[OT] Did you ever love ?

colin_h · Post by **colin_h** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 4:14 am

hmmmm

job + looks - (personality + bank balance + credit debt) =

takin' onanism to another level....

heh.

~c

leisuremuffin · Post by **leisuremuffin** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 5:43 am

bigbadotis wrote:
polyamorous people are addicted to cathexis, it's a psychological state that occurs when you first fall in love with someone, whether it be your new baby, a new toy, a cat, or the first pangs of love and amour.
maybe it's just healthy to be in cathexis, rather than an "addiction", a word that has very negative connotations.

I am not poly, but am dating a woman who is, and her reasonings for being that way are far more beautiful than worrying about what you'll think of yourself when your 60.

It seems like you're categorically denying the possibility that what other people have expressed here about their "alternative" lifestyles genuinely works for them. Your post uses psychology and your personal experiences to present opinion as some type of fact. Maybe I'm reading more into it than other people here though...

Theres a bunch of people out there that could tell you all sorts of scientific-sounding reasons why many other unorthodox forms of sexual expression are unhealthy, too. I'm guessing the reason folks like that have anything to say about it at all is cause it makes them uncomfortable in some way or another.

As for me, I could care less what anybody else does in this regard. Well, as long as it harms none.

wise words from good ol' uncle Al:

do as thou wilt shall be the whole of the law.

The word of Sin is Restriction. O man! refuse not thy wife, if she will! O lover, if thou wilt, depart! There is no bond that can unite the divided but love: all else is a curse.

.lm.

LOFA · Post by **LOFA** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 5:43 am

bigbadotis wrote:
polyamorous people are addicted to cathexis, it's a psychological state that occurs when you first fall in love with someone, whether it be your new baby, a new toy, a cat, or the first pangs of love and amour.
maybe it's just healthy to be in cathexis, rather than an "addiction", a word that has very negative connotations.

I am not poly, but am dating a woman who is, and her reasonings for being that way are far more beautiful than worrying about what you'll think of yourself when your 60.

It seems like you're categorically denying the possibility that what other people have expressed here about their "alternative" lifestyles genuinely works for them. Your post uses psychology and your personal experiences to present opinion as some type of fact. Maybe I'm reading more into it than other people here though...

Yeah, I see that side as well. I am quick to agree with machines working, as I have made similiar observations about very close friends that I see myself gaining distance from.

What are generalizations good for anyway?

Machinesworking · Post by **Machinesworking** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 6:32 am

bigbadotis wrote:
polyamorous people are addicted to cathexis, it's a psychological state that occurs when you first fall in love with someone, whether it be your new baby, a new toy, a cat, or the first pangs of love and amour.
maybe it's just healthy to be in cathexis, rather than an "addiction", a word that has very negative connotations.

I am not poly, but am dating a woman who is, and her reasonings for being that way are far more beautiful than worrying about what you'll think of yourself when your 60.

It seems like you're categorically denying the possibility that what other people have expressed here about their "alternative" lifestyles genuinely works for them. Your post uses psychology and your personal experiences to present opinion as some type of fact. Maybe I'm reading more into it than other people here though...

OK, first off, cathexis is healthy as the glue that binds mothers to babies, lovers to each other etc. being addicted to, or constantly needing cathexis, is unhealthy. It's like any other addiction, sugar for instance in high doses is a bad thing, yet our bodies process food into sugar naturally.
Reasons, or anything else really, being beautiful etc. is the territory of youth. Now I know we all live in a perpetual state of youth culture, being musicians etc. but there is something to be said for growing old, and something to be said for answering wholly to one person, it forces you to grow. Beauty in the end of the day is transitory, and what remains after becomes that much more important.
In the end of the day I really don't care what people do, so long as it's not affecting me or the people around me, yet I can't help but wish that the whole polyamory thing would go away, sorry if that's not PC.
I've seen people grow by being in monogomous relationships, and conversely I've seen people get their feelings hurt and make bad choices because of their polyamorous lifestyle. At some point maybe people will be capable of sustaining this sort of thing without becoming a burden to their friends, but as of right now, I've seen far more failures than successes.
Recently I got rid of a singer, because her hyper sexed up polyamorous lifestyle was getting her into trouble, and taking up all her time. It's a shame, because honestly if there's one thing I would put above all else, it would be the muse, and it was sad to see someone with talent run away from their problems into trying to get laid...
I don't hold any sort of real hostility towards anybody for their sex life, I just don't think that it's as emotionally healthy as a committed monogomous relationship, and 99% of the therapeutic community would agree with me on this. People do all kinds of things that are not healthy, and go against natural living, smoking, all sorts of drugs, and bad food, doesn't make them bad people.

I also think this thread got seriously highjacked from the original posters simple declaration of love for another person, into a discussion of polyamory, and I guess i found that annoying.
So I'm done, because in the end, if people are happy with what they are doing, more power to them.

bigbadotis · Post by **bigbadotis** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 7:29 am

because in the end, if people are happy with what they are doing, more power to them

nice. This (the poly thing) has come up as an issue in my relationship recently so I guess I've been spending a lot of time trying to see both sides of it. It's actually good to hear some of the cons after having my girlfriend talk up the pros all day long...

Personally, I don't think dating multiple people is ever an avenue I'll go down, but I'm still young so who knows.

Is 30 still young?

eyeknow · Post by **eyeknow** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 9:51 am

Moody wrote:Yep, and then she broke my heart.

Man, memories.......................

soulata · Post by **soulata** » Sat Mar 25, 2006 12:58 pm

tokyojoe69 wrote:The shit thing is when you're in a relationship and it's good, and even if you try to find fault with it you can't because your partner is totally committed, and yet you struggle to find the motivation to carry on because you can't find the chemistry. And then out of nowhere somebody walks into your life and blows all the preconcieved ideas you ever had right into space and you can sit for hours and be totally absorbed in each other for no particular reason and wonder why there is an electrical tingling feeling when you touch. But you're a decent person with morals, so you don't fuck behind peoples backs, and you don't just suddenly jump ship, and even if the experience does serve a purpose in showing you what happiness can be, it's irrational and impulsive and at a very very wrong time, so you just bite the bullet and walk of into the sunset alone. Shooo!, I feel better now, thanks guys.

you know me too well...

I couldn't have said it better.

k

D DAS · Post by **D DAS** » Sun Mar 26, 2006 12:46 am

"We've agreed to start with threesomes, but even that's an issue tied up in concern for disease, freaky third parties who get emotionally attached, and all the other baggage".

Find a couple to swing with, it can be an ideal situation if you like the couple. My ex girlfriend in San Diego started seeing my good friends girlfirend, which progressed into the 4 of us hanging out together. Before that I tended to be a very jealous person but this felt ok; yes my friend was shagging my girl in front of me but I was watching this as I was shagging his and it was all good; never had bad feelings there was just love in air,,,,,and that stench of love juices that accompanies love in the air.