(OT) I Have Seen The Light/ I Am A Changed Person

[DeadlyKungFu]

Snowtires - Congrats on losing the dead weight. Breakups suck but you're much better off in the long run. I've kicked deadbeat girlfriends to the curb before, in time it feels satisfying. They're just girlfriends, in the long run there's only two relationships you need to worry about, the one you have with yourself and the one you have with a life partner. You can't expect to change someone, not that you implied that. If nothing else there's the honesty factor, you owe yourself someone better than that.

Coke = assholes. Especially in a group because there's guaranteed to be at least one person who can't hang and chill out. The more you do, less you get high, the more you want. Suns up, let's get another 8-ball. Then there's the f-ing hangover, I can't do hard drug hangovers anymore, not worth it. Funny, when I've hung out with cokeheads and said no thanks at first it's like 'whats your problem' then it dawns on them that it's more for them, and it's all good.

I got sick of hard drugs at my last burningman. We had tons of work to do and dipshit's been methed out for 3 days, temper tantrums and no focus whatsoever. Meth straight up scares me.

Then there's 'E'. wow man, that show was awesome, we were so high on E and... Of course it was awesome, you could have weasels chewing on your nuts and still have a great time. It has its place but it dumbs down the scene.

Sleep deprevation, now that's a great drug!!

[Spikee]

I used to have a serious problem years ago and for the last 7 years I have been clean living. However, I decided to make myself a tea, well rather a hot chocolate with some weed (as I don't want to smoke or inhale stuff into my lungs) and wow!!! I have to say it was great!!! I was off my face (in a nice way, though initially it was a bit intense. Though a seasoned pro like me knew what to expect)!! It made me realise how uptight I have been over so many trivial matters and how I can be an arsehole at times (that has manifested itself in this forum on ocassions). Not to forget a new lease of life and perspective on my music and creativity.

I am wise enough now and strong enough not to go down the slippery slope that drugs can take you to. I say in moderation and if you are in control, go for it. I take back my totally anti-drug stance that I used to have. But you must be in control and not let it dominate.
I will apologise for coming across as so single minded and sometimes aggressive in my past posts and threads. Please forgive me!! I am a changed person and I think for the better.

LMAO

Good luck,seriously. You'll need it. Also, I'd like to say thank you, thank you for this wonderful example of how the mind of an addictive personality works. There are a lot of people out there that don't understand the bargaining and the constant see-saw battle that happens in an addict's mind but you really put a face to it. But yeah, I give you 30 days before you're right back at the place you didn't want to be. And if you were a betting line in Vegas I'd probably make a fortune off you too.

Now, before you reply let me save you the time. "Spikee, you don't know me or know my circumstances. How dare you judge me! I know firmly that it's going to be different this time than it was last time. So go F off." And you know what, you're right -- I don't know you. But I know the disease of addiction (I have it myself) and know that regardless of the face changing, the disease always stays the same. I know this from the countless leads I've heard while being in rehab/recovery, and I know from the countless times I let the disease bargain with me, only to slam me back into the "no money, poor health, stuck like a pig" zone.

But hey, you put all of this out there so if you don't like my response then its your fault. But I'll say this -- you can lie to yourself but you can't lie to any of the other addicts out here. And right now, you're a damn fool.

[Spikee]

what's worse is, when i confronted her about it, she said 'i only did it once.' to which i said, 'i know that's a lie, i have proof that you did it at least five times' (it's a long story) and she said, 'well, ok i did it a couple times, but i've stopped.' according to our mutual friends (who are more my friends than hers, not only has she had an addiction for years and not only hasn't she stopped, she's still using and she apparently recently got ahold of one of her old 'party' friends to find out where she could score some more. it breaks my heart to see her in this situation and to see her in such denial about her problem, but at the same time, fuck her. i hope she and her new boyfriend have great lives together, ripping lines of coke off of each other's asses. the only experiences i've ever had with friends doing drugs (other than pot, which just makes them stupid) have been absolutely awful. i've been there for bad trips, heroin intervensions and now a coke-addict ex-girlfriend. i don't know why anyone would want to try drugs, it blows my mind.

That's addiction for you. She's going to lose alot more than you before she wakes. Unfortunately, that's the track record for most addicts (myself included).

Why anyone would want to do drugs... tough question to answer. I can just tell you that if your curiousity and lack of respect for addiction leads you to coke, it changes you the first time you do it. Truth is, it's a wonderful drug and a wonderful high but with two problems, one is that its addictive and two is that it kills you. But after she first did it, her mind and body just wanted more and more. I was already aware of addictions, how they work and what-not when I first tried coke so fortunately I was able to not get in trouble with it, but it was a real tug of war for me!

Sorry about your girl. But leaving will help her get better, trust me on it. Get ya mind right and get back on your feet.

[smutek]

what about william burroughs? He seemed to be pretty productive.....

Like the time he shot his wife in the head.

Personally, i tried heroin and found it boring, that's why i don't do it.


.lm.

yeah, me too. Back in '94. The only thing I found boring about it was that for the next 5 years that was all I did, every day, 'cept when I was locked up, in detox or rehab.

Go figure, I was big on Burroughs back then. Don't get me wrong, nothing against the guy, just wanted to chime in.

I've been drug and alcohol free for about seven years now but I have absolutely nothing against drugs and the people who use them. I just found that I really really like to get fucked up and stay fucked up. Thats probably why I ended up shooting dope.

So yeah, drugs aren't for me, but if you can do them, have fun, and maintain a normal lifestyle then more power to ya.

[smutek]

she used to be a good person...... but now it's too late.

Dude, trust me, she's still a good person. She's just not acting like one. Maybe that doesn't make much sense, but she is still there inside, and if she ever does get clean that good person will be back and stronger than ever.

I'm a recovering heroin addict, I shot heroin and cocaine speedballs for the better part of five years and did some really bad stuff to support my habbit. Lost a lot of friends to the same shit. Fortunately I got clean in November of '99 and haven't drank or done drugs since.

There is still hope for your friend, but the best thing you, and everyone around her, can do to help her is let go, back off, and don't enable her in any way. She has to find her own way through this. If anything I would say you, or someone close to her, suggest to her to go to a narcotics Annonymous meeting.

[elektrovert]

yeah, me too. Back in '94. The only thing I found boring about it was that for the next 5 years that was all I did, every day, 'cept when I was locked up, in detox or rehab.

Go figure, I was big on Burroughs back then. Don't get me wrong, nothing against the guy, just wanted to chime in.

I've been drug and alcohol free for about seven years now but I have absolutely nothing against drugs and the people who use them. I just found that I really really like to get fucked up and stay fucked up. Thats probably why I ended up shooting dope.

So yeah, drugs aren't for me, but if you can do them, have fun, and maintain a normal lifestyle then more power to ya.

So where can I hear your music??

[smutek]

So where can I hear your music??

Seriously, my music isn't much to speak of bro. I'm mainly a hobbyist, Start a lot, finish very little. Do it for the joy ya know?

Here's a recent one for what its worth:

http://www.smutek.net/media/CYCLOPSBEAT.mp3

[Keyser Soze]

by slippery slope do you mean the view that if you toke a joint you will be doing heroin in 10 years? It bugs me to hear people talk about slippery slopes with drugs because its always your choice to do or not do drugs. Ive been smoking weed for about 10 years & i have never even tried any other drugs, despite the fact that 99% of my friends have. I think you always have control, its just about how much you use it and about how much you want to stick to it.

By slippery slope I mean not going down the path of relying on it day in, day out and having your life centered around it and that its always in the back of your mind that you want to be high. I will never ever go down that road again!!! To me it will be treat every once in a while. Before I think I said only every two weeks or so, but I have things to do and a busy life and I need to function. So no more than once every two months max and only if circumstances allow!! The day I got my life together all those years ago gave me enourmous powers of will power and self control. At the same time I gave up coffee, cigarettes and biting my fingernails. And guess what? Giving up biting my nails was the toughest challenge, but I beat it. I still get the urge now and then to bite my nails, but I just don't allow myself to. I use a kind of visualisation technique that prevents me from doing it. I forsee what I don't want and that helps me.

LMAO

Good luck,seriously. You'll need it. Also, I'd like to say thank you, thank you for this wonderful example of how the mind of an addictive personality works. There are a lot of people out there that don't understand the bargaining and the constant see-saw battle that happens in an addict's mind but you really put a face to it. But yeah, I give you 30 days before you're right back at the place you didn't want to be. And if you were a betting line in Vegas I'd probably make a fortune off you too.

I appreciate what you are saying. But I can confidently say you would lose your money should the opportunity exist to bet in Vegas. I used to be an addict and I know full well the process involved in justifying your actions to take drugs. First of all, as I say above, I have a far too busy life and a lot to lose should I resort back to my old ways. There is absolutely no way I would!! I think it was Sigmund Freud who used to do coke about twice a year and disciplined himself to stick to that for most of his life (I will only indulge in some weed now and again). I'd like to imagine that is how it will be like for me.

LMAO

Now, before you reply let me save you the time. "Spikee, you don't know me or know my circumstances. How dare you judge me! I know firmly that it's going to be different this time than it was last time. So go F off." And you know what, you're right -- I don't know you. But I know the disease of addiction (I have it myself) and know that regardless of the face changing, the disease always stays the same. I know this from the countless leads I've heard while being in rehab/recovery, and I know from the countless times I let the disease bargain with me, only to slam me back into the "no money, poor health, stuck like a pig" zone.

I also know the disease of addiction, but I really am a changed man and a wiser one too, with a lot at stake should things go haywire. I can honestly tell you that since that little experiment in getting high after 7 years or so I don't feel the urge to rush out and get high again in the short term at least. I saw it for what it was, a little adventure that I don't want to repeat on a regular basis. Yes, true, the disease of addiction is a hard one to beat but there are a variety of strains. When I got my act together all those years ago, I did it myself with no one's help, no counselling or anything. One day I just decided enough is enough, went cold turkey on all the things I wanted to stop and did it I would say fairly easily. It really is (for me) all in the mind to a certain extent. Once I made a decision and commited myself to it, I found it easy. I have to say I surprised myself. I must add though, I know many people who have failed miserably. People who had all the counselling in the world, read the right books etc...but couldn't pull it off or at least not without a huge battle. I didn't have that battle. I just said to myself to stop and that was that. Psychologically it was a piece of cake. Physically I suffered constipation for a long time and huge sleeping problems, that was all (though serious at the time). The battle for me was getting to that point where I recognised I couldn't go on living my life like that.

But hey, you put all of this out there so if you don't like my response then its your fault. But I'll say this -- you can lie to yourself but you can't lie to any of the other addicts out here. And right now, you're a damn fool.

I appreciate your response, even if it is a kind of cliched AA buddy system thing to say to a fellow addict when they feel the urge for another drink (don't take that badly though). Though I think your closing comments are a bit harsh and at least at this point of time I believe innacurate. I know that I won't fall again, but I guess time is the true judge and to have some objectivity, let's see what happens. As I said above, I don't feel any urge whatsoever to rush out and get high again in the short term. I can wait another couple of months if circumstances allow. If not, I can wait another year and I say that with full and total confidence. I remember when I used to take mushrooms and acid all those years ago. It was something I did twice a year max and I stuck to it. Admittedly, you wouldn't want to trip too often or you would go nuts!!!

[thelike5]

Personally, i tried heroin and found it boring, that's why i don't do it.

.lm.

How the fuck did you find smack boring?

[thelike5]

Hello,

After so much ranting about how anti drugs I am, "I have seen the light".
I should say that I am not condoning the use of drugs, but if you can discipline yourself and not get hooked, or rather not get into the habit of doing it far too often then I say it's ok.

I used to have a serious problem years ago and for the last 7 years I have been clean living. However, I decided to make myself a tea, well rather a hot chocolate with some weed (as I don't want to smoke or inhale stuff into my lungs) and wow!!! I have to say it was great!!! I was off my face (in a nice way, though initially it was a bit intense. Though a seasoned pro like me knew what to expect)!! It made me realise how uptight I have been over so many trivial matters and how I can be an arsehole at times (that has manifested itself in this forum on ocassions). Not to forget a new lease of life and perspective on my music and creativity.

I am wise enough now and strong enough not to go down the slippery slope that drugs can take you to. I say in moderation and if you are in control, go for it. I take back my totally anti-drug stance that I used to have. But you must be in control and not let it dominate.

Just in case you are interested, I put half a gram or maybe a bit less of weed into a frying pan with some olive oil and butter and gently fried it for about 5 minutes. Then I added it to a saucepan with a about a cup of hot milk and let it gently cook for about another 10 minutes. Add hot chocolate powder in a cup, then pour the contents of the frying pan into the cup using a tea strainer (to get rid of the gunk) and voila! On a empty stomach it kicks in after about 45 minutes to one hour, with a full stomach it kicks in after 2 hours or maybe more.

Once again I have to say it was a great buzz!! I will maybe do it once every 2 weeks or monthly. I dunno yet. But I will say again, its was a great reality check, put things into perspective thing, seeing things from a different angle and good for the creative juices. But I still maintain be sensible!!


I will apologise for coming across as so single minded and sometimes aggressive in my past posts and threads. Please forgive me!! I am a changed person and I think for the better.

www.grouphug.us

[vinkalmann]

Snowtires - Congrats on losing the dead weight. Breakups suck but you're much better off in the long run. I've kicked deadbeat girlfriends to the curb before, in time it feels satisfying. They're just girlfriends, in the long run there's only two relationships you need to worry about, the one you have with yourself and the one you have with a life partner. You can't expect to change someone, not that you implied that. If nothing else there's the honesty factor, you owe yourself someone better than that.

Coke = assholes. Especially in a group because there's guaranteed to be at least one person who can't hang and chill out. The more you do, less you get high, the more you want. Suns up, let's get another 8-ball. Then there's the f-ing hangover, I can't do hard drug hangovers anymore, not worth it. Funny, when I've hung out with cokeheads and said no thanks at first it's like 'whats your problem' then it dawns on them that it's more for them, and it's all good.

I got sick of hard drugs at my last burningman. We had tons of work to do and dipshit's been methed out for 3 days, temper tantrums and no focus whatsoever. Meth straight up scares me.

Then there's 'E'. wow man, that show was awesome, we were so high on E and... Of course it was awesome, you could have weasels chewing on your nuts and still have a great time. It has its place but it dumbs down the scene.

Sleep deprevation, now that's a great drug!!

Sounds like you were with the Cowboys? Either that or the meth was a common experience for people

[DeadlyKungFu]

Close, Sol System 2004. 10 O'Clock and Esplanade. One crazy experience, was out there for 10 days worked the whole time.

Space Cowboys are just an awesome crew. That truck they have is THE SHIT!!

[vinkalmann]

Close, Sol System 2004. 10 O'Clock and Esplanade. One crazy experience, was out there for 10 days worked the whole time.

Space Cowboys are just an awesome crew. That truck they have is THE SHIT!!

SOL system was my best memory from '03. That wall of speakers was nothing short of AMAZING. You could stand up next to that and have your internal organs vibrated but didn't hurt your ears because the sound was so clean

(sorry for the thread hijack!)

[j0shu@]

I know that I won't fall again, but I guess time is the true judge and to have some objectivity, let's see what happens.

just like sammy hagar said

"only time will tell if we stand the test of time."

[DeadlyKungFu]

Close, Sol System 2004. 10 O'Clock and Esplanade. One crazy experience, was out there for 10 days worked the whole time.

Space Cowboys are just an awesome crew. That truck they have is THE SHIT!!

SOL system was my best memory from '03. That wall of speakers was nothing short of AMAZING. You could stand up next to that and have your internal organs vibrated but didn't hurt your ears because the sound was so clean

(sorry for the thread hijack!)

Yeah, that's (can't remember the name!!) the same guys that rented to Lush and I think The Deep End. They know their shit, lots of speakers underdriven.

03 was my first year, yeah, they went off, great music. Sonic Runway is still one of the coolest things I've ever seen.

'05 was huge too, I made a lighting system for 'Sol Henge'. A group made 25' to 35 high' Stone Henge stones from 2x4s covered in white spandex that encircled a 100' dance floor. I made from scartch a lighting system that counted out 4 beats with a microcontroller, the lights would go to full bright on the '1' then dim down for 4 beats, then go bright and dim down. 5kW of floodlights in 3 colors, I can't believe we pulled it off. I also worked on a 40' dome with a 7.2 ambisonic sound system and lots of cush. I left camp 3 times, worked my ass off and will never go back. Seriously been there, done that. I can't really talk about it in my personal life, the prep turned my life inside out for 3 months, hard on the wife too.

But it's something everyone should experience at least once.

Pics don't really capture it.