Anybody have good musician jokes?

Discuss music production with Ableton Live.
sparklepuff
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Location: Brooklyn

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by sparklepuff » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:25 pm

How do you get a drummer to stop playing for 2 weeks?

Hide his drum sticks in the shower.
Guitar | Synths | Samplers | Ableton @ Phantogram & Big Grams

sparklepuff
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Joined: Sat Apr 22, 2006 4:54 am
Location: Brooklyn

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by sparklepuff » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:26 pm

What do you call a trombone player with a cellphone?

An optimist.
Guitar | Synths | Samplers | Ableton @ Phantogram & Big Grams

gjm
Posts: 3679
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:53 am

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by gjm » Sat Sep 12, 2009 10:02 pm

Me.
iMac - 10.10.3 - Live 9 Suite - APC40 - Axiom 61 - TX81z - Firestudio Mobile - Focal Alpha 80's - Godin Session - Home made foot controller

littlepig
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Location: UK, London

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by littlepig » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:50 am

What's the difference between a soprano sax and a lawn mower?



You can tune a lawn mower

starving student
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Location: right here

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by starving student » Mon Sep 14, 2009 8:40 am

how many musicians does it take to play a sequence?

none :lol:

how many musicians does it take to trigger follow actions?

none :lol:

how many musicians does it take to trigger a random arp?

none :lol:

how many musicians does it take to check email?

plenty :lol:

crumhorn
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Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by crumhorn » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:02 pm

gabrielsaint wrote:What is the difference between an A flat and a G sharp?
You can't live in G sharp?
"The banjo is the perfect instrument for the antisocial."

(Allow me to plug my guitar scale visualiser thingy - www.fretlearner.com)

mojofunk
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Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by mojofunk » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:51 pm

Coffee just shot out of my nose!

dave999z
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Location: Washington, DC

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by dave999z » Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:38 pm

what's the hardest part about being a keyboard player in a rock band?

telling your mom that you're gay.

pulsoc
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Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by pulsoc » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:07 pm

necho wrote:How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.
oh SNAP! good one

pip
Posts: 116
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Location: Manchester, NH

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by pip » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:33 pm

How do you tune two flutes?

Shoot one.

mikemc
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Location: Maryland USA

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by mikemc » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:52 pm

Q: How many musician jokes have been posted here?
A: Just this one -- all the rest are true.
UTENZIL a tool... of the muse.

Ret Svilenov
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Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by Ret Svilenov » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:56 pm

mikemc wrote:A producer walks into a pet store wanting a parrot that makes particularly interesting noises. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $2,000 and the other is $6,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $2,000 one do?"

"He does beats in any style you want, breakbeats, techno... we call him Boomer."

"Pretty cool... and the other?" said the producer.

"She can emulate any synthesizer, does basslines, arps... we call her Melody.
But, hey, we've got another one in the back for $12K."

"Awesome! What does that one do?"

"He kinda holds up his wings and wiggles them while the others do what they do. We call him DeeJay."

LOVE THAT ONE :lol:

evon
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Location: Jamrock

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by evon » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:06 pm

I would have thought that musicians would be better jokers.
Frankly, you lot are corney.
I have never seen such crappy jokes in my life.
And to think that some people feel that music is not serious business.
After reading these poor attempts at being jokers then they will know.
Look this is a joke..you idiots:

And Just Who Said That?!

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."

Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".

"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday!"


Well I'm a musician and that's my joke.
fe real!

gjm
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Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by gjm » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:21 pm

pip wrote:How do you tune two flutes?

Shoot one.
reminds me of the one about how to reunite the Beatles...
iMac - 10.10.3 - Live 9 Suite - APC40 - Axiom 61 - TX81z - Firestudio Mobile - Focal Alpha 80's - Godin Session - Home made foot controller

gjm
Posts: 3679
Joined: Mon Nov 19, 2007 8:53 am

Re: Anybody have good musician jokes?

Post by gjm » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:29 pm

True story: I had a French guitar teacher once who tried to teach me how to play 'terds'...
iMac - 10.10.3 - Live 9 Suite - APC40 - Axiom 61 - TX81z - Firestudio Mobile - Focal Alpha 80's - Godin Session - Home made foot controller

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