(OT) I Have Seen The Light/ I Am A Changed Person

[thelike5]

Pics don't really capture it.

I don't know, they look pretty amazing to me...

[quandry]

I think it was Sigmund Freud who used to do coke about twice a year and disciplined himself to stick to that for most of his life (I will only indulge in some weed now and again). I'd like to imagine that is how it will be like for me.

Not so, at least according to an History Channel documentary on coke that I saw. It says he started experimenting with it when it first became availible, and used it "morning, noon, and night" for years on end. He thought it was a magical, catch-all wonder drug, and readily dispensed it to his patients on a daily basis. It was only when other doctors proved it's harmful and addictive effects that he slowed down his usage to a degree. Again, I haven't researched it, but the History Channel documentary made it seem like he was a raving addict for much of his adult life. anyhow, weed is nowhere near as physically harmful or addictive-most people that smoke many times a day can easily stop instantly for whatever reason they want without physical or mental problems associated with hard substances. As long as you set boundaries and don't hang out with people who use hard drugs, you should be fine. I appreciate that some ppl on this thread have struggled with hard drug addiction, but comparing that with smoking wee is a stretch. good luck.

[Pitch Black]

smoking wee is a stretch.

You don't say?

[quandry]

smoking wee is a stretch.

You don't say?

oops! yeah, it be pretty gross to smoke "wee"!!!

[Spikee]

by slippery slope do you mean the view that if you toke a joint you will be doing heroin in 10 years? It bugs me to hear people talk about slippery slopes with drugs because its always your choice to do or not do drugs. Ive been smoking weed for about 10 years & i have never even tried any other drugs, despite the fact that 99% of my friends have. I think you always have control, its just about how much you use it and about how much you want to stick to it.

By slippery slope I mean not going down the path of relying on it day in, day out and having your life centered around it and that its always in the back of your mind that you want to be high. I will never ever go down that road again!!! To me it will be treat every once in a while. Before I think I said only every two weeks or so, but I have things to do and a busy life and I need to function. So no more than once every two months max and only if circumstances allow!! The day I got my life together all those years ago gave me enourmous powers of will power and self control. At the same time I gave up coffee, cigarettes and biting my fingernails. And guess what? Giving up biting my nails was the toughest challenge, but I beat it. I still get the urge now and then to bite my nails, but I just don't allow myself to. I use a kind of visualisation technique that prevents me from doing it. I forsee what I don't want and that helps me.

LMAO

Good luck,seriously. You'll need it. Also, I'd like to say thank you, thank you for this wonderful example of how the mind of an addictive personality works. There are a lot of people out there that don't understand the bargaining and the constant see-saw battle that happens in an addict's mind but you really put a face to it. But yeah, I give you 30 days before you're right back at the place you didn't want to be. And if you were a betting line in Vegas I'd probably make a fortune off you too.

I appreciate what you are saying. But I can confidently say you would lose your money should the opportunity exist to bet in Vegas. I used to be an addict and I know full well the process involved in justifying your actions to take drugs. First of all, as I say above, I have a far too busy life and a lot to lose should I resort back to my old ways. There is absolutely no way I would!! I think it was Sigmund Freud who used to do coke about twice a year and disciplined himself to stick to that for most of his life (I will only indulge in some weed now and again). I'd like to imagine that is how it will be like for me.

LMAO

Now, before you reply let me save you the time. "Spikee, you don't know me or know my circumstances. How dare you judge me! I know firmly that it's going to be different this time than it was last time. So go F off." And you know what, you're right -- I don't know you. But I know the disease of addiction (I have it myself) and know that regardless of the face changing, the disease always stays the same. I know this from the countless leads I've heard while being in rehab/recovery, and I know from the countless times I let the disease bargain with me, only to slam me back into the "no money, poor health, stuck like a pig" zone.

I also know the disease of addiction, but I really am a changed man and a wiser one too, with a lot at stake should things go haywire. I can honestly tell you that since that little experiment in getting high after 7 years or so I don't feel the urge to rush out and get high again in the short term at least. I saw it for what it was, a little adventure that I don't want to repeat on a regular basis. Yes, true, the disease of addiction is a hard one to beat but there are a variety of strains. When I got my act together all those years ago, I did it myself with no one's help, no counselling or anything. One day I just decided enough is enough, went cold turkey on all the things I wanted to stop and did it I would say fairly easily. It really is (for me) all in the mind to a certain extent. Once I made a decision and commited myself to it, I found it easy. I have to say I surprised myself. I must add though, I know many people who have failed miserably. People who had all the counselling in the world, read the right books etc...but couldn't pull it off or at least not without a huge battle. I didn't have that battle. I just said to myself to stop and that was that. Psychologically it was a piece of cake. Physically I suffered constipation for a long time and huge sleeping problems, that was all (though serious at the time). The battle for me was getting to that point where I recognised I couldn't go on living my life like that.

But hey, you put all of this out there so if you don't like my response then its your fault. But I'll say this -- you can lie to yourself but you can't lie to any of the other addicts out here. And right now, you're a damn fool.

I appreciate your response, even if it is a kind of cliched AA buddy system thing to say to a fellow addict when they feel the urge for another drink (don't take that badly though). Though I think your closing comments are a bit harsh and at least at this point of time I believe innacurate. I know that I won't fall again, but I guess time is the true judge and to have some objectivity, let's see what happens. As I said above, I don't feel any urge whatsoever to rush out and get high again in the short term. I can wait another couple of months if circumstances allow. If not, I can wait another year and I say that with full and total confidence. I remember when I used to take mushrooms and acid all those years ago. It was something I did twice a year max and I stuck to it. Admittedly, you wouldn't want to trip too often or you would go nuts!!!

Well, I certainly didn't write all of that to chaf you or anything but to me, all I can do is relate to you based off of what I've gone through, and it's been hell. I really wish that I could deliver the world from their addictions, but just because I can't snap my fingers and make it vanish doesn't mean that I can't just talk to one person at a time. Your well being means more to me than whether or not you like me because I know that you're somebody's son, somebody's friend, somebody's employee and that getting in a bad way is such a tragic thing for a whole community of people, not just the person it affects.

I extend my best wishes -- feel free to pm if you feel like you're backtracking, I'm not all doom and gloom.

[Machinesworking]

I appreciate what you are saying. But I can confidently say you would lose your money should the opportunity exist to bet in Vegas. I used to be an addict and I know full well the process involved in justifying your actions to take drugs. First of all, as I say above, I have a far too busy life and a lot to lose should I resort back to my old ways. There is absolutely no way I would!! I think it was Sigmund Freud who used to do coke about twice a year and disciplined himself to stick to that for most of his life (I will only indulge in some weed now and again). I'd like to imagine that is how it will be like for me.

The funniest part to anybody who has been through addiction is that you are willing to risk everything in order to get high every once in a while, yet you ignore the psychological implications of that simple fact.

Good luck, it is of course possible to do anything, it just depends on how much of your willpower you want wrapped in the struggle not to indulge in old behavior when things aren't going your way.
What I'm getting at is that it isn't hard to beat addictive behavior when things are going well, and generally that's when people decide to indulge in the type of behavior that caused them grief. It's just that life doesn't offer you any guarantees , something horribly sad and emotionally painful is always looming, people die, accidents happen, women leave you, work becomes hell etc.... It's those times that are the hardest to face if you have any crutch to fall back on.

I have one friend who did it successfully, she drinks a bit and smokes pot occasionally after NA and beating a heroin addiction, but plenty who went right back out when shit hit the fan, the odds aren't that good at all.

[rasputin]

...it just brings out their "inner asshole." Sort of like what alcohol can do: turns mild mannered milquetoasts to macho dickheads. (Except for me; it makes me intelligent and reflective )

The best thing I can say about alcohol is that it helped me not care when girls I asked to dance laughed at me...

r.

[leisuremuffin]

[dick mode]
to all who have negative things to say about burroughs:

please post again on the matter when you are as recognized as a musician as he is as a writer.

thank you.
[/dick mode]


But in all seriousness, whether or not you like his work, he must have done something right.


as an example of a similar idea, i think mathew barney's art is crap, but he's getting paid to throw vaseline on the walls of the guggenhiem and i'm not. In other words, i don't like his shit, but a bunch of other respected people do.




Again, i'm not trying to say that you should go out and do heroin or that heroin isn't a horribly addictive and dangerous drug, i'm just saying that it worked for at least one person. That's enough for me not to judge it absolutely.


I just sort of think that people should be allowed to put whatever the fuck they want into their bodies, including complete poison if that's what they want to do.


Of course i also think i should have the right to shoot a junkie dead if he's trying to rob my house.


Shit, am i a libertarian or something?


.lm.

[snowtires]

Of course i also think i should have the right to shoot a junkie dead if he's trying to rob my house.

don't you? i'm pretty sure that's a justifiable use of deadly force. if someone breaks into your house, you can pretty much do whatever you want with them. in fact, i remember a friend's dad (his dad was a cop) saying, if someone breaks into your house and you shoot them outside (i.e. if they start running away), bring their body inside and you'll be fine. also, i grew up in rural pennsylvania, it's not uncommon to see 'trespassers will be shot' signs at the border of people's property.

[ILTK]

Of course i also think i should have the right to shoot a junkie dead if he's trying to rob my house.

Just make sure he's dead, else he might sue.

[ikke]

Let us roll a spliff
Let us fire up Ableton

Let us go creative

[TranNgoc2010]

You can not just shoot someone for coming in your house they have to pose a clear and present danger to you or your family i.e. hold a gun up to your face kids etc - you can't just shoot someone. but

Drugs are bad. I smoked pot yesterday instead of going to class. I ended up in a dance music store and bought 2 dance records because I have a funky house gig out of town. I forgot how hard it is to listen to music stoned. You really have to listen to the music or you can get lost in never never land with the effects.

It was like walking into a candy store the rush of it all. I'm stoned and I can listen to all this music. Reminded me of walking into a porn shop that lets you preview dvd's in private booths, with a 'teener' of coke in my pocket. Now I smoked with my friend and we hugged and said our goodbyes had we done coke she would have given me a blow job and I would have perform illectrolingus (assuming she didn't smell) 10 hours, 2 bottles of lube, 4 porno's, some crack and a gay magazine later I would have felt really bad. Instead I ended up not going to class but I bought 2 records (Allan Banford on Definitive and a Southern Fried Records remix by PUNX ELECTRIX - very hot so much so I call it the heat)

No matter how talented you are if you're dumb enough to kill someone or yourself on drugs you're just dumb. Ive seen so much talent wasted on booze, coke smack and crack it's not even funny. I'll probably die of a drug overdose in a hotel room. It will rain.

[snowtires]

the things you posted would be way better if they were funny. everything you say sounds like something a football (american football) player would say to his friends in a locker room. it's like, 'haha, isn't it funny how i'm just totally tasteless for no reason other than to be tasteless? woooooo!!! let's go fuck some fat chicks!' you probably send links to your message board comments to all of your 19 year old thugged out white boy friends and they all laugh because you and your friends have the sense of humor of a child molester. you're not funny, you're pathetic. in a month, when no one is shocked by what you say anymore (not that they are now), you'll quit posting here and, i dunno, go hook up with you step sister or something. that's my prediction.

[Angstrom]

you'll quit posting here and, i dunno, go hook up with you step sister or something. that's my prediction.

nah,
he'll change his name and come back again.

perhaps he'll have thought of a different hillarious joke than "I can't speak english" the next time.

[TranNgoc2010]

Was it the thing i said about crack or shooting someone? You guys are rough.