OT; Friendship and boundaries

[aisling]

Categories... As much as I hate boxes... they are inevitable on some fronts.

"...we're here on earth to experience the consequences of the choices we make" -Eryka Badu

I agree on the pathos of categories......
A funny thing is you always learn who your "real" friends are in times of dire need. A few years ago after a failed business and the birth of my first kid, I was financially destitute.
All of our "friends" who graciously enjoyed our hospitality, complimenting us on our kindness, culinary talents, and many others aspects.....Seemed to fade away. We were not invited to the gatherings, judgement and gossip began to circulate....
Simply mind blowing!
I want to have faith in mankind, but that experience left me quite skeptical. Yet if you need help, I'll still likely give you what ever I can........I just don't know any different.

[scott nathaniel]

One of my favorite lines from a Pink Floyd song is this, from If: If I were a good man, I'd understand the spaces between friends.That space is very important-- it's what gives each of us a bit of individuality. All too often we as friends, or strangers even, cross that boundary. Boundaries, and the respect and awareness of those boundaries, are important, even on a forum such as this.

[longjohns]

"...we're here on earth to experience the consequences of the choices we make" -Eryka Badu

damn, badu does acid? sounds like the kind of thing you'd write down while tripping because it seemed so amazing. then, read it the next day and realize how dumb it is.

[gjm]

A funny thing is you always learn who your "real" friends are in times of dire need. A few years ago after a failed business and the birth of my first kid, I was financially destitute.
All of our "friends" who graciously enjoyed our hospitality, complimenting us on our kindness, culinary talents, and many others aspects.....Seemed to fade away. We were not invited to the gatherings, judgement and gossip began to circulate....
Simply mind blowing!
I want to have faith in mankind, but that experience left me quite skeptical. Yet if you need help, I'll still likely give you what ever I can........I just don't know any different.

I think I just looked at myself in a mirror!

[H20nly]

"...we're here on earth to experience the consequences of the choices we make" -Eryka Badu

damn, badu does acid? sounds like the kind of thing you'd write down while tripping because it seemed so amazing. then, read it the next day and realize how dumb it is.

...except its not dumb.

[fishmonkey]

A funny thing is you always learn who your "real" friends are in times of dire need. A few years ago after a failed business and the birth of my first kid, I was financially destitute.
All of our "friends" who graciously enjoyed our hospitality, complimenting us on our kindness, culinary talents, and many others aspects.....Seemed to fade away. We were not invited to the gatherings, judgement and gossip began to circulate....
Simply mind blowing!
I want to have faith in mankind, but that experience left me quite skeptical. Yet if you need help, I'll still likely give you what ever I can........I just don't know any different.

I think I just looked at myself in a mirror!

most people are so deeply terrified of life/death that the sight of someone else going down just freaks them out...

[sherman]

A funny thing is you always learn who your "real" friends are in times of dire need. A few years ago after a failed business and the birth of my first kid, I was financially destitute.
All of our "friends" who graciously enjoyed our hospitality, complimenting us on our kindness, culinary talents, and many others aspects.....Seemed to fade away. We were not invited to the gatherings, judgement and gossip began to circulate....
Simply mind blowing!
I want to have faith in mankind, but that experience left me quite skeptical. Yet if you need help, I'll still likely give you what ever I can........I just don't know any different.

Yeah, it makes you sick. I've whittled it down to a few close friends, but they mean more than all the 'friends' I used to have. I'd rather see 3 names in my phone, and know any of them would bend over backwards for me (as I would for them), than 50 I could 'try' if I needed help.

[aisling]

A funny thing is you always learn who your "real" friends are in times of dire need. A few years ago after a failed business and the birth of my first kid, I was financially destitute.
All of our "friends" who graciously enjoyed our hospitality, complimenting us on our kindness, culinary talents, and many others aspects.....Seemed to fade away. We were not invited to the gatherings, judgement and gossip began to circulate....
Simply mind blowing!
I want to have faith in mankind, but that experience left me quite skeptical. Yet if you need help, I'll still likely give you what ever I can........I just don't know any different.

I think I just looked at myself in a mirror!

most people are so deeply terrified of life/death that the sight of someone else going down just freaks them out...

You're so right.....Which is why 6 million perished in the holocaust, millions in Africa and former Yugoslavia, Russia and Cambodia....
All in the last 75 years.

[longjohns]

...except its not dumb.

one man's profound is another man's inane

we're here for many other mind-blowing reasons:

-to feel the sensation of the things we touch
-to hear the sounds of what our ears capture
-to hit the six-footer of which our bro mans the carb
etc

dude you are so high right now!!!

[Tone Deft]

it's up there with "wherever you go, there you are."


OP - just ride the friendship out, maybe your friends are clueless but they couldn't understand what your professional life is like. you have a unique skill that you do day in, day out. if they get d0uchey, put pennies in their breakers.


I once told a large Burning Man camp that I know electronics. omfg mistake of a lifetime.

[mikemc]

+1 "whereever you go..."

My wife has a business where she provides some technical training. She and I were friends with a couple where the wife was one of her students, and her husband's company contracted my wife for some consulting. I helped them out with some minor computer advice.

Really liked them and we were close, over the period of a few years.

Something happened to get the wife mad at us. To this day neither of us are exactly sure what it was, but she just decided we were on the outs and that was that, and never really heard from either of them. A shared acquaintance mentioned to my wife "oh yeh, she is like that: just gets pissed off about something and she shuts down the friendship and he has no choice but to go along with it."

Maybe the moral is "people are utter dicks all the time for no good reason. therefore, you can be somewhat dickish for good reason and still maintain the higher ground"

[H20nly]

it's up there with "wherever you go, there you are."

Yeah, imagine that... the plain and simple truth.

because tiny phrases like "I am" are too simple to have any significance

one man's profound is another man's inane

we're here for many other mind-blowing reasons:

-to feel the sensation of the things we touch
-to hear the sounds of what our ears capture
-to hit the six-footer of which our bro mans the carb
etc

dude you are so high right now!!!

Why would I have to be high to face responsibility?
My quote had an ellipsis at the begining of it and no punctutation on the end.
It was in no way absolute.

Neither is narrow blown mindedness.
Life is good.

[Da hand]

...

Maybe he's not as good a friend as I believed him to be....
. ...
What sucks is he and I jam together pretty often, hell I gave him my brand new acoustic effects processor, a gesture of goodwill, that and dry acoustic thru a DI sounds sickening to my ears.

I tried to get him to buy a copy of Ableton so we could work on songs whenever the moment struck and we could share files, ect. I even had coupons so it wouldn't cost as much.

He said he was more into saving money, that i should buy it for him.

WTF!!!!

Hell I gave him a copy of Cubase, no great loss there, but that was 150.00 dollars....?

Dude, from the sound of it, he is just as guilty as his wife - he with music equipment, she with chores around the house. They are milking you for all that you are willing to give.

Move on. Don't look back!

[macmurphy]

most people are so deeply terrified of life/death that the sight of someone else going down just freaks them out...

So true. I was diagnosed with Bi-Polar disorder about 12 years ago and all but one of my 'friends' disappeared when they realized it wasn't going to go away over night - or ever for that matter. That one friend i had left was amazing for a while, but i guess he got burned out on my erratic behaviour and i haven't spoken to him in a few years now. I have a friendship/relationship now with a wonderful girl who understands my problems (she has a couple of mental health issues too, more serious than mine). Funny thing is, i wouldn't give up being bi-polar for anything. Seriously. It makes life very interesting. If it means i have only 1 friend because people often get freaked out by me then so be it. That's their problem/lack of understanding/ignorance.

I'm sorry if i've wandered off topic here...

[tw1nstates]

This is actually something that is important for working musicians.

When your friend asks if you can play at their wedding and it's assumed it's free, get offended. Non-musicians don't understand that even though we can perform/compose/arrange/edit and make it look easy, we can only do those things because we put in years to learn the craft. Also, doing work for super cheap can drive down the expected wages for musical services, so you're doing everybody a favor by not doing favors when it comes to the things you (and your peers) do well.

It's your friends wedding, you would take money from them for doing a gig?????

If you had to ditch another high paying gig then say no, otherwise, hey sure i'll play, it would be he best wedding present I could give you. . .

If you got a band then they might have to pay them, fair enough. But, wow man, show a little love