Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris does.

fraq · Post by **fraq** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:30 am

Sorry folks, but I just discovered chucknorrisfacts.com and I've been laughing for the last hour......

When Chuck Norris wants popcorn, he breathes on Nebraska.

Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.

Chuck Norris beat the Sun in a staring contest.

If you get roundhouse kicked in the face by Chuck Norris in your dream, you DIE!

Chuck Norris can kick start a car

Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.

Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands.

Some people get lucky and kill two birds with one stone. Chuck Norris once killed four birds with half a stone. What's that? You say there's no such thing as half a stone? The four dead birds didn't think so either.

P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.

Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.

Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.

Einstein's original Theory of Relativity was; if Chuck Norris kicks you, your relatives will feel it.

Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down.

The only reason the color pink still exists is because Chuck Norris is color blind.

Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life.

Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.

When Chuck Norris crosses the street, the cars have to look both ways.

Chuck Norris speaks in all caps.

Chuck Norris’ IQ can be expressed simply as a sideways eight

Chuck Norris was once asked to repeat himself. The last thing that person ever heard was the wooshing sound of a roundhouse kick.

rbmonosylabik · Post by **rbmonosylabik** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:38 am

I lol'd @ Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club.

DeadlyKungFu · Post by **DeadlyKungFu** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 4:56 am

You're not making fun of Chuck Norris are you?

fraq · Post by **fraq** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:07 am

... a couple more good ones;

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

glitchrock-buddha · Post by **glitchrock-buddha** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:46 am

There was actually a pretty funny chuck norris thread here a while back. We started writing music production related chuck norris lines. Do a search, it's worth a read.

grb

DeadlyKungFu · Post by **DeadlyKungFu** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:52 am

Chuck Norris runs Live without a computer.

The 808 kick is a sample of a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick, from a safe distance in a bunker 8 miles underground.

The 'goddamn little orange dot' does not appear on Chuck Norris' Live screen for fear of a roundhouse kick.

James Brown samples Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris does not beat match, beats match for Chuck Norris.

chuck norris · Post by **chuck norris** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 5:04 pm

rbmonosylabik · Post by **rbmonosylabik** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 6:08 pm

lmao @ DeadlyKungFu

hoffman2k · Post by **hoffman2k** » Mon Jun 12, 2006 9:27 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjIfmRO_ ... k%20norris

fraq · Post by **fraq** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 3:50 am

hoffman2k wrote:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rjIfmRO_ ... k%20norris

Everyone who laughed in that clip - except Chuck Norris - is now dead. Fact.

Gygaxian · Post by **Gygaxian** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 6:43 am

chuck norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

rentanutta · Post by **rentanutta** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 7:44 am

chuck norris fears me

chuck norris calls me sir

I wish

Please oh great ominipresent Chuck Norris, please forgive me.

luke_l · Post by **luke_l** » Tue Jun 13, 2006 9:44 am

Who is Chuck Norris anyway... never heard of him.

Gygaxian · Post by **Gygaxian** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 6:11 am

just for that comment luke, chuck norris will destroy you within 3 days, because chuck never does not get in hurries.

snowtires · Post by **snowtires** » Wed Jun 14, 2006 12:40 pm

my ex-girlfriend had never heard of chuck norris either. like, when you see chuck norris in the end of the movie dodgeball, she didn't think it was funny because she has no clue who he is. i wasn't aware that there were people who didn't know chuck norris.