[very, very OT] my sadness, a loss...

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Thu Sep 18, 2008 11:58 pm

my beautiful mom passed this morning, being very suddenly overtaken by an aggressive cancer in the past week. she was not quite 80. your stories of similar loss and coping welcome.

elxicano · Post by **elxicano** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:04 am

Truly am sorry for your loss...

Sorry, no stories to add right now, but simply wanted extend my condolences.

john gordon · Post by **john gordon** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:22 am

damn..really sorry to hear this.my condolences

NorthernMonkey · Post by **NorthernMonkey** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:26 am

My father passed away twelve years ago with cancer - there's a lot of pain at the beginning but it does get easier as time passes and the fond memories will always be with you. Take your time, be true to your emotions and focus on the good times. I hope your mother rests in peace.

Machinesworking · Post by **Machinesworking** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:48 am

PM'd due to the personal nature of my story...

forge · Post by **forge** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:48 am

shit man...sorry to hear that

I lost my dad 4 years ago - he was only 56 and it still tears me up - at least you got her till 80, that's not a bad innings - not that that's any consolation for you, but it is even harder when you feel you should have got another 30 years with them

b0unce · Post by **b0unce** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:53 am

my dog died from cancer when he was about 14 yrs old. I miss that little scamp, but I'm over it now.

Cyberstar · Post by **Cyberstar** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 12:59 am

Very sorry to hear of your loss mate my condolences go out to you and your family.
Still dealing with my sisters passing a year ago from cancer myself, I know each person has his or her own way of coping with a loss that close, for me honestly it's been family and music.

Which I know may sound like the thing to say being that this is a music forum and we are all musicians here but it's truth for me, family and music have gotten me through some very rough spots in the pass.

One thing I still find hard is picking up the phone to call my sister only to realize I can't.

Thing is I don't think there really are any words that can be said to a person going through such thing, but I guess that's not really the point what helps is knowing that people have compassion.

Even some stranger on a forum that you don't know and is only words scrolled across a computer screen.

Pitch Black · Post by **Pitch Black** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:04 am

So sorry to hear that, Mike. Love and positive vibes from this side of the planet to you, bro.

paradiddle · Post by **paradiddle** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 1:55 am

My condolences to you and your family.

Aequitas123 · Post by **Aequitas123** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:28 am

i just lost my grandpa 2 weeks ago to cancer. my condolences.

doc holiday · Post by **doc holiday** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:33 am

that sucks bro, my mom was only 56 when cancer took her out in 2000.
i sat by her in the hospital for the last four days of her life :'(

shock will settle in after a while, and it will be hard for a long long time.

dave999z · Post by **dave999z** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:47 am

Pitch Black wrote:So sorry to hear that, Mike. Love and positive vibes from this side of the planet to you, bro.

and from right here on your side of the planet.

the above comment re: using music to get through was very true for me too. but i guess that translates into: this event is awful and will take much time to cope with. but once the shock is over, and you're just sad, don't forget to give yourself a break and spend some time doing what makes you happy. being happy does not mean forgetting and does not devalue the loss. but it does honor your mom, who'd want you to be happy.

mikemc · Post by **mikemc** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 2:50 am

Thanks for posting your experiences, here and in PMs, and for the wishes. It really helps.

Lots of the positive thoughts like 'we are all energy, it goes somewhere and is alive somewhere' are what I'm thinking, and it will take the heart a while to catch up.

sublimelobc · Post by **sublimelobc** » Fri Sep 19, 2008 3:02 am

First of all, sorry for the loss. I recently had an uncle that was young and healthy pass away unexpectedly from a heart attack....and a cousin from an overdose, but losing a parent has to be a whole other level of pain so I feel for you.

I was very close to my grandpa, he lived next door....was my best friend when I was young and went through a severe brain injury and recovery. He was my first musical inspiration, he is kind of like me in the sense that he was never that gifted as a performing musician but he enjoyed making his own music as much as any accomplished musician, you could see it in his expression when he listened to it and felt it.

Anyways, I still sometimes feel like a somehow "feel" him through music...sometimes listening to things he enjoyed like Dixieland Jazz or a capella harmonies, and it's almost like he was sitting there with me.

Look for those moments when you will feel her presence through memories and it honestly helps you believe she has just moved on to another sphere.