[beats me]

And never share an example of your music.

[regretfullySaid]

[H20nly]

And never share an example of your music.

that's right beats! this step is crucial.

if you do fuck up and share your music then you need to switch to shameless promotion mode and really over share the fact that there are examples of your music. there is no middle ground here.

[simmerdown]

...and certainly never come back to read the responses either, i mean, why would you?

[H20nly]

bunch of useless opinions and half wit.