ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Discussion of music production, audio, equipment and any related topics, either with or without Ableton Live
landrvr1
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Post by landrvr1 » Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:08 pm

Ahem.

I think Tone knows that I'm bullshitting here, and maybe one or two others, but the rest of you need to crank your Bullshit Detectors up a couple of notches.

...

Amanita
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Post by Amanita » Mon Jun 30, 2008 2:46 pm

That bleeping keyboard sound would anger me so much in a club that i fear i would be forced to shove the offending instrument right up his arse - bouncers or no bouncers he would have a MIDI controller up his council gritter...

hambone1
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Post by hambone1 » Mon Jun 30, 2008 5:53 pm

DjViral wrote:i know from experience that the crowd wants to see the dj pump them up whether it be with jumping around, hand signals, head bobbing, or just good music.
'Just good music' does it for me!

IMO, the rest is cheerleading, and without an instrument to play, it's become an essential part of the 'look at me' DJ experience.

It's all just show-biz...

three
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by three » Tue Jul 01, 2008 1:36 am

landrvr1 wrote:Look at those guys. Look at the Dignity for fuck's sake. The sheer will of composure. You'd all do well to take some lessons from the Masters. No head bobbing.
Hey Man,

it's me, you know, me, from the real world.

As a working DJ, the more I get into a set, by which I do mean the whole gamut of fist pumping jump dancing ass kicking just being my fucking self and rocking out the harder the crowd rocks.

If you're a DJ and you're just standing there, well, I hope this isn't news but you've fucked up.

If you can listen to your own set without grooving out then you need a different set.

I don't believe that there are any two ways about this, but still curious to hear what others have to say.

HTH,

Chris

landrvr1
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by landrvr1 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:02 am

three wrote:
landrvr1 wrote:Look at those guys. Look at the Dignity for fuck's sake. The sheer will of composure. You'd all do well to take some lessons from the Masters. No head bobbing.
Hey Man,

it's me, you know, me, from the real world.

As a working DJ, the more I get into a set, by which I do mean the whole gamut of fist pumping jump dancing ass kicking just being my fucking self and rocking out the harder the crowd rocks.

If you're a DJ and you're just standing there, well, I hope this isn't news but you've fucked up.

If you can listen to your own set without grooving out then you need a different set.

I don't believe that there are any two ways about this, but still curious to hear what others have to say.

HTH,

Chris

Dude from the Real World: Do you find that certain dance moves you do might guarantee certain sex acts later? For instance, seriously bobbing your head up and down while frantically pushing a button over and over might guarantee a blow job later? Or serious jumping up and down with your hands in the air and your knees straight might get you a bit of anal sex? Is there a direct correlation?

THESE are the important questions. Questions that warrant serious study.

...

three
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by three » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:13 am

landrvr1 wrote:Dude from the Real World: Do you find that certain dance moves you do might guarantee certain sex acts later? For instance, seriously bobbing your head up and down while frantically pushing a button over and over might guarantee a blow job later? Or serious jumping up and down with your hands in the air and your knees straight might get you a bit of anal sex? Is there a direct correlation?

THESE are the important questions. Questions that warrant serious study.

...
Not just serious study, but ROCKSTEADY STUDY!

The best move to guarantee a blowjob is drawing a picture of a penis on a sign with an arrow toward your penis and an arrow on a little string that you can point toward chicks' mouths.

If you absolutely need anal sex I have absolutely no idea what to tell you except

a) you don't have to be dj to get laid if you're gay\
b) if you're not gay, you're going to want to ask for a retake on the birds and the bees test

Full disclosure: happily taken and that by a girl that I find pretty hot, so I've been able to move into the honorable circle of those that pass easy lays off to they that need such. It's like being a pimp, but you don't gotta hit nobody and you don't get no extra money neither. Other than that: 'sactly the same.

Sorry if I sounded like an ass in the first comment, but I can confirm a positive correlation between how much you rock out behind the pult and how hot the girls are that ask you for drugs. (Hint! More rocking makes the girls turn hotter!!!!!!)

.cm

landrvr1
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by landrvr1 » Tue Jul 01, 2008 2:38 am

three wrote:
landrvr1 wrote:Dude from the Real World: Do you find that certain dance moves you do might guarantee certain sex acts later? For instance, seriously bobbing your head up and down while frantically pushing a button over and over might guarantee a blow job later? Or serious jumping up and down with your hands in the air and your knees straight might get you a bit of anal sex? Is there a direct correlation?

THESE are the important questions. Questions that warrant serious study.

...
Not just serious study, but ROCKSTEADY STUDY!

The best move to guarantee a blowjob is drawing a picture of a penis on a sign with an arrow toward your penis and an arrow on a little string that you can point toward chicks' mouths.

If you absolutely need anal sex I have absolutely no idea what to tell you except

a) you don't have to be dj to get laid if you're gay\
b) if you're not gay, you're going to want to ask for a retake on the birds and the bees test

Full disclosure: happily taken and that by a girl that I find pretty hot, so I've been able to move into the honorable circle of those that pass easy lays off to they that need such. It's like being a pimp, but you don't gotta hit nobody and you don't get no extra money neither. Other than that: 'sactly the same.

Sorry if I sounded like an ass in the first comment, but I can confirm a positive correlation between how much you rock out behind the pult and how hot the girls are that ask you for drugs. (Hint! More rocking makes the girls turn hotter!!!!!!)

.cm

Never apologize around here. You should know that by now.



Doesn't everybody absolutely need anal sex? Gay or straight? *landrvr1 looks around*



...

dje
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Post by dje » Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:55 am

I usually duct tape my feet to the floor when I perform. I once pulled a groin jigging about the stage and decided to tone it down.

landrvr1 poses a worthy question. Bobbing my head at precisely 50 Hz for 32.5 seconds results in an instant blow job. Add fist pumping and anal is guaranteed. Has anyone else experienced this?

three
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Post by three » Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:09 am

I have had success with speeds up to 56.8hz, however, negative side affects may be experienced significantly before 60hz, such as anal sex.

It's a fine line between clever and stupid young skywalker.

dje
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Post by dje » Tue Jul 01, 2008 5:54 am

three wrote: It's a fine line between clever and stupid young skywalker.
Uh... thanks for the buzz kill on a totally awesome thread.

And for using the most cliche phrase ever created to express condescension.

three
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Post by three » Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:08 am

dje wrote: And for using the most cliche phrase ever created to express condescension.
nobody ever mixed star wars and spinal tap before, did they?

Olga
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by Olga » Tue Jul 01, 2008 6:20 am

landrvr1 wrote:After watching this abortion from the other thread:

http://youtube.com/watch?v=8G_pZ299YQE

I feel it is my duty to speak out now; lest all of you DJs fall into an oblivion from which not even I can save you.



This is how all of you should behave on stage FFS.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kXD6Gtinvbc

Look at those guys. Look at the Dignity for fuck's sake. The sheer will of composure. You'd all do well to take some lessons from the Masters. No head bobbing. No jumping about like you've got ants in your pants. No fuckin' about with Hoodies from the Gap. No bending over with your nose two inches from the fucking controls as if you're trying to read the Dictionary off a gnat's ass.

Dignity, people. A little self respect and Dignity.

Now Go. Go and Make Fools of Yourselves No More.

...



Maybe Kraftwerk should play Tehran for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad before he turns Germany into black radioactive glass along with Israel with the bomb he's making.

rasputin
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Post by rasputin » Tue Jul 01, 2008 3:59 pm

morerecords wrote:Well, I am on the road until Sept but I'm from NY : )

Thanks for the tip!

[img]http://img165.imageshack.us/img165/8301/2584li5.jpg[/jpg]
Failosity.
Live 9.1 <> occasionally Reason 4.0.1 <> Reaper.latest! <> Windows 7 on a bespoke Intel Q6600 <> ASUS P5E <> 8GB RAM, M-Audio Delta 2496 and that's it.

rasputin
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Re: ATTENTION DJs. THIS is how you should behave on stage.

Post by rasputin » Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:24 pm

Olga wrote:Maybe Kraftwerk should play Tehran for Mahmoud Ahmadinejad before he turns Germany into black radioactive glass along with Israel with the bomb he's making.
I think you win the "non-sequitur of the century" award.

WTF does that have to do with inane DJs?
Live 9.1 <> occasionally Reason 4.0.1 <> Reaper.latest! <> Windows 7 on a bespoke Intel Q6600 <> ASUS P5E <> 8GB RAM, M-Audio Delta 2496 and that's it.

Pitch Black
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Post by Pitch Black » Tue Jul 01, 2008 4:24 pm

rasputin wrote:
morerecords wrote:Well, I am on the road until Sept but I'm from NY : )

Thanks for the tip!

Image
Failosity.

Image



**forum roadie scuttles off**

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