And welcome me back. Been a long time but I was lost in an infinite loop in my tweaking frenzy for over 247 days. afterall i am a real tweeker type guy and like to experiemnt. but i did learned a lot and now I come to share with you the lesson I learn. So here goes it is my step by step guide for making music not so much fun.
Intro - many of us have fun making music and that why we do it and like it - because it is fun. am i wrong? but what little of us know that music doesn't HAVE to be fun. You might one day have a miserable time making music. Then you think, "geez, how do i create this situation again, so that i have a horrible time making music." well here's is my guide to thsis
1) The first principal you learn is to hate music. get into this mentlly. go to the studio thinking "i hate music, it's the worst". this is very important. it makes contribute to the negative energy that you will try to surround yourself with for the rest of the day.
2) Next, get in the studio and make your chair way too low. this ensures that you will look up at your screen so that after 4-5 hours your shoulders are in intense burning (flaming?) pain. This is called early preparation - so do it now and you won't not have to think about this later.
3) install Native Instruments plugins (use KORE if you have it), or install some of the demos. Nothing crashes a system better than NI plugins and if you really want to get frustrating very early, try to authroize the NI plugins in under 4 hours. If you've following evcery step so far you are in for a horrible time making music already.
7) Moving forward.... open your DAW and load up some of the NI instrument on some tracks. If you haven't crashed yet, you are not doing it enough. Try to get a kernel error or complete system meltdown within the very first 5 minutes or you are not doing enough!(if you use an older Macbook this is easy - the processor will get so hot that you cant even check email).
12) Feel the horror burning inside of you
5) This is important to insure a horrible time. If you are use a soundcard, turn the outputing buffer down to 2ms and change your session to 24bit 48k. You will see what I meant by this. everything you play will have an interesting distortion - a natural buffer overriding effect that will make tweakers think is you're cool. After 3 seconds you will hate what you are listening to - which is good. We must be remembering the primary emotion driving this horrible days at music making.
10) After your neck begins hurting from staring upward at screen and your ears are fried from the 1ms output buffer, go outside now and drink 7 espressos. wait.... wait.... wait....
7) Now run to the bathroom.
Go back to the studio and you will feel plenty jittery and refreshing but the best is still to come. Now you can bounce your track and upload it to beatport. thsi is the tricky part because your misery is now completly dpepneding on the people at beatport. so listin carefully...9) after your track is uploading to beatport, try to find it in the mass of trance music and unmastered minimal techno. You will be very unlucky if the data entry professionals at beatport spell your name right. If they do spell it right (by some weird mistaking) try uploading your track again until they get it wrongly. This will help ensure that your track is hard to find and nobody sees it in the abysmal beatport electronic music decay (ABEMD). The emotional effect of this is frusteration, self-loathing and and overall hatred for music of all kinds - exccept for trance which is universal excpeted as decent working man's music. if this is what you feeling, you have succeessed with the goals for today.
1) By now, you should be seriously crashing from the 7 espresso you drink earlier. Your neck and ears should be extremely painful and sesnsitive to touch. You had a horrible time in the studio and now feel completly horrible and full of hate. on top of that.. you have successsfully made a track and uploaded it to the masses where they will never find it and be able to experience the pain you are feeling today.
i hoping this was informative and stay tuned for next installment "mustaches and music and canadians: a retrospective"
