"Marxists are clueless" (Funk N. Furter)

[Steve Ballmer]

Teletubbies Say Hello! (Fan fiction)

Summary: Set in London, England, 2009. "Tinky-Winky" (Pui Fan Lee) is 17, "Dipsy" (Simon Shelton) is 16, "Laa-Laa" (Nikki Smedley) is 15, and "Po" (Sandra Dickinson) is 14. They all are in high school and go to the same school. One day, Nikki has an idea, but it just may damage her and her friends' reputations.

Chapter One: Fast-Forward 11 years

It was February 2009 in London, England. The young people of London High School were hanging out before first hour started. The most prestigious, smart clique in the school consisted of Pui Fan Lee, a Japanese native who loved to write and sing. He had a tall, muscular build, He had straight, jet-black hair that was long in the front and short in the back and on the sides, and the hair hung into his clear blue eyes. Pui's biggest controversial attribute was that he was gay. But his clique accepted him, and so did the rest of the school. The clique also consisted of Simon Shelton, Nikki Smedley, and Sandra (Sandi) Dickinson. Simon was the jock of the group. He was African, and he was tall and muscular like Pui. Simon had piercing green eyes, and long, light brown curly hair that he always wore back in a ponytail. His favorite sport was hockey. He was the popular guy that every guy wanted to be and every girl wanted to date. Nikki was the independent, burn-out artist of the group. She was tall and curvy. She had short, pixie-cut black hair, brown eyes, and sultry lips. No doubt about it, Nikki was gorgeous, and she was bisexual, which made it a definite plus. She dressed in black almost every day. Sandi was the preppy cheerleader of the group. She had long, straight red hair, shiny violet eyes, and a small, yet stacked figure. She was more the type to dress in pink, yellow, and lime green. And she always wore skirts or dresses with heels. She was a devout Christian, but guys were still trying to get with her.

Pui, Simon, Nikki, and Sandi were hanging out in their usual corner, the one by the lunch tables in the back. Nikki was drawing a picture, Pui was writing a song, Simon was playing with a hockey puck, and Sandi was practicing her cheerleading moves. "I just have to be myself…" Pui sang in a soft voice. "That sounds good." Nikki said, not looking up from her drawing. "What are you drawing, Nikki?" Simon said, flicking paper footballs across the table. "Nothing." Nikki said. Sandi, as usual, was completely oblivious. She was too absorbed in her cheerleading moves.

"C'mon." Simon said, egging Nikki on, "Let me see." "No." Nikki said, "I'm not finished yet." Pui yanked the paper from her hands, and his reaction was quite an interesting one. "Oh my God." Pui said when he looked at the picture. It was him, Simon, Nikki, and Sandi, all in their Teletubby costumes from when they were 6, 5, 4, and 3. They were all standing around the Tubby dome, looking happy as ever to be there. But inside they were hurting, and Pui was the first one to acknowledge it. Suddenly, Pui was fed up and he left the table. "Pui?" Sandi said, and stopped stretching. "What did I do?" Nikki said, looking around as Pui ran for the boys' room.

Chapter Two: Just Don't

Simon ran after Pui, making a big scene, although no one paid attention, due to the fact that this clique was intimidating to the rest of the school. "Dude," Simon said, when Pui was leaning against the door, "Just chill, all right? I don't know what got into Nikki. I guess she just wanted to remember something." "Well I don't!" Pui said, and started crying. "Come on." Simon said, going into the bathroom and leaning against the wall, "Just tell her how you feel." So Pui stormed out of the boys' room.

A tear-stained Pui walked up to Nikki, and in a confrontational fashion, said, "I don't want to EVER be reminded of those days again. We were tortured and worked like dogs. Just DON'T, Nikki, OK?" "But Pui," Nikki said, "That was part of our past, and I for one happen to be proud of it. We were the biggest show in England and in America. We had nothing to lose." "Yeah, except our dignity." Pui retorted, "Remember, we couldn't walk down the street without someone going, "Oh my God, it's the Teletubbies!" "I happened to like all the attention myself, bro." Simon said. "Me too," Sandi said, "It was really nice to have people looking up to you, especially little kids." "True," Pui said, "But remember when we got cancelled? We lost all our money and our fame along with it. The public chewed us up and spit us right back out. Just like with those dumb boy bands."

"But bro," Simon said, "We were more than that. We brought joy to children all over the world, and you can't put a price on that." "I guess you're right." Pui said, and then the bell rang.

Chapter Three: I have an idea

Pui couldn't go through his classes without thinking about their early days as the Teletubbies. The producers worked them harder than race horses when they were no older than first graders.

He could almost feel everyone watching him; like everyone knew about their secret. Pui knew for a fact that almost everyone had watched the Teletubbies when they were kids. Maybe they knew somehow…. No, Pui thought. They didn't know. They couldn't know.

"Hey," a blonde-haired girl said to the boy sitting behind her, "Remember that show 'The Teletubbies?" "Yeah." The boy said, "I used to watch that show all the time when I was a kid." "Me too." Another brown-haired girl said. Suddenly, the whole class started talking about the Teletubbies amicably and laughing. All of them, except for Pui. He was trying to concentrate on his work, blushing heavily and sweating. "Hey Pui," The girl sitting next to him said, "You OK? You need to go to the nurse or something? You seem really nervous." "No," Pui said, "It's ok. I'm just thinking about this new song I'm writing." "Oh." The girl said, and went back to talking about the Teletubbies with her friends.

But Pui was lying. He thought he heard his name mentioned a couple of times in the conversation, but he couldn't be sure. He just shook his head and went back to his work.

When the bell rang, it was lunchtime, and the prestigious clique met in their corner again to eat lunch. Everyone started eating, all except for Pui. He was busy writing his song on his pad of paper. "Pui?" Sandi said, "Why aren't you eating?" Pui shrugged and continued writing his song:

No one knows who I am

I have to hide behind a mask

Just so I won't get tortured

Day after day

I just have to be myself

And break free of this shell

That the world has cast upon me…

"Bro," Simon said, chewing on his French fries, "I seriously think there's something wrong with you." "Yeah." Nikki said, "I really don't know what was the big deal about my picture this morning." Pui shook his head. He was still pissed at Nikki. "Pui," Sandi said, crunching on her salad, "I think Nikki meant no harm. She just wanted to remember…you know." "Well, I don't." Pui said. He didn't say it angrily, but he said it in a way that let you know not to mess with him.

"Wait," Nikki said, "I have an idea." "Yeah?" Sandi said, not looking up from her food. "My idea," Nikki continued, "is that we get back together for a sort of, reunion. A Teletubbies reunion! Like the old times!"

The group just silently sat around and stopped chewing, looking at Nikki with skeptical looks in their eyes. "Are you serious?" Simon said, and started cracking up. "Yeah, what were you smoking this morning?" Sandi said, and wiped a tear of laughter from her eyes. Pui wasn't laughing, however. He was just pissed. "Nikki, seriously, what did I do to piss you off?" He said, "Because this is seriously not funny." "I don't think she's trying to piss you off, Pui." Sandi said, "I think she's just trying to break the awkward silence." "No, guys, I'm serious." Nikki said, "I really want to do this. It just occurred to me the other night, when I was looking through all my Teletubbies stuff. I really, really want to do this. Please?" "One word to answer your question," Sandi said, "No. Do you know what the whole school would think of us?"

"They don't have to know." Nikki inquired, "We could put on all our special makeup like we used to, and they'd never know." "Well, I've got to get going." Simon said, "I've got math next." "Yeah…" Pui and Sandi said, and cleaned up their garbage, leaving Nikki by herself.

Chapter Four: Planning it Out

Nikki walked home that day with a strange feeling in her mind and heart. Usually her friends would be quick to accept her new ideas. After all, she was one of the creative ones of the group. Sure, Pui had the mechanics of the ideas, but she was the visionary. And just like with all her pictures, she would need Pui's help to put it together. So she dialed Pui's number.

"Pui?" Nikki said, "I need your help with something." "No." Pui said, "And I know what you're thinking. You want to start this Teletubbies thing all over again, but me and the rest of the group don't. Nikki, I love you to death, but sometimes your ideas are really stupid." And he hung up the phone.

Nikki sat back on her bed, feeling like shit. She had never felt so rejected in her life. She tried to think, "Whatever. His loss." But she couldn't. How was she supposed to pull this off? So she called Sandi.

But Sandi didn't answer. She was probably at cheerleading practice. After all, she was the flier. "Hey, Sandi it's Nikki." Nikki said, beginning her message, "I was just thinking…well…I still want to do this whole Teletubbies thing. You want to help me get it off the ground?" And Nikki hung up the phone.

Nikki hoped Sandi wasn't mad at her. Yes, Sandi had laughed at her, but that didn't mean she didn't value Nikki's ideas. Sandi was the sweet one of the group, the one that always kept things together. So Nikki decided to forget about it, and she called Simon.

Luckily, Simon answered. "Hello?" He said. "Hey Simon, it's Nikki." "Yeah?" Simon said, in that way that made Nikki get a little irritated at him. "Well, I have a proposal for you." Nikki said, sneakily but cleverly, "I was thinking….um…we could start the whole Teletubbies thing tonight." "Nikki," Simon said, letting out a deep breath, "I just…I don't know. Are you really serious about this? Do you REALLY want to damage your reputation like this?" "I really don't give a shit what it does to my reputation, Simon." Nikki said, "This means a lot to me, and I really want to get it off the ground." Simon sighed and rubbed his forehead. "OK." He said, and went over to Nikki's house.

Nikki couldn't believe it! She was so excited! At least Simon wouldn't betray her. She went to her big walk-in closet and looked through all of her Teletubbies things. First, she found the little tent they would use for the house. She set this up in the living room, along with tons of posters and stuffed dolls of the Teletubbies. When Simon walked in the door, he was shocked. Nikki was in full costume and make up of Laa-Laa. "Here." She said, handing the Dipsy costume to Simon, "Put this on." Simon just laughed and shook his head.

When Simon came out of the bathroom with his Dipsy costume on, Nikki burst out into laughter. "Just like old times." She said, "Big Hug!" And she and Simon hugged like the Teletubbies. "Okay," Simon said, "So what are we supposed to do?" "Read the script." Nikki said, and they had a long night ahead of them.

(Chapters 5-8 here: http://m.fanfiction.net/s/4783673/5/)

[Steve Ballmer]

It can make it difficult to find gainful employment

[nathannn]

Being smart is a burden best left to smart people.

Soon you will be recognized as a genius for your efforts of debating under multiple screen names on the ableton forum. I understood your post well enough and I also understand it was an attempt to stump people by using more syllables than necessary. Thank you for your presence brain of all brains.

[Steve Ballmer]

Well your interpretation was off, so you obviously didn't. No need to thank me, my brains are their own reward. You wouldn't understand.

[nathannn]

Well your interpretation was off, so you obviously didn't. No need to thank me, my brains are their own reward. You wouldn't understand.

Goddamn Are you always hiding some place around here? I write something thinking 'oh he's probably busy mowing the lawn or something' then boing you pop up like Satan.
If my interpretation was off it was only due to you purposely trying to stump the opposition by using industry only terminology every other word (which is idiotic given that it takes less syllables and less effort to just use everyday terminology) , its not due to my conceptual understanding. Its basically like being in a fight and you throwing sand in the opponents eye and saying "I win".

[Steve Ballmer]

I understood your post

my interpretation was off

By the way, you spelt your name wrong. "Nathan" only has 2 ns.

[Steve Ballmer]

less syllables

"fewer".

[nathannn]

less syllables

"fewer".

Holy shit you got me!
why must I let myself fall victim to human error?
WHY WHY WHY WHY!

The only thing that will relieve this stress if for me to go huff on some more canned air.

[Steve Ballmer]

Have fun.

[Steve Ballmer]

Socialism is bound to be better because it's logical, it's planned. If you want a job doing properly you plan it. It's not rocket science. What I can tell you is that the planned economy in Russia allowed it to become the fastest growing economy in the world except for Japan, which was aided by the USA, in the period up the 1970s. The economy in Russia grew quickly IN SPITE OF the Stalinist bureaucracy, which was a huge obstacle to socialist planning. It was a relative fetter that became an absolute one in the last few years before the top bureaucrats transferred Russia to a more straightforward and lucrative form of personal enrichment by an elite - capitalism.

"Not one of the 170 essential sectors has fulfilled the objectives of the Plan a single time over the last 20 years ... this has brought about a chain reaction of hardship and imbalance which has led to 'planned anarchy'" - Pravda, May 1988

"The paradox of "planning" is that it cannot plan, because of the absence of economic calculation. What is called a planned economy is no economy at all. It is just a system of groping about in the dark. There is no question of a rational choice of means for the best possible attainment of the ultimate ends sought. What is called conscious planning is precisely the elimination of conscious purposive action." - Von Mises, HUMAN ACTION

[Steve Ballmer]

[Machinesworking]

Socialism is bound to be better because it's logical, it's planned. If you want a job doing properly you plan it. It's not rocket science. What I can tell you is that the planned economy in Russia allowed it to become the fastest growing economy in the world except for Japan, which was aided by the USA, in the period up the 1970s. The economy in Russia grew quickly IN SPITE OF the Stalinist bureaucracy, which was a huge obstacle to socialist planning. It was a relative fetter that became an absolute one in the last few years before the top bureaucrats transferred Russia to a more straightforward and lucrative form of personal enrichment by an elite - capitalism.

"Not one of the 170 essential sectors has fulfilled the objectives of the Plan a single time over the last 20 years ... this has brought about a chain reaction of hardship and imbalance which has led to 'planned anarchy'" - Pravda, May 1988

"The paradox of "planning" is that it cannot plan, because of the absence of economic calculation. What is called a planned economy is no economy at all. It is just a system of groping about in the dark. There is no question of a rational choice of means for the best possible attainment of the ultimate ends sought. What is called conscious planning is precisely the elimination of conscious purposive action." - Von Mises, HUMAN ACTION

As much as I think funken is being naive, I think you're equally being naive in thinking that those two quotes somehow eradicate the logic of a planned economy. Statements like this:

What is called conscious planning is precisely the elimination of conscious purposive action.

are pure conjecture, based on bias. There are plenty of long term planned economies, this flies in the face of saying they don't work. Conversely there has never been a long term free market low government zone, only cities on the outskirts of civilization, and they end up succumbing to corruption. Essentially history says that overtly planned economies and unplanned economies both succumb to outside pressure, not surprising to me.

[Steve Ballmer]

The first quote kills Funk's attempt to use the Russian example as evidence (as the Russians themselves claim their planning was shit), and the second is a very brief overview of why planning is impossible. The part you cite is the conclusion, not the explanation. Reread the quote, find the argument, and then, if you actually want to learn something, read Mises's book Socialism. Or the relevant wiki page, which is much shorter. Or ask me politely.

In any case, I'm going with Tinky-Winky, because of the handbag.

[H20nly]

Reread the quote, find the argument, and then if you actually want to learn something, the read Mises's book Socialism.

is the sentence above part of the lesson on poor grammar?

[Steve Ballmer]

The grammar is actually correct. What you're seeing there is a "typo".

That said, my use of punctuation is perhaps a little confusing.