Anybody have good musician jokes?

sparklepuff · Post by **sparklepuff** » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:25 pm

How do you get a drummer to stop playing for 2 weeks?

Hide his drum sticks in the shower.

sparklepuff · Post by **sparklepuff** » Sat Sep 12, 2009 9:26 pm

What do you call a trombone player with a cellphone?

An optimist.

gjm · Post by **gjm** » Sat Sep 12, 2009 10:02 pm

littlepig · Post by **littlepig** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:50 am

What's the difference between a soprano sax and a lawn mower?

You can tune a lawn mower

starving student · Post by **starving student** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 8:40 am

how many musicians does it take to play a sequence?

none

how many musicians does it take to trigger follow actions?

none

how many musicians does it take to trigger a random arp?

none

how many musicians does it take to check email?

plenty

crumhorn · Post by **crumhorn** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:02 pm

gabrielsaint wrote:What is the difference between an A flat and a G sharp?

You can't live in G sharp?

mojofunk · Post by **mojofunk** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 1:51 pm

Coffee just shot out of my nose!

dave999z · Post by **dave999z** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 5:38 pm

what's the hardest part about being a keyboard player in a rock band?

telling your mom that you're gay.

pulsoc · Post by **pulsoc** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:07 pm

necho wrote:How many bassists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

None. The keyboardist does it with his left hand.

oh SNAP! good one

pip · Post by **pip** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:33 pm

How do you tune two flutes?

Shoot one.

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:52 pm

Q: How many musician jokes have been posted here?
A: Just this one -- all the rest are true.

Ret Svilenov · Post by **Ret Svilenov** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 6:56 pm

mikemc wrote:A producer walks into a pet store wanting a parrot that makes particularly interesting noises. The store clerk shows him two beautiful ones out on the floor. "This one's $2,000 and the other is $6,000." the clerk said.

"Wow! What does the $2,000 one do?"

"He does beats in any style you want, breakbeats, techno... we call him Boomer."

"Pretty cool... and the other?" said the producer.

"She can emulate any synthesizer, does basslines, arps... we call her Melody.
But, hey, we've got another one in the back for $12K."

"Awesome! What does that one do?"

"He kinda holds up his wings and wiggles them while the others do what they do. We call him DeeJay."

LOVE THAT ONE

evon · Post by **evon** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:06 pm

I would have thought that musicians would be better jokers.
Frankly, you lot are corney.
I have never seen such crappy jokes in my life.
And to think that some people feel that music is not serious business.
After reading these poor attempts at being jokers then they will know.
Look this is a joke..you idiots:

And Just Who Said That?!

One Friday morning, a teacher came up with a novel way to motivate her class. She told them that she would read a quote and the first student to correctly identify who said it would receive the rest of the day off.

She started with "This was England's finest hour." Little Suzy instantly jumped up and said, "Winston Churchill."

"Congratulations said the teacher you may go home."

The teacher then said, "Ask not what your country can do for you."

Before she could finish this quote, another young lady belts out, "John F. Kennedy".

"Very good" says the teacher, "you may go."

Irritated that he has missed two golden opportunities, Little Johnny said, "I wish those girls would just shut up."

Upon overhearing this comment, the outraged teacher demanded to know who said it. Johnny instantly rose to his feet and said, "Bill Clinton. I'll see you Monday!"

Well I'm a musician and that's my joke.

gjm · Post by **gjm** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:21 pm

pip wrote:How do you tune two flutes?

Shoot one.

reminds me of the one about how to reunite the Beatles...

gjm · Post by **gjm** » Mon Sep 14, 2009 7:29 pm

True story: I had a French guitar teacher once who tried to teach me how to play 'terds'...

Anybody have good musician jokes?

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