Ableton Forum

I thought I would start a new thread on another issue. An age old one in fact. I guess the only reason I am doing it on this forum, even though it might be innappropriate, is because of the anonymity here and some of you have some interesting opinions. So here goes:

I am a married man, and love my wife immensly!!! I have always been faithful to her and knocked back many opportunities of casual sex with many women since being married. But recently this totally gorgeous lady is making it obvious to me that she is there available for the taking. She has also made it clear to me that she wants no commitment or involvement, just a bit of fun. I have to admit I am tempted. She is that gorgeous!!!

I fully realise that morally it's not on, but shit I am only human!! On the otherhand, my wife doesn't deserve me being unfaithful to her, even though she would probably never find out. My wife is totally committed to me and faithful without any doubt whatsoever, so she deserves the same from me. Plus if the impossible happened that my wife was ever unfaithful to me, well I'd be devestated!!!! As she would if it was the other way around. But AAAAAAGH!!! This woman trying to get it on with me is so beautiful and sexy!!!! Part of me thinks, you have only one life, grab the opportunity and part of me thinks I might not be able to deal with the guilt and that I might burn in hell for it (catholic upbringing).

your actions do not affect only you.

deceitfulness is ugly, and weakness is even uglier.

i would ask yourself what is driving your need to step out on your wife. because a confident, secure person would not need to "taste other waters" as it were, to make themselves happy.

so the girl is hot. big deal. your wife is there for you, and you obviously have feelings for each other if you married each other. ask yourself...what's more important: your need to feel like you can hook up with this random hottie, or your relationship with your wife?

and, if you want my honest opinion, any woman who would sleep with another woman's husband is an asshole, and not worth it anyway...

lame...
so lame

yes, you may have only one life(!) - and the promise of that grass on the other side ... mmm it looks so greeen!

but then, you have to say "who am I?" , " what kind of a man do I want to be?"
I don't mean this in some churchy bollocks way- I actually mean who do you want to be?
Tough biker poet with a string of chicks in each town?
Warrior monk who lives a penitent chaste life ?
Diletante chauvenist bi-sexual bespoke furniture maker?
Family man who tears up clubs on weekends with brutal beats?


I want you to try this little thought experiment:

Imagine yourself dead of old age, your ghost hovers above your own funeral service ... what is the eulogy? what is the content? You know the way these things go ..
"clive was the best vacuum salesman in the whole of wisconsin"
or
"he was a hero who saved many lives in the antarctic"
(etc)
Also, imagine you can read the minds of everyone there - what they think of you.
what do you want them to say, or to think or feel about you. More to the point - what do you think about yourself and whatyou represent when you imagine that situation?
what kind of man do you picture yourself as - free spirited, honest, faithful, a warrior, an artist (whatever)?

That person you think you are is your 'ultimate self', either you are aiming to be that ideal - or you are just drifting in the river of life like a dead fish going where the current happens to take you!


Some people think that we should actually welcome troublesome descisions - because only then can we test ourselves against them.
It's all very well thinking you are one thing or another, but it is only 'in battle' that you prove yourself. Are you who shaping up to be who you thought you were?

It's not morally a problem for me to say 'take either route', but you have larger issues than a nice looking girl and a few raging hormones here.

you need to look at yourself and say "who the fuck am I", whatever the answer to that is should determine what you do.

sermon concludeth

as wonderful as the situation seems, i would think if you are a man of conscience then it will be a bad choice to cheat on your wife.....

and remember
what goes around comes around
treat well, and life will treat you well
if not, you'll have em coming
sooner or later
I am with Angstrom on this. Be the best possible version of who you think you are/can be. And that is controlling your hormones as well.
I see my biological urge to have other women (and then I mean especially just Other women then my girlfriend) the same as my urge to still wanting to smoke a cigaret.
I think; ah here comes the no-brain-bonobo-ape in me that wants to spread it's seed.
relax; it'll pass by, exactly the same with the urge to smoke... if you just see it for what it is, it just passes by.

cheating is bad karma

good luck though, I know how hard it can be

That fact that you even air this on a public music forum under the guise of anonymity speaks volumes about your character... or lack of.

Sleep with her. Your wife certainly deserves better.

dont do it, just go home & have a sneaky wank instead, imagination's always better than random sex

hambone1 wrote:That fact that you even air this on a public music forum under the guise of anonymity speaks volumes about your character... or lack of.

Sleep with her. Your wife certainly deserves better.

don't agree; many angles to a certain situation
you could also say that it is admirable to ask what we think of it, just as conny with his drinking; with a big chance to be burned down for being a loser.
he knows that, we know that
so being constructive at that point helps a lot more then being so black&white

just my 2 cents

Go for it! It doesn't sound like guilt would be a issue for you, or this thread wouldn't even be here.

Then sit back and watch the storm clouds of deceit and lies swirl around your head. If you're as clever as you sound, you'll be able to fend them off, and your wife will never find out.

Or even better... tell her, and give her free reign to do the same. Then some other guy can do her while you're banging this other chick.

jeez hambone... i reckon him posting here is just that, a sign of guilt... not knowing to give in or not.
Haven't we all been on the edge of tresspassing?
Or did you really got screwed over once by a deceiving girl? and that is why you are so harsh on the subject? (not native english speaking here; so I mean this not in a personal negative way, but just wondering)

think of what you have with your wife
your gonna put everything that you worked so hard to get in danger for one night of dipping your wick
this woman may be hot but you might end up with nothing .you say ur wife will never know they allways find out my friend allways!

Since the moment you are not sure to do that, and think you'll feel guilty... means that yes, you'll regret for sure, otherwise you wouldn't be asking us or anyone and you would do it straight away!... So you are not that kind of guy...
If you do it you will have something to remember for all your life, if you don't, hey! you're a married man with a great and lovely wife (aren't you?) so you do not do it you will never have something to fell guilty... but if you do it and something goes wrong, or your wife find it out... you will lose a lot... a lot mate...

Follow your heart mate, it's not a catholic thing... not a moral thing, it's about how much you could lose... or win...

Keyser Soze wrote:! Part of me thinks, you have only one life, grab the opportunity and part of me thinks I might not be able to deal with the guilt and that I might burn in hell for it (catholic upbringing).

Judging from that very fact of writing here, the hell part already started.

Wasn't gunna say shit on here but well....

Theres no way u'll be able to do it without telling u'r wife or fucking up....
The fact u'r even posting bout it shows u'r going to be killed by the guilt.

If your relationship isn't an open one and has never included sex with
others in the past then it's probably not a good time to start.

That being said.... All guys cheat.
Those that don't die of stress

-Ben