OT - Help TheFool with the ladies

dcease · Post by **dcease** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:16 am

y'all a bunch of pussies, chasin after pussy. pussy chases me, i've almost been raped by women. i've had female strippers give me coke, meth whores give me meth, bitches trying to get me drunk... i've had far more thrown at me than i ever chased.

but i did initiate contact with wifey. i walked up to the bar, she gave me "that" look, and i said, "hey! i have a tattoo on my head too!" she said show me, then bought me a shot of patron. the rest is history...

4reel.

and for thefool, i lost my virginity to an asian chick. who took ME to homecoming. and always bought ME shit. fuck, i'd better shut up now...

Tone Deft · Post by **Tone Deft** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:42 am

dcease wrote:y'all a bunch of pussies, chasin after pussy. pussy chases me, i've almost been raped by women. i've had female strippers give me coke, meth whores give me meth, bitches trying to get me drunk... i've had far more thrown at me than i ever chased.

but i did initiate contact with wifey. i walked up to the bar, she gave me "that" look, and i said, "hey! i have a tattoo on my head too!" she said show me, then bought me a shot of patron. the rest is history...

4reel.

and for thefool, i lost my virginity to an asian chick. who took ME to homecoming. and always bought ME shit. fuck, i'd better shut up now...

a true player can lay down some advice and doesn't flex nuts because a real player knows he's got 'em.

not that I know shit, I just listen to the Geto Boys.

beats me · Post by **beats me** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 12:44 am

dcease wrote:y'all a bunch of pussies, chasin after pussy. pussy chases me, i've almost been raped by women. i've had female strippers give me coke, meth whores give me meth, bitches trying to get me drunk... i've had far more thrown at me than i ever chased.

but i did initiate contact with wifey. i walked up to the bar, she gave me "that" look, and i said, "hey! i have a tattoo on my head too!" she said show me, then bought me a shot of patron. the rest is history...

4reel.

and for thefool, i lost my virginity to an asian chick. who took ME to homecoming. and always bought ME shit. fuck, i'd better shut up now...

So in summary your advice is "be me"?

dcease · Post by **dcease** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:00 am

nah, i'm just makin fun of y'all, and subsequently myself

i have no advice, as i never had a problem... hence rant. i actually have no clue why i even said it

other than to fuck with fool...

some real advice, be yourself, be funny, be secure (but not your internet self, unless you are me. i treat y'all the same way i treat everyone!),unless you are fuggly, in which case, get some money.

women love that shit...

fangirl · Post by **fangirl** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:28 am

Two things. Either be...

1) endearingly goofy

or

2) a charming asshole

Don't offer to buy me a drink. That would mean I know you're interested, which means I win and you suck. Unless you're Brad Pitt and nobody is Brad Pitt except for maybe Angelina Jolie, but she has a vagina. Also, chicks who are drink whores are truly evil people. They won't fuck you and they will laugh at you and your desperation the moment you walk away. (I, of course, am no drink whore. Just thought I should mention it.)

Being endearingly goofy is easy. If you can't dance, fucking OWN that shit. I remember hooking up with a guy once because he was dancing his ass off, BADLY, in the middle of the dancefloor wearing the biggest, cheesiest smile. That kind of dorky enthusiasm is refreshing in a room filled with meatheads wearing ugly Ray-Bans and $300 jeans.

Charming assholes are tougher. I dunno what it is. It's that evil twinkle in the eye, that sly smile, the cigarette behind the ear...and the drugs. Have drugs if you want to be the charming asshole.

Okay, but in all seriousness, if you can make a girl laugh, you win.

dcease · Post by **dcease** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:32 am

fangirl wrote:Two things. Either be...

1) endearingly goofy

or

2) a charming asshole

explains me perfectly

Sleep Tyght · Post by **Sleep Tyght** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 1:52 am

Tone Deft wrote:
dcease wrote:y'all a bunch of pussies, chasin after pussy. pussy chases me, i've almost been raped by women. i've had female strippers give me coke, meth whores give me meth, bitches trying to get me drunk... i've had far more thrown at me than i ever chased.

but i did initiate contact with wifey. i walked up to the bar, she gave me "that" look, and i said, "hey! i have a tattoo on my head too!" she said show me, then bought me a shot of patron. the rest is history...

4reel.

and for thefool, i lost my virginity to an asian chick. who took ME to homecoming. and always bought ME shit. fuck, i'd better shut up now...

a true player can lay down some advice and doesn't flex nuts because a real player knows he's got 'em.

not that I know shit, I just listen to the Geto Boys.

"I'm Not A Gentleman" is my absolute favorite geto Boys track of all time...

Actually to be honest despite what most females say....they really don't prefer to meet gentlemen at the club....or anywhere else for that matter.

What works for me is the following...

1. Nice haircut.

2. Clean shave. Clean clothes...and hopefully your ass bathed.

3. Diddy's "Unforgivable" cologne, or Usher's cologne....or Paris Hilton For Men. Think I'm joking? I guess you haven't met women who prefer their men to smell like a fucking God.

4. Eye Contact...NEVER EVER let your eyes wander while you're speaking.

5. Confidence...but not being a Deushbag. Let it be known that you're giving HER the opportunity to be YOUR NEWEST BEST FRIEND. Smile when you mention this to her...yes you have to say it. Comedy is king when you're an attractive prince.

And 6. Make physical contact in the first 30 seconds of speaking to her. If she refuses to shake your hand while introducing yourself...or if her handshake seems weak as all fuck....she doesn't want anything to do with you. I always used to ask some ol bullshit like, "Is that your hair that smells so good?" If she says "I guess"...ask if she would mind if you got a little closer to catch a whiff. If she allows you to...

Like I said...if she lets you get physical...you've got a shot.

P.S. I used all of this shit to attract my fiancee. I'm passing the crown to my son.

beats me · Post by **beats me** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:30 am

dcease wrote:nah, i'm just makin fun of y'all, and subsequently myself

i have no advice, as i never had a problem... hence rant. i actually have no clue why i even said it other than to fuck with fool...

some real advice, be yourself, be funny, be secure (but not your internet self, unless you are me. i treat y'all the same way i treat everyone!),unless you are fuggly, in which case, get some money.

women love that shit...

+1 to not being ugly. If you are then I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you can walk it off.

olio89 · Post by **olio89** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:31 am

Tone Deft wrote:
thefool wrote:Perhaps i should start making hiphop music
I think trance might be the best music to DJ and get laid. more intoxicants are involved.

yes go the trance route - tiesto is proof you can be very ugly and still get laid

Tone Deft · Post by **Tone Deft** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:32 am

beats me wrote:
dcease wrote:nah, i'm just makin fun of y'all, and subsequently myself

i have no advice, as i never had a problem... hence rant. i actually have no clue why i even said it other than to fuck with fool...

some real advice, be yourself, be funny, be secure (but not your internet self, unless you are me. i treat y'all the same way i treat everyone!),unless you are fuggly, in which case, get some money.

women love that shit...
+1 to not being ugly. If you are then I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you can walk it off.

you must go through a lot of shoes.
DOH!!

another tip that has helped me for decades, single or married:
it's not wrong to beg for sex.

fangirl · Post by **fangirl** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:36 am

olio89 wrote:
Tone Deft wrote:
thefool wrote:Perhaps i should start making hiphop music
I think trance might be the best music to DJ and get laid. more intoxicants are involved.
yes go the trance route - tiesto is proof you can be very ugly and still get laid

He's also tall. And European. And rich. Ugly who?

dcease · Post by **dcease** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:37 am

Tone Deft wrote: another tip that has helped me for decades, single or married:
it's not wrong to pay for sex.

Tone Deft · Post by **Tone Deft** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:40 am

dcease wrote:
Tone Deft wrote: another tip that has helped me for decades, single or married:
it's not wrong to pay for sex.

man, I don't like drinking out of public water fountains, I sure as hell ain't putting Mr. Happy where dozens of desperate dicks have gone, rubber or not.

/stoked to have evaded all STDs and pregnancies while I was single. <scratch scratch>

beats me · Post by **beats me** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:41 am

Tone Deft wrote:
beats me wrote:
dcease wrote:nah, i'm just makin fun of y'all, and subsequently myself

i have no advice, as i never had a problem... hence rant. i actually have no clue why i even said it other than to fuck with fool...

some real advice, be yourself, be funny, be secure (but not your internet self, unless you are me. i treat y'all the same way i treat everyone!),unless you are fuggly, in which case, get some money.

women love that shit...
+1 to not being ugly. If you are then I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you can walk it off.
you must go through a lot of shoes.
DOH!!

Come on man. If your wife wasn't married to you she would so go out with one of my friends. So that means I got laid by association. It's practically the same thing.

Tone Deft · Post by **Tone Deft** » Wed Feb 27, 2008 2:46 am

we were joking once about what would happen if I died. I explicitly told her that she sure as fuck had better have more taste than to get with any of MY friends!! she agreed.

that was before I met the Ladies Man that is Beats Me, but I wish the best for her. besides, any fool who'd hang out with me doesn't have the sense god gave the turnip.

I'm off to check for dynamite wired to my car's ignition.