Driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway.
Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What happened?"
"Terrorists kidnapped President Bush and are asking for a $10 million
ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse him with gasoline and set him on
fire. We are going from car to car to take up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving on average?"
"About a gallon."
[JOKE] "Icing" (may be offensive)
A man is on his morning jog down the beach boardwalk when he come across an old lady crying in her wheelchair. Being sympathetic he stops to comfort her and ask why she is so sad.
She responds by saying she has lived her whole life and never been kissed before.
So without hesitation the nice man bends down and plants a nice wet kiss on her.
It truly made her day.
A few days later the man is on his morning jog down the beach boardwalk and sees the same old lady crying in her wheelchair. So he approaches her again to see what is troubling here now.
She responds that she has gone her whole life and never been fucked before.
So without hesitation the man picks her up out of her wheelchair, takes here to the edge of the pier, throws her in the water and says there ya go, now your fucked.
She responds by saying she has lived her whole life and never been kissed before.
So without hesitation the nice man bends down and plants a nice wet kiss on her.
It truly made her day.
A few days later the man is on his morning jog down the beach boardwalk and sees the same old lady crying in her wheelchair. So he approaches her again to see what is troubling here now.
She responds that she has gone her whole life and never been fucked before.
So without hesitation the man picks her up out of her wheelchair, takes here to the edge of the pier, throws her in the water and says there ya go, now your fucked.
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DeadlyKungFu
- Posts: 3603
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:26 pm
Three surgeons are bragging about their accomplishments over a few drinks.
The first surgeon says "A concert pianist came to me after he lost his fingers in a car door. I reattached them and he's still playing concerts"
The second retorts "I worked on a woman with 3rd degree burns all over her body, next week she'll be in the Miss America pageant"
The third doctor replies "Oh yeah, back in the 80s I was assigned a patient who was drunk and high on cocaine, he totalled his car, all that was left was an asshole and a cowboy hat. Today he's President Of the United States."
The first surgeon says "A concert pianist came to me after he lost his fingers in a car door. I reattached them and he's still playing concerts"
The second retorts "I worked on a woman with 3rd degree burns all over her body, next week she'll be in the Miss America pageant"
The third doctor replies "Oh yeah, back in the 80s I was assigned a patient who was drunk and high on cocaine, he totalled his car, all that was left was an asshole and a cowboy hat. Today he's President Of the United States."
that is sweet! almost tops the "28 year olds"-
leisuremuffin
- Posts: 4721
- Joined: Tue Apr 06, 2004 12:45 am
- Location: New Jersey
A girl i once dated asked me to fuck her with 8 inches and hurt her.
I did her twice with 4 inches and punched her in the face.
I did her twice with 4 inches and punched her in the face.
Last edited by hoffman2k on Thu Mar 23, 2006 11:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.
A young girl goes to her father with a request. "Daddy, I need to borrw the car again this weekend, I have a date and my boyfriend wrecked his car."
The Father thinks for a bit and replies, "Come to think of it, why does your boyfriend get to have all the fun? I never get anything in return, but I have a request. If you want to borrow the car, I want you to suck MY dick." The girl, discusted, walks away.
The next day, the girl tries again. "Daddy, all kidding aside, I REALLY REALLY neded to borrow the car on Saturday." "I wasn't kidding" said the father. Again, the girl walks away rejected and discusted.
On the third day, the girl come to her father. "Daddy, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can I have the car this weekend?" "Well, young lady, you know what you need to do to get my car..." "Well, OK. How bad can it be?
The girl drops to her knees and starts to give her father a blowjob. Suddenly she stops, spitting and gagging. "Oh my God, dad! Your dick tastes like SHIT!"
"Oh, sorry honey, I forgot. I already promised the car to your brother."
The Father thinks for a bit and replies, "Come to think of it, why does your boyfriend get to have all the fun? I never get anything in return, but I have a request. If you want to borrow the car, I want you to suck MY dick." The girl, discusted, walks away.
The next day, the girl tries again. "Daddy, all kidding aside, I REALLY REALLY neded to borrow the car on Saturday." "I wasn't kidding" said the father. Again, the girl walks away rejected and discusted.
On the third day, the girl come to her father. "Daddy, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE can I have the car this weekend?" "Well, young lady, you know what you need to do to get my car..." "Well, OK. How bad can it be?
The girl drops to her knees and starts to give her father a blowjob. Suddenly she stops, spitting and gagging. "Oh my God, dad! Your dick tastes like SHIT!"
"Oh, sorry honey, I forgot. I already promised the car to your brother."
15" PB 2.5 Ghz, 4 Gig RAM, 750 GB HD, Live 9 still no cue points or program change messages?!?. Doesn't do shit.
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Sales Dude McBoob
- Posts: 2844
- Joined: Thu Dec 02, 2004 9:34 pm
- Location: Durham, NC. USA
- Contact:
MoPad Thai-
DeadlyKungFu
- Posts: 3603
- Joined: Tue Aug 09, 2005 8:26 pm
Monster Cable makes an awesome subwoofer grease.Sales Dude McBoob wrote:I tell my customers, look, there's Audio Technica, and there's Audio Whatthehecknica. Don't mess with the latter.ikeaboy wrote:Sales Dude McBoob wrote:What did the HR824s have for dinner?:arrow: MoPad Thai
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house.
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!"the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband love's me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing, and the aroma of perfume filled the room.
"What are you doing?" she asked.
"I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.
"But you're naked!"the mother-in-law exclaimed.
"This is my LOVE dress," the daughter-in-law explained.
"LOVE dress? But you're naked!"
"My husband love's me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."
The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.
"What are you doing?" he asked.
"This is my LOVE dress," she whispered, sensually.
"Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?
