I used to feel shortchanged in relation to music all the time & resentful about having to spend my day job doing other stuff, working in a bureaucracy...
Somehow I managed to change that balance and find a way of making space both for my work and my music.
- I found that while a lot of my thinking was 'i wish I had more time for music' I would often actually do different things with my free time - socializing, facebooking, watching movies. I realised that choosing for music was also choosing not to do other things; using my existing time differently.
- While it is nice to have hours and hours for music, I found that making a little bit of time every day was also very effective. The everyday has a way of accumulating. For a long time all I did was sit at the keyboard for 15 minutes every morning between getting up and going to gym, and just experiment with chords, finger excercises, harmony. And to do it aimlessly. And slowly my confidence and sense of what I could do grew
- I gave up on the idea of one day mastering music. No-one ever masters music. There is always more to learn. And you can always value and enjoy the place you are at now.
- Initially it was very frustrating. You finally make time for music, and there you sit in front of the keyboard, with no ideas coming and Ableton Live looking at you like a stupid grey grid. Sometimes it was disillusioning. Everything I made sounded crap. But slowly my confidence and understanding grew and at the moment it feels like there is always a flow: I can sit down even for ten minutes before bed, tweak a few knobs, and find myself exploring new thoughts and patterns.
At the moment I feel very fortunate to have both a job, and time for music. The job can be frustrating, but it also has moderate rewards and pays the bills. And when I make music, there is no pressure to produce or be creative, there is only the responsibility to have fun
And yes, one day I might want to give more time for it. But it feels like something I am growing into, and I am thankful for the space and spaciousness a slow process has given me.