Ableton Forum

I think sarcasm is a great way to get your point across. I also believe it's a sign of weak character and insecurity. Guilty as charged!

So after reading so many people's similar horror story experiences at Guitar Centers I thought it would be fun to create a Guitar Center job application based on your suggestions. I will then compile it into an official looking word document or pdf that you can download, fill out and proudly (or drunkenly) turn into your local Guitar Center. Or mail it into corporate if you are a big pussy.

So let me get things rolling with a few ideas of my own:

Connect the customer's music genre in column A with the best DAW to use in column B.

Column A Column B

Electronic Reason
Hip Hop Reason
Metal Reason
Country Reason
Folk Reason
Gospel Reason

How many cover bands are you currently a member of? ____ How many Disco songs do they play? ____

How many friends will be using your employee discount? ____ How many people who attend your cover band's gigs will be using your employee discount? ____

On a scale from -10 to -50 rate your Emo factor ____ Does your hairstyle reflect that number? ____

Hypothetical: A customer walks up to the counter and asks for "extra light guitar strings". The most appropriate Guitar Center response is:

a) Contemptfully argue with him about why he wants extra lights, since your favorite guitarists all play with heavy gauge strings.

b) Advise that worn-out strings are an indication that you need a new guitar, and try to sell him a Hamer.

c) Advise that worn-out strings indicate you need a new amp, and try to sell him a Behringer.

d) Ask if he'd like a copy of Reason to go with the strings.

Two vital questions to add:

Keeping the "No Return On Opened Software" policy in mind, how willing are you to lie about a software's features to sell it? (hint: more is better)

When presented with a piece of hardware you know absolutely nothing about, whould you:
A. Fake it
B. Tell the customer that what they REALLY need is a different device that you know at a least a little about.
C. Recommend Reason instead
D. Baffle the customer with meaningless technical talk

How many years have you been delivering pizzas for Dominos? ___

What is the proper emergency procedure if your mullet gets caught in the conveyer belt when bringing up a "totally killer" Squier Strat Rockpack?

1. Convince the band that they sound a million times better with 7 String Guitars even though everyone in the band is already deaf and no one can hear the bass player and no one listens to the manager or the drummer when they ask the two guitarists to turn the bass on their amps down so everyone else can hear what the bass player is actually playing but it doesn't matter anyway because everyone in the band hates each other already and they haven't even played that many shows this month and can't get booked on any east coast tours. So basically you are in a band with three bass players.

2. Also, you convince the drummer to buy Roland triggers for his two 22" kick drums and a drum module and a subwoofer and a PA. Four bass players. Oh yeah, the vocalist quit the band, but he could never sing or contribute anything anyway so that doesn't matter either.

3. um...........no one comes to your shows. peace.

4. no really, you suck. all that time wasted. learning to rip off Between the Buried and Me.

sounds like you should have this on there too -

Number of years worked at Best Buy? ____

Number of customers you have lied to while working at Best Buy? ___

Keep them coming. I wonder if there is going to be any legal issues with posting something like this. Maybe if I change the spelling by a letter or something. Neb needs to jump on this thread with his legal advice.

This is great.

Good way to let them know how many people aren't pleased with what their doing, I'd hope that they'd take notice, gotta make it to big to ignore.

They really should have a better quality of employees. They're not all bad but its a mega-corporate approach, you can see that they are most concerned with the bottom line

When we open 3 new stores in your area and transfer you, will you be able to work in a department in which you have no relevant experience?

People in the audio industry still use turntables, true or false? (literally had one guy tell me no one uses turntables anyway, and GC doesn't carry them. AND, we were IN the DJ department when he said this to me ).

Musician's Friend, Sam Ash, and Guitar Center are all owned by the same parent company, true or false?

tribewalker wrote: Number of customers you have lied to while working at Best Buy? ___

Correct answer - "all of them!"

when a customer asks if you can discount the price for them you:

a) tell them you'll ask your manager, then you click on your computer for a moment and say "I can drop the tax if you're willing to pay cash"

b) tell them they can just have it for free if they come back after hours

c) ask them if they own reason yet

d) "what customer? I was just hanging out behind the counter, this isn't even my department"

hypothetical situation test:

a customer comes into the store and you get to chatting about the gear this person uses (remember your 4 step conversation strategy on page 3). This customer informs you that they currently use a roland tb-303, a moog, a roland tr-808 as well as many other machines you have never heard of. what do you do?

you tell them they don't need all that junk since plugins sound better. true/false

you tell them they need reason - true/false (if answered true, do you tell them they can use said plugins in reason? yes/no)

you tell them you've heard of all those machines and pro's don't use anything like that - true/false

you tell them you aren't familiar with that equipment but that you're willing to help any way you can - FALSE/false

you ask the customer if they want fries with their order - true/false

personally offend the customers choice in machines since that will make them more likely to buy reason - true/false

Just to clarify... its not REASON its REASONS!!! Don't ever forget the extra S at the end!! HAHAHA

Which is the best product not sold at Guitar Center:

A. Faderfox controllers
B. FMR Audio RNC1773 compressor
C. Esteban guitar with lesson book and sticker sheet
D. Nothing; if it's not sold at Guitar Center it's total crap